Why should a woman be “grateful” she was proposed to and given a ring in the first place? In my world marriage is a mutual decision and both of you should feel like you are fortunate and blessed to be with each other. We choose each other, everyday. I am a strong, beautiful, intelligent, independent woman. I do not need to be “grateful” to have a man propose to me. What I am is very fortunate to have met the amazing man my husband is, to have a healthy and loving relationship, and to know that it was not just a matter of luck or someone deciding I was “worthy”. We are both equal participants in this relationship, and I had/have just as much of a part in our life together, our future, as he does.
I got engaged without a ring (does that mean I win?). My husband asked me in some somewhat interesting circumstances, but we both had talked about marriage and it was a mutual decision. We went to choose rings together, but I decided not to get an engagement ring at the time and chose just to get a wedding ring instead. We were married a couple months after that and three months after that I decided my ring was not working for me. Yes, it is the ring that was exchanged at our ceremony, but I did not like how it felt on and it was not “me”. So, I got a new set. Then I got allergies and had to change it all over again. And now I have my forever set. It does not matter that my rings were not “given” to me in a proposal or at my ceremony because they still act as a symbol my marriage and many women who have changed their rings over the years or added upgrades are free to feel the same. My husband was more than happy for me to be happy with the rings I wear everyday even if that meant changing them, and changing them again. They are on my finger as I live in my marriage. My husband loves them, as do I, as they are very me. They are beautiful and I love wearing then. Oh, and by the way, while our incomes are shared, I am the main breadwinner so no golddigging here…I paid for them too.
However, I also believe the rings do not MAKE the relationship. One ought not need a ring at all to know they are loved, or committed, or anything of that sort, so why does it matter if some women like to choose a new ring? There is no relationship protection guarantee afforded by keeping a ring you do not like. If you, as a couple, are both on board with it, and and have communicated about it, why does it matter if someone wants to change a ring, or get an anniversary (or no reason at all) upgrade? And just because a man (or woman) has not picked out a ring for their partner that was adored or to one’s taste does not make the man unloving, the relationship less meaningful, or the woman more materialistic.
Oh, and my husband’s love is not symbolized by any material thing. His love is expressed every single day in words, actions, and is carried with me always. I don’t need to wear a ring, or a ring he gave me, for that. If we were both on board with changing our rings 1,000 times over the course of our marriage why should it matter to anyone else? We know we certainly have something amazing, and I don’t need to “not change my ring” to prove that to anyone else.