- 4 years ago
I’ve been getting a bit down recently as I keep thinking about why my boyfriend hasn’t proposed.
We’ve been together for 7 years, have property together and are happier than ever. We’ve always had an amazing relationship. It’s better than I ever could have asked for. I know we are going to get engaged, married and live happily ever after. We talk about it all the time and I deliberately don’t bring it up so it’s usually him. I am a very inquisitive person so I’m difficult to surprise which is why I always hoped he could manage it. I feel now that I’m just waiting. There is no surprise, there’s an overdue task. I know that the first time he does anything usual, I’m going to know. He’s never romantic so I’m sure I’ll see it coming.
I personally would have liked to be engaged around the time we moved in together. I know this is a bit old fashioned but that was my wishes. This is something I have discussed with him way before we moved in so I thought he was aware of my opinion on this. When he asked me to buy a flat together, you can imagine that I was expecting a ring. At that point it was a little earlier than I had expected – after 5 years of dating. However, after coming to terms with the idea, I agreed. So, we got ourselves a lovely little flat and I loved every single thing we built together to make our home.
The proposal never came. I started telling myself that it was a financial hold up. Bla, bla, bla. He has an exceptional salary so I knew I was kidding myself. We share the cost of our home so I have an idea of how much money was used and left in his account. I never actually knew figures but it was clear that a lot of money was going missing every month. So, I persuaded myself that he was just saving etc. A value of money comfortably enough for a ring went missing and then he confessed that he had been gambling – big time. So, I was upset and honest. I told him I thought he was proposing and I had come to like the idea and I thought he would honour the one strict rule I have. No living together without planning to marry. He said that wasn’t the plan then but apologised.
A year later, I had calmed down and was happy enough knowing we would get engaged someday soon but never really forgave myself for not saying “No. I don’t believe in this” and walking. In hindsight, maybe I should have. Many, many other peoples engagements, weddings, children later, I began to feel like it was never going to happen. I started to feel like something was wrong. There was nothing wrong. Our relationship was as good and ever and he had become more appreciative since we started living together. I know he adores me. I adore him. I spent a good few months just giggling to myself because I was sure he was planning. I soon realised it wasn’t going to happen and started to feel it was something I had done wrong. Then there was a diversion.
A person close to us decided he would propose to his girlfriend. This was fantastic news. As my boyfriend and our friend are close, they had a discussion about timing. They didn’t want their planning to coincide. So, my boyfriend say me down and told me he had planned to propose in that time but he would have to wait to respect his friend and push back his plans. We helped organise the proposal which was 10 months later. In this time, I put my feelings aside. When I thought about us, I told myself that there was a reason it hadn’t happened. That couple have been engaged for 3 months now. Still nothing.
Recently my feelings have changed. I have had a few weird dreams where he gets down on one knee and I’m numb. I’m worried that this has put me off the idea. I just feel like I’ve been left on the shelf. It’s getting me really down. I think we are perfect together so why the delay? I’m not the kind of person to rush into anything. I’m pretty level headed and I’d say laid back. I feel like getting engaged and married should be exciting moments in your life story. I’m worried that it won’t be that for us, well me. I think he will be excited but I’m just not sure I will be. I don’t want to say no but if I’m honest, I’m not sure I want it anymore. I’m devastated.
Can anyone give me an opinion? I don’t know who to talk to 🙁