(Closed) Marital Age Insecurities

posted 5 years ago in 20 Something
Post # 3
Member
5983 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

You just tell them that some people know a sure thing when they see it.

Post # 4
Member
2295 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

22 isn’t THAT young. I think you have to get to the root of the misgivings – is that just really young in your family/social circles? Are they worried you’ll give up on your own hopes and dreams? Is your education completed? Do they still see you as their baby even though you are grown? Do they think you and FI aren’t mature enough? Think you haven’t been together long enough? Think you’re doing it for the wrong reasons (the legal benefits thing you mentioned kind of threw me)?

Have you considered going through a formal pre-marital counseling/preparation program? It certainly can’t hurt you and your FI, and if the misgivings are based solely on age, I bet it would put some people’s minds at ease. NOT that you need to do it to prove anything or make anyone to shut up. That’s a bad reason to do it! But since it’s something that is helpful to you and your FI anyway, I think it demonstrates real maturity to go through marital preparation.

Post # 5
Member
2494 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I’d ask them what makes them think you two are too young. Is it maturity? Simply age? The amount of time you have or haven’t been together? From there you might be able to have a more specific talk about how you are ready for marriage.

Post # 7
Member
2295 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I haven’t looked back in your posts, but it just struck me with the legal benefits and “partner” – are you a same-sex couple? That could give some hints, if so.

Post # 8
Member
5983 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@PlumeriaSplash:  Really?  You know some nasty people!  My parents dated for two weeks, got engaged and married, Dad was 21, Mom was 22, they’ve been married 37 years, age or experience has nothing to do with it, just two people’s commitment to each other…the next time someone told me I was too young I would tell them all lot has changed since the dark ages, and to shut up!

Post # 9
Member
5664 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I don’t think there I much you can do except display confidence in yourself and your decision. It is when you don’t show confidence and that you know exactly why you want that people feel the need, or right to question you. Remain strong in your decisions and just tell people you l know what you’re doing but thanks anyway. people will start to understand that you’ve made your own adult decision and that their comments and opinions aren’t necessary. 

Post # 10
Member
1579 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013 - Country Club

Wow, I’m glad I haven’t heard that I’m too young from anyone (other than FI..he’ll be 25 and I’ll be 22 when we get hitched. He thinks I’m too young haha) yet. Is the engagement recent? Your parents might still be in shock from the fact that their little girl is getting married! I hope they switch their train of thought soon. 

Post # 11
Member
1360 posts
Bumble bee

I have only heard the ‘too young’ speech from one guy. No one thinks FI is ‘too young’, as he’s 29. I, however, am 19. My whole family welcomes it and all my friends are alright with it as well. The only person that has said I was ‘too young’ was someone that doesn’t know me (or my maturity level) personally.

 

Post # 12
Member
734 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@PlumeriaSplash:  I’m surprised that people think 22 is young actually, but maybe its different in California. Where I am people don’t really get married at 18 anymore, but 22-24 is pretty typical.. normally right out of college.

When people look at age it normally seems like they’re looking at the age rather than your actual maturity level.. which is unfair. Just be confident and mature about their comments and I think that they’ll be quiet.

Post # 14
Member
238 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

I’m dealing with your situation. While my FI and I wont be getting married for another few years, we were both 21 when we got engaged. We get some weird comments. I actually had someone ask me if I was a “college bride” (a woman that goes to college for the sole purpose of meeting someone to marry). I felt the same way you do, and it took a toll on our relationship because I was acting ashamed. I finally just put my foot down and said, “I am an adult. I know what I want, and FI is it.” Now that I’m acting proud of our relationship, and owning my decision, people have come around. People will come around if you show a firm hand. Good luck! And remember, you always have the hive if you need help =]

Post # 15
Member
2295 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@PlumeriaSplash:  Yeah, definitely – I was just trying to figure out why people would be reacting this way. I was thinking if someone was a same-sex couple, and maybe one of the people had only come out to their family in the last year or two, it might seem a bigger shock?

Honestly, I’m really surprised 22 is considered so young. As others have said, just have confidence and it will all turn out okay 🙂

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