Post # 32
Its ok. He knows i struggle too and some days i cry for NO reason other than my life is on hold. I dont think a person can be as happy as they want when they are in limbo.
I gotta say…engagement chicken sounds stupid. Engagement beer-can chicken is better.
I’m terrible…marriage totally comes up like every day but not in a negative way. I know i should keep my mouth shut but UGH i just hate it lol.
Post # 33
@MrsGolden2Bee That is seriously one of my biggest worries- and part of the main reason I want to get married sooner than later. If anything was to happen to the manfriend or myself, I can’t imagine the other person not being able to see the one in the hospital. Sad be the nurse who would try to get in our way.
But yes, “just” the girlfriend.
Or, you know “single” if you’re filling out any government forms. It’s funny.
Post # 34
Count me in! While I have a job I am still looking for one that I got my degree in. Hopefully I’ll get one by summer. While my SO won’t give me a timeline he did say he would start looking at rings once we have finished planning our vacation. I’m excited that’s more than I am used to going on. I want to stay current in my field and also lose about five to ten pounds in time for summer. I need to start eating healthy which includes my fruits and veggies that I don’t eat.
Post # 35
ugh today is terrible. I have like a really good solid week and then i have a day where i am on the verge of TEARS the whole entire time.
My mom was talking about planning a big family vacation for November 2013. I asked if they would still plan it if I was to get married September 2013 (which is the date I’m wanting right now). They said no they wouldn’t because they would have to help pay for the wedding. I told my mom to wait because he has until the end of the year to propose (he agreed to that timeline). Her response was “And what, you’ll move out? What’s the difference between now and the end of the year other than another year in limbo?” Ouch. Check and mate.
He told me yesterday he is “warming” to the idea of getting married. And I told him that if he knew…he knew. And he’s been making excuses. He said he hasn’t and just wants us to be in a good place.
Well honestly…the longer I sit in this “waiting” stage the more resentful I become, so we wont be in a good place. Sigh…..I’m trying to get some girl time with my only married friend to see how she delt with this stage since I know she struggled with it. Because I honestly don’t see myself lasting until the end of the year. One week good, then a day or two of tears? What kind of a life is that?
I hate this. (<—i bolded…i mean business haha)
Post # 36
@Rush1986 Ouch, mom’s certainly can say hurtful things sometimes. Does she know how that affected you? If not, I would mention it.
I would say that you’re in a pretty awesome situation right now. He’s agreed to proposing by the end of the year. I wish I could get my man to agree to that :). But I think your plans to talk to your friend are a great idea. It helps to discuss your feelings with someone who has been there before.
Keep your chin up and try to have a wonderful week. Perhaps you can spoil yourself with something? It’s always fun to treat yourself.
Post # 37
Moms sometimes think they are saying the right thing when it actually hurts. You should talk to her about it tho.
I say that all the time about the if he knew..he knew…I agree completely…it’s like if you know now you want to marry me, why wait till the end of the year? At least you got that, my bf said maybe a year , maybe? I hate maybe!!!
I go threw that too, good for a week then a mess for one or two days! I think every waiting bee goes threw it. It’s not fun! I think after I get engaged I’m going to make my so read these so he can see what us girls actually feel!
Post # 38
Haha its so good to know that you ladies are the same. I’m looking forward to talking to my friend as she has been married now for at least 6 months, but she should remember when she was waiting. I can remember her complaining about not having the ring yet and thinking in my head “oh gosh, whats the rush? dont worry about it!!”. LOL and now i am in the same boat.
Ya my mom is a very blunt old italian lady. She has no filter so yes it bothered me but i let that stuff roll off my back when it comes from her. She just made a REALLY good point about how she also has to plan around her daughters wedding. Its not just me and him.
So bad morning….this afternoon i’m feeling better. Thanks ladies!!
Post # 39
Em. May have had a melt down two nights ago. To best understand this: I had a may hay hay jor melt down in January. Like, embarrasing. And at the time, the manfriend told me he wanted it to be a surprise so he wouldn’t tell me anything (eg. within the next year even. Nada). But to give him a year. If nothing happened by January 2013, he would give me the exact date. Of course, I didn’t want to get my hopes up and I was still worried that this was his way of getting me to chill the f out for a while. Then a few weeks ago he joked (oh why do you joke? you know me.) that he had only said that to get me to stop crying. –> So, two nights ago I had a melt down after meeting the future lender for our house (getting ready to buy one in the next year.) I told him (I’m really like a broken record) that I wasn’t comfortable buying a house without a commitment. He replied with what he had in January, that it will eventually happen and just to trust him.
I swear to god girls, it just hit me today. All this time I was worried he wasn’t even ready for the thought of it yet. And he gave himself a due date. And it took me TWO friggin months to get it into my skull.
PS: I’m still not fully convinced.
