Post # 1
We have an adult ring bearer for our wedding. His name is B and he is single and hasn’t had an official girlfriend since I dated him for 1 week over 4 years ago. We have a very small guest list: 93 people. We are only giving +1s to people who are in relationships at the time we start addressing the invitations (May/June). There is one exception to the rule- my sister is a bridesmaid. I did not want to give her a +1, but she threw a fit and talked to my dad, who is paying. My dad said she’s getting a +1 and, since he’s paying for it, I can’t argue with that.
I do not want to give B a +1 for multiple reasons. #1: He knows ALL of the under 25 yr old crowd we’re inviting. That’s about 30 people. One of the guests is even his former roommate he lived with for about 4 years. #2: Anyone he brings will be alone for the ceremony and cocktail hour anyway. #3: All of our mutual friends who I did not invite, I did not invite for a reason. He would either bring as his guest someone I don’t want there or someone I’ve never met. #4: Several of our mutual friends who are coming are also single and will not be getting +1’s. There’s a good chance they’d throw a huff over it. #5: I know that, for the past two weddings he’s gone to, if he was given a +1, he always brought both times. He was single.
I have heard a few times on the Bee that the bridal party should always get +1s. Am I horrible for disagreeing?
Post # 3
I’m of the frame of mind that the wedding party gets a +1. But that’s doesn’t mean that I’m “right” or that you’re horrible for disagreeing! You can disagree, and you can certainly do what’s best for you situation and your guest list.
Post # 4
Thanks for the opinion. I wonder what other bees think. Bump de bump =]
Post # 5
As much as we hated to because our venue is physically very small and we had a lot of friends we really wanted to invite, we had to sacrifice some spots for the +1’s for our wedding party. It just seemed too rude to not give them the option to bring someone with them, even though some are single.
Post # 6
I think wedding party should get a plus one just as a courtesy for them for being your closest family/friends and putting extra time and money into your wedding.
Post # 7
I totally understand your side of the argument. And while I do think that normally the wedding party get’s a +1, in this case I would let it slide. If he were a groomsman I would say he should definitely get a +1, but he’s not. And if he didn’t know a ton of people or had a girlfriend I would say give him the +1, but neither is the case. You have a small guest list and set a line for the +1’s to those people who have significant others, so I think you have reason to stand by it. Personally, when I was not engaged, even when I got a +1 I did not bring someone unless it was a significant other. I feel like it’s courtesy not to bring some random person to a friend’s wedding just because I was told I could, especially if I knew people who would be there. I”m not sure all people are as aware though. Also, when I was in the bridal party at my friends wedding one of the bridesmaids who was single had a +1, and chose to bring someone that the bride went to highschool with. It was totally inappropriate, the bride would have invited that person if she wanted them there, but the bride was totally cool (to her credit!) and just let it be. Better to err on the side of caution!
Post # 8
if you’re close enough to have him in your wedding, can’t you say you are tight on numbers, etc..and just explain if you could invite everyone, you would but you can’t and since he’s not dating anyone, you can’t extend him a +1. If he is a good friend, he should understand and respect what you want for your wedding.
Post # 9
I do think that the wedding party should always get a plus 1. Chances are theyre dishing out a lot of money for the wedding (and time) and I think its nice to give them a plus one. I told my girls not to go looking for someone (anyone) to bring, but if there was someone they wanted to bring, then they should just let me know, and they definitely could. For other people, the relationship has to be serious for their sig other to be invited if we dont know them (the sig other), but for the wedding party, whoever they want to bring, they can.