So I kept to my word and actually talked about it tonight. Afterwards he said I did seem nervous when I brought it up, but I think that’s only natural. It’s a scary topic to bring up for the first time.
You were all right. It went well. The way I brought it up was by saying that we’ve been joking around about a topic for a while, but we never actually had a direct conversation about it. I asked him if he knew what I was talking about and he said he has an idea. And from there I asked when he sees himself getting married, what things he sees as needing to happen before then, and most importantly, if he sees himself with me through all of it.
The answers were all positive, and exactly where I stand. He said he sees the “process starting” in a year or two, that we’re both okay with engagements lasting between a year and 3 years (3 being on the high end, which may happen simply because I’m in school and we live in different states for half of the week), and that he indeed sees me with him.
We also cleared up that we’re not in any sort of rush, and we’re not ready to be married right now. We’d both like to wait at least a year. But also, that school isn’t necessarily an obstacle, and neither is the living situation. We both keep going back and forth on living together before marriage, but we can see at least getting engaged before hand as a possibility. And we agree that I don’t have to be out of school to plan the wedding, however convenient that may be. I won’t be out of school for 4 years (doctoral degree), and neither of us feels like we should wait that long, at least to get the process started. I said I could see the actual wedding happening within my last year, or shortly after, and given our 1-3 year engagement period that means we might get engaged in a year or two.
He seemed to be more worried about paying for the ring than the wedding. Seems strange, but I can understand it. We’d both get help paying for the wedding from our parents (likely mostly mine), but the ring is all on him. So if it takes more like 2 years from now (as opposed to just one) it will probably be because he’s saving up. I tried to emphasize that I don’t need That expensive of a ring, but as I mentioned in another post, he’s a believer in the 1-2 month salary suggested price. What that means as of now is no more than 5,000 which is way more than enough for me. He said the higher end of that price might mean waiting longer, which he wouldn’t want to do, and I agreed that it’s not necessary. Meaning I would love a cheaper ring if it meant we get to be officially together sooner, and use the “extra” money for the wedding budget.
Samantha, I’m sorry this is so long. I meant to edit this into my original post, but I don’t know how lol Since you asked to be updated I decided to direct the reply at you (though I appreciate everyone’s feedback!)
So overall I’d call our first talk a success. I got way more information than I thought I would, and he was a lot more open to talk about it than I expected (though had hoped for anyway).
Thank you for everyone’s input 🙂
I hope this scratches that waiting itch I’ve been having lol I feel a lot better about our situation now, and like I don’t have to be anxious and uncertain about it anymore. Though we might bring it up occasionally, I think I might plan for another “big” talk in about a year to see if we’re moving at the pace we think we should be. And then in another year if nothing significant happens I think I might really be in the “waiting” phase lol