Post # 40
Another week gone and of course no proposal… And bf completely shuts down at any mention of weddings/engagement. I don’t even really talk about it Anymore either…
It really hurts my feelings how much he doesn’t care. He sees I’m unhappy, but does nothing about it.
Theres a timeline in place, but at this point I’m pretty positive that he won’t propose ever.
Post # 41
My goodness this thread went DEAD!! Since it’s the end of the month how did everyone do?
Well I don’t want to toot my own horn, but after about 3 dreaded months of agonizing over the engagement, March was fantastic! It started rough with a discussion about the future and wanting my SO to reassure me that we were moving forward. This was followed with a trip to some jewellery stores where I tried on rings. So since our discussion at the start of the month things have been wonderful!! I know he has been saving money and taking side jobs to buy me the right ring, and I also know the shopping trip helped him narrow down the ideas for the one he’ll buy. BUT he wont speak about it anymore as he wants to make the final decision himself and propose when I least expect it. Which is fine by me, I prefer the element of surprise.
So I know you’re not supposed to talk about engagement while on the Plan but I did, and it was fine. And since then I haven’t been nagging or bothering him at all since I feel validated that he is on the same page. We have been soooo much happier this last month. It might also be because the weather is sunny and warm again and the winter blues never help anymore!!
In addition to that I have been working out a lot more and seeing my friends whenever needed. And my SO has been ever supportive of any changes I make (working out randomly, not being home until later on a week night so he has to fend for himself), which is always nice. I’ve been randomly telling him how much I love the life we built together, which has sort of caught him off guard lol.
Anyways…did you all do ok? Any good updates? Anyone needing advice or support?
Post # 42
Nothing too drastic has occurred in past few weeks, other than me stepping up my workout game. I’ve been running 2 miles, five times a week for the past two weeks – so that’s 20 miles! That’s the most I’ve ever run in my life, and I can tell SO is noticing. Thinking of starting the “Insanity” workouts too, since I’ve hit a bit of a weigh plateau and can’t seem to lose (despite diet and exercise). I also quit biting my nails, and have managed to have one girls night a week!
I haven’t been bringing up the e-word or the m-word in the past few weeks, and something interesting happened the other day. It probably means nothing, but since my engagement radar is always on, I of course noticed. Essentially, we’re babysitting his little brother until his parents come back from the vacation. Since SO and I work, his mom has to arrange afterschool care, and in the emails she refers to me as his fiance! She’s said it before, but never in writing!
And then last night we were setting up our new Sims game (I’ve never played, and my gamer SO thought it would be a game that I would actually like). So he’s creating our characters, our house, everything, and names my person with his last name. But then when he had to put how we were related he put the cursor over the “fiance” option, then moved it to “spouse”, and then realized I was looking and said “oh, for now we’ll do Boyfriend. We can change it later”. Mixed messages much?
That’s about it for me though – how are you ladies doing?
That’s so awesome that you’re making progress! If he’s taking extra jobs to get you that ring of your dreams, you know he’s a man well worth waiting for 🙂
Post # 43
Haha i was obsessed with the Sims. Not anymore but literally…i would play for hours. And my SIL does Insanity…and it looks UNREAL from the clips. I do alot of Jillian Michaels 30 day shred and power yoga. I have some other DVDs in the mail i’m pumped to get.
I used to be a jogger but haven’t found time in the winter with it getting so dark outside so early. Well i went for a jog saturday (just a 30 min 5k) and my legs are killing me. Gonna do it again tonight if i can make it.
And yes i’m excited for my dream ring. But he could put a ring pop on my hand at this point and i’d be happy haha.
Post # 44
This is such a helpful post. I have to remind myself not to nag or look crushed whenever we’re watching tv and the topic of marriage or engagement comes up.
I’m new here – I’ve been with my Boyfriend or Best Friend for about 2 1/2 years, but it’s been a pretty intense relationship. We’re both (slightly) over 30. We moved in together a few months after we started dating and started discussing marriage shortly thereafter. We met each others’ families, who both live out of state, almost immediately. He’s told me that he has no second thoughts about wanting to marry me, but that we’re both so busy with our respective careers that he’s not in a hurry to get engaged. He knows that I want to get engaged soon and that he’ll have to move relatively fast if he doesn’t want to lose me.
We have a great relationship and I consider myself lucky to be with a guy who is willing to get dressed up for fancy dinners on the weekends and who tells me all the time how much he loves me. I can’t help feeling that if he really loved me, he’d just give me what he knows I want so badly. Of course, it can’t feel good to feel like you’ve been browbeaten into making a decision that will affect the rest of your life, so I need to learn to just let it be and to allow him to feel like he’s planned something special for me. He knows what kind of ring I want, he knows my size, so I guess I need to leave the rest up to him and just put it out of my mind until my secret deadline. If I’m not constantly thinking about it and creating expectations, the proposal will be that much more special for me, too.