(Closed) Marriage = confirmation of being good enough?

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
2607 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Can totally relate.  Dated this guy off and on for 10 years, and I never got full Girlfriend status never mind Finacee.  Found out that during one of our “off” periods, he proposed to the girl he was dating.  It didn’t work out between them, (obviously, we were back on by the time I found out) but I HIT. THE. ROOF.  How DARE you string me along for the better part of a decade, then choose HER?  Why am I not worthy as wife material?  Thankfully, we broke up for good then, and I’m currently planning my wedding the absolute man of my dreams.  I was much like you in that I had very healthy self-esteem, but felt very rejected in this area of life.  Marriage is a natural milestone to achieve, and while it’s not “necessary” any longer, there is something really special about vowing to be together forever.  You just have to move marriage from the “how I feel about myself” category, over to the “what I want to achieve” category.  πŸ™‚

Post # 4
Member
363 posts
Helper bee

I couldn’t have said it better than @MissNoodles:

“You just have to move marriage from the “how I feel about myself” category, over to the “what I want to achieve” category. πŸ™‚ “

She just summed up right there what I wanted to say! πŸ™‚

 

 

 

Post # 5
Member
2607 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@minie77: We Canadian girls have all the smart answers right Minie?  πŸ˜‰

Post # 6
Member
363 posts
Helper bee

@MissNoodles:

Heeeeyyy, Winnipeg!  I just saw that πŸ™‚  I’m in Ottawa, nice to meet you!

Post # 7
Member
2821 posts
Sugar bee

I guess I think about it a bit differently.  Not everyone is going to be right for me so ‘good enough’ isn’t quite how I’d think about it, I guess I’d think of it more as ‘not meant to be’.  Commitment and monogamy are important to me and something I was always very upfront about.  I think marriage is a beautiful ceremony to celebrate that commitment with others.  So if someone didn’t want to be married to me than for me it’s a deal breaker and I guess I view it more as they’re not ‘good enough’ for me and I should keep looking.  If we don’t share the same values on such a core aspect of a relationship it’s just not going to work. 

Post # 8
Member
2154 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

You’re “choosing” him too, right? I agree that it’s not about being “good enough.” Anyone can get married. Crappy, horrible people get married all the time. It’s about spending your life with someone you love, someone who makes your life perfect, not because you’re married, but because you love each other perfectly. Marriage is very common. It doesn’t make you special. But your marriage should be special to you. As long as that’s true, you’re good, IMO. 

Post # 9
Member
3587 posts
Sugar bee

@Beluga: Anyone can get married. Crappy, horrible people get married all the time. It’s about spending your life with someone you love, someone who makes your life perfect, not because you’re married, but because you love each other perfectly. Marriage is very common. It doesn’t make you special.

This should be repeated. πŸ™‚

OP- I feel the same about the birthday thing. I turn 30 in 2 weeks and am SO excited, but the engagement thing is in the back of my head.

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