Post # 1
Okay, Bee’s…here’s my first vent. I’m likely breaking my “have some manners!” request by posting this, but I feel like it must be said!
For the most part, I just love the Bee. I find I’m posting more AFTER my wedding than before. It’s great fun, and the majority of posts are polite and helpful.
HOWEVER, it really creams my corn when a bride has already purchased an item for her wedding (ring, centerpieces, dress, etc.) and posts a photo of it, saying something to the effect, “I finally chose a dress!” or, “look at my centerpieces!” They are excited. They are happy. Simply, they want to show off, and they SHOULD!
More and more, I’m seeing rude posts by Bee’s responding that they do not like it, or it’s “not their taste.” Is that really necessary? Compliment them, congratulate them, or say nothing at all. But, don’t throw in your 2 cents if you’re just going to say you don’t like it. As we all are well aware, planning a wedding is a HUGE undertaking, and one of the happiest times of our lives. Support your fellow brides, and please, always be kind. : )
Post # 3
I’d rather people say “it’s not to my taste” than “ewww, that’s so effing fugly”. If I see something on here that I don’t care for, I typically don’t comment at all. But if someone is asking for an opinion, there has to be a way to tactfully word it. I don’t think it’s rude to give an opinion when asked for it if it’s done tactfully, but obviously if they’ve already bought it it serves no purpose. So, I hear you on that.
Post # 4
@Tess63110: I totally agree. I think there’s a big (and usually clear) difference between a bride posting “what do you think of my dress?” and “oh my god I found my dress!!!” In the first case, it’s completely acceptable to politely say that it’s not to your taste. In the second, it’s a little uncalled for.
The way I think about it is, when I’m talking to acquaintances in real life and one says “I just bought this new purse,” even if it’s fugly as hell I would always say “wow! That’s nice!” over expressing my own distaste. I try to keep to that same standard on the Bee.
Post # 5
@Tess63110: Does the pertain to unsolicited opinions?
Often a bee will post something like “What do you think?” Which means…someone is welcome to say “don’t like it, needs more of x, y, z.”
I think that’s fine. I don’t really see too many rude comments when someone is excited for their dress and posts it, usually people only give opinions when asked.
Post # 6
If someone is asking for an opinion I will tell them it’s not to my taste (if it’s not). I feel they are asking for a reason and I shouldn’t have to hold back my opinion just because I don’t like it.
If someone simply says “look what I got!” And I don’t like it I just don’t comment. I guess I don’t see many of the comments you are talking about in posts like that but rather I see them in posts asking for opinions.
Post # 7
@FleeSircus: I’m with you, I don’t see what the OP is talking about. I hardly see extreme cases of rudeness.
Post # 8
I think it really depends on what the bride is asking.
If she’s just posting her dress and saying, “this is my dress! I love it!”, then yes, most should compliment it or those who don’t like it, should leave.
HOWEVER, if the bride says, “I just found my dress, what do you think?!”, I don’t think it’s rude for someone to say “its not my taste” as long as it’s in a not totally rude way.
I totally agree with supporting your fellow brides.. and if another bee ASKS if her dress looks good on her, I will be honest – not in a rude way, but in an honest, bystandard way. I AM supporting her by giving her the truth, not sugar coating everything.
Post # 9
@MrsRevolutionize: Yup, I agree completely. It’s not when the Bee’s are asking for an opinion or posting a poll. They deserve polite honesty, and this is a great forum for that.
It just makes me sad when an opinion is not being asked and a negative comment is given. In all honesty, I don’t like feathers, gaming, mason jars, and other seemingly popular wedding themes. However, if someone is excited and happy to show something off, I try and pat them on the back, whether it’s my personal taste or not. They worked hard and usually are clearly excited to share what they’ve chosen. I say, we support them! 🙂
Post # 10
@Tess63110: What irks me is when a Bee says “I think I’m having dress regret, but I don’t have money to buy another. What do you think?” and someone else says “That dress isn’t flattering/pretty/not my taste/appropriate for the occasion. You can do better.” NO! At that point, just tell the OP her dress is lovely and she will feel beautiful on her big day! She isn’t actually asking for anyone’s opinion. She’s looking for reassurance. I can’t believe so many people on here can’t see that!
Post # 11
@FleeSircus: I’ve seen it several times in the last week. I don’t want to call anyone out, because I think that would be equally as rude. Just a Public Service Announcement. I remember my excitement on the things I had chosen, and if I didn’t ask an opinion and said, “Look what I bought, Bee’s!” and someone replied, “Maybe you should add X” or “..not my style,” it would sting a bit. At a minimum, make me briefly question if I made the right decision.
Post # 12
Post # 13
@Tess63110: Is this thread needed to chide the Bees? It’s almost as bad as somone being rude. Rude Bees will persist with or without a “reminder” thread.
Seems like this is a good thread to just blow hot air and not really get anywhere.
Responses I see coming…
1) This is the internet, get over it.
2) This is the internet, everyone is anonymous and they don’t care.
3) This is the internet, if you don’t want other people’s opinion, don’t ask.
RUDE BEES, please chime in or else this is wasted space on the internet!
Yes, we should support each other of course but some Bees ASK and get what they are asking for – honest opinions.
Post # 14
I rarely comment if I dislike something, but I have the ability and freedom to do so (here and all other corners of the internets), as long as I do it respectfully. It’s not our duty to pat every person on the back at all times. This is my stance in real life as well as on the internet.
Post # 16
Meh, if you can’t handle polite criticism, random internet forums may not be the place for you.