(Closed) marked by materialism

posted 8 years ago in Rings
  • poll: would you ask for a replacment ring if your ring wasn't what you expected or didnt cost that much

    yes because i wanted a particular cut or style

    no because cost doesnt matter to me, love does

    yes because i dont want everyone thinking he is cheap

    no, i cant believe he even proposed in the first place

  • Post # 47
    Member
    9820 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I always think of Carrie in Sex in the City lol. “How can I marry a guy who doesn’t know which ring is me?”

    Post # 48
    Member
    17 posts
    Newbee

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    @Cory_loves_this_girl:  

    you probabely get us wrong: we ( me and soontobegray) do not care what ring/price whatever people pick.

     We do not understand that people are “complaining” about rings they were given: women comparing their rings with others and then feeling “upset” when they figure out theirs is the smallest, women “asking” for a 2 carat their SO cannot afford and later freak out when all they got is a carat…

    Engagement rings in the US are also an expression of someones status. In Europe e0rings are less common a reflection of someone’s social status.

    Bigger rings are more common in the US. That a cultural thing and it is also a matter of personal taste. I have seen a few bigger rings I liked because of the design etc  and I have seen non diamond rings I would love to get.

    Don’t get us wrong, we are just born and raised on the other side of the ocean and therefor have different electricity, different cellphones and a different view on rings  but we do share the love for our SO’sSmile

    Post # 49
    Member
    50 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    There is a lot of smugness on this thread. I absolutely agree with the thought that the ring size/style whatever has absolutely no implication about your man’s love for you or his means or whatever other mine-is-bigger-than-yours locker room style comparison you want to get into. 

    That said, you’re an adult woman. You’re allowed to have your own taste. If you’re the kind of girl who was into the surprise of it and didn’t want any say in the matter, that’s super for you. And if you happened to get surprised with a ring you liked, that’s super super for you. But don’t go judging other women who want to have a piece of jewelry they actually like to wear every day for the rest of their life. You can love the man and still think he has crappy taste in jewelry. It doesn’t cheapen your commitment to see it as something independent of a sparkly thing you wear on your finger. 

    To quote the great advice giver Carolyn Hax: Unless your Control Freaks Anonymous meeting does a Secret Santa, most gifts arrive free of the expectation that you’ll wear them every day for the rest of your life.

    Post # 51
    Member
    11736 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Every couple is different. Some women want to chose the ring, some don’t. Some men WANT their women to chose the ring (my Fiance refused to chose between 2 rings and surprise me, he wanted me to chose to make sure I would love it).  Neither or right or wrong.  Yes, the most important thing is the fact he asked you to marry you and not the ring. But, just because some people have different expectations or experienecs doesn’t mean it is wrong.

    I don’t think I’m materialistic because I chose the exact ring I wanted. Fiance and I made the decision that was best for BOTH of us.

    Post # 52
    Member
    104 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2006

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    @sassbunny:  The vibe I get from it though isnt about when a women gets a ring that she HATES and 100% Isnt her! I have yet to see a single post on the bee where a women says “Help the ring he got me is disgusting” its more like “But I like this one better” My ring isnt the dream I had in mind but I would never make my husband feel even an ounce sad that I was unhappy with it… He has talked about upgrading it many many time, He has brought that up! I am the one who has dragged my feet becuase emotionally it means more to me then a shiny rock I like to look at! And I think that is where some women dont understand. I am not saying all these women are materialistic gold diggers I just dont understand the need for the “perfect” ring! I feel like unless you are willing to foot at least half the bill you should just take what is given to you with gratitude! Sorry and I get that some women (and men) are different and have complete say in the ring buying and then yes by all means get what you want. But when he surprises you with the beautiful ring and you except his proposal then dont get all butt hurt because later on when the excitment wears off and you realize your BFF has a bigger better ring and all the sudden your “tiny” ring isnt enough!

    Post # 53
    Member
    9955 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2012

    View original reply
    @sassbunny:  Agreed.

    It kinda stings that there’s a perception that the US Bees are more materialistic or think of our engagement rings as some kind of “status symbol” if they happen to be bigger or more blingy. 

    I’ve never thought of my rings as anything other than a beautiful gift given to me by DH.  What someone else may think of it never entered my mind, or his.  We were only pleasing ourselves.

    Post # 54
    Member
    5427 posts
    Bee Keeper

    I don’t agree with everyone saying that they should be happy with the ring the Fiance gets… especially if it’s found to be an AVON ring he paid $19.99 for. Some things should be valuable, not just the sentiment behind the gesture.

    And I am not saying that every guy should spend thousands of dollars on an e-ring… just not a cheap “fly-by-night” thought on it.

    Post # 55
    Member
    1266 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: February 2011

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    @KatyElle:  Yep.

    Post # 56
    Member
    1297 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Too many +1s to list!

    Okay, we’re going to put this in list form.

    • Some people care about rings more than others. Most everybody has their materialistic weakness.
    • Some people pick out their own ring. Some don’t have rings. Some give input. Some are surprised.
    • Of those surprised, some get rings that they like. But some get rings that are simply not in their taste at all.
    • You can have an amazing relationship with your SO and he still may suck at picking out jewelry.
    • Not liking a piece of jewelry that was picked out for you doesn’t make you a selfish/materialistic person. It means you didn’t like it.

    Post # 57
    Member
    94 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    @EffieTrinket: I agree with what you said, I helped choose my ring and love it and I am glad I did as my Fiance told me what he would of got without my help and it is very different to my taste in jewellery.

     

    Post # 58
    Member
    94 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

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    @Sunfire:  I’m English and I don’t think that US brides seem more materialistic, I do think that there is more of a trend for bigger rings in the US than in the UK. I’ve been told that diamonds are more expensive in the UK(?!) which might be why we have smaller rings over here. I have to say though I wanted a ring that I felt proud to wear, rather than wanting to hide my hand, and my ring is perfect for me.  

    Post # 59
    Member
    9955 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2012

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    @British_Bride:   Thank you, I’m so glad to hear that.  I’m sure there are some cultural differences but that doesn’t mean one way is better or worse than the other, it’s just different.

    Post # 60
    Member
    1085 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    My ring was on sale and we got it for a good bit under $1,000. It’s a black diamond, just the ring I wanted. Fiance keeps saying that once we are doing better financially he will buy me a new wedding and e-ring but I told him I wont wear anything else on my left ring finger.

     

    When I look at it, it reminds me of our connection. How far we have come already and how far we will go. When we are done with school and more financially stable looking at my ring will only remind me that even at the brokest of times we were happy and thriving as a couple.

     

    Now if he wants to get me a RHR one day that’s all sprakly I wont hesitate, but my wedding and e-ring stay forever.

    Post # 61
    Member
    568 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: January 2014

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    @EffieTrinket:  well said! +1

    The topic ‘marked by materialism’ is closed to new replies.

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