- 5 years ago
Ok girls…I know I’m not the only one here who has been married and divorced. I need a little support here, because I’m having some insane confusion.
First of all, my SO and I got together during my divorce. (Don’t worry, we were separated, living in different homes, it just took FOREVER to finalize). We are both 27, have been together for 4 years and I think the proposal is coming.
My issue is that I have been thinking a lot about the first time. I can’t seem to stop, and it’s really causing me a lot of stress.
To give you some background, when the first relationship dissolved, I was only 5 weeks post baby. I know my hormones were wacked out, but I honestly felt nothing for my husband. I did not want to be around him, I was no longer attracted to him. I felt like he was not very smart, I was constantly annoyed by his prescence. It was a very confusing time because we were so in love, and like overnight, it was gone for me.
I went to therapy, I decided to discuss it with him and we decided to go to couples therapy together, but weeks went by and I wanted out. Unfortunately he was still very much in love with me, which made it very hard on him. I decided to move out (a trial move) to see if space would help, and he got very angry. He changed the locks on the doors to our home, and filed for divorce within 2 days of me leaving.
Anyway, that’s probably more information than neccessary, but the idea of completely falling out of love with him so quickly is still amazing to me. It’s been over 4 years now and the feelings I had for him never did return.
So, now I have this incredible fear of that happening again. Whether it’s me falling out of love with him or him falling out of love with me….I try to tell myself that it doesn’t matter, I need to live in the moment, I love him today, I can’t think about tomorrow, and if another marraige is what I want then I need to be happy. Especially because I do truly feel blessed by my current SO. He is so amazing, and I am so in love with him.
Any suggestions on how to get over/face my fears? It’s becoming ridiculous, oh my goodness girls, I mean waterworks randomly! AND HE HASN’T EVEN PROPOSED YET.
I can’t help but feel like this could also be some kind of sign….I hate feeling this way.