(Closed) Marriage can be lonely

posted 5 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 16
Member
7447 posts
Busy Beekeeper

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Kikibear:  I agree it’s good to be able to stand on your own. What bothered me about that part was that she only had this revelation about herself when she compared herself to the guy she was having an affair with, whom she seemed to think she was so superior to. It just seemed very arrogant and self righteous, the way she said it. 

Post # 17
Member
537 posts
Busy bee

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futurebrideesq:  Yeah this article is just sad. I don’t know why she is talking about ‘marriage’ in general, when she is clearly experiencing the kind of feelings we’d normally associated with an unhappy marriage.

Post # 18
Member
4239 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Yeahhhhh this is ridiculous.

I’ve always said if you feel lonely in a relationship or a marriage you need to re-evaluate.  That is what is true with this article.  She isn’t seeing the full picture.  Maybe when she got married she had an idea of what marriage would look like and it didn’t meet her expectations.  I don’t know.  All I know is that I KNOW what it feels like to be lonely in a relationship and it suuuuucks.  It feels horrible — INFINITELY more horrible than being lonely and being single.  I also know that when I felt lonely in my relationship in the past it was a sure sign that the relationship was going to end.

With my husband we lead very independent lives.  He is gone one weekend per month and two weeks per year for the Navy Reserves.  He also is an accountant currently in the middle of tax season so he is working 6-day weeks.  Yet I don’t feel lonely.  I know he has my back in every way.  I know I can lean on him when I want to and vice versa.  I know we have a partnership.  It’s funny because people assume because we are still relatively newlyweds that we have this perfect life where we can’t get enough of each other.  Of course we love each other and of course we support each other, but there are some days when I just need to be alone.  There are days when he needs to be alone.  We have a happy, healthy relationship.  We argue sure, but I have never ever felt “lonely” in my marriage.

Post # 19
Member
1513 posts
Bumble bee

The author sounds like she will feel lonely and empty regardless of who she’s with.  From everything she describes, she seems like she’s the type of person who has not spent much time emotionally evolving and growing as a person.  Unless you have cultivated the ability to love and take care of yourself, you will never have the feeling of happiness and security 24/7 in any romantic relationship.  Love, happiness, stability, and feeling secure needs to come from your own ability to love yourself unconditionally and knowing how to give yourself what you need.  The author sounds like she jumped from one relationship to another hoping the man and the romance will fill the void in her life.

Yes sometimes there are times of disconnection and missing your partner in a marriage.  But not to the extent and misery this author describes.  

Post # 20
Member
2076 posts
Buzzing bee

I do not relate to this article at all.  H and I have been married for almost 5 years (been together almost 14 years).  Never once have I felt “lonely” in my relationship.  If I had, then I would venture to guess that the relationship was not doing well.

Post # 21
Member
1160 posts
Bumble bee

This woman seems to have quite an extreme case but maybe part of that is exaggerating for the article. But I can see how you can feel lonely in a marriage occasionally. My husband is an artist and sometimes gets a bit obsessed with that and although most of the time I am more than happy doing my own thing, if it coincides with a time when I need more support or am feeling a bit low it can feel lonely trying to get his attention sometimes but most of the time it’s for a day or two at most and if he doesn’t pick up after that I know how to talk to him to get him to snap out of it.

Post # 22
Member
3534 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

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ljm308:  110%

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