(Closed) Marriage ending

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
90 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@JustVenting:  I would give him a little space but not too much if that makes sense? I just watched my parents go through this exact thing last year. Don’t let him walk away, because you married him for a reason. But don’t smother him to the point where it drives him away.

I know I am the type of person who wants answers now and wants to work on things here and now. Men I’ve noticed are not creatures of wanting to talk and express themselves, nor do they want to feel as though we badger them for answers.

Do you feel like the relationship between this other woman and him is platonic? Or do you feel as though there’s more?

If this were me, I’d give it a few to calm down and reevaluate the situation before you jump to the conclusion that the marriage is over. I would also suggest that when you do get a chance to talk to him even if its a phone conversation, express the importance of your marriage and how important he is to you. Men like to hear that, even in times like this.

Just my two cents. Hope that helped…

Post # 6
72 posts
Worker bee

@JustVenting: I’m sorry that you’re going through this. I actually had a similar experience with my husband less than a year ago (before our 2nd anniversary). In my case, it was online infidelity (they had plans for hooking up in person, but I found out before that happened … but it had progressed into a full on relationship, with gifts being sent, “I love you” messages, and plans to divorce me and marry her).


Do you want the marriage to end? This was the question that I posed to myself before I even let him know that I knew about the affair. I realized that no, I do not want us to end, I wanted to fight for us. 


HOWEVER, as @Cmcrca pointed out, and as I found to be true as well, you will need to give him space. A LOT OF SPACE. He will come to you when he is ready to deal with the situation. I know this is counterintuitive (I guess most women, me included, want to deal with it immediately, hash everything out, and get it resolved quickly), but if you do want to save your marriage…


I’ve found some of the things on this list to be quite helpful: http://www.ultimatebetrayal.com/Advice.html




Hang in there. Even though you feel like you can’t breathe, like all the energy and life is being drawn out of you, hang in there. Know first what you want in your heart. Cry, whenever you need to, but never in front of him or anyone else who can tell him. He already knows that you want to work things out but you don’t want to give him power over you. You got married so that you can be partners, equals. It’s now his turn. In the meantime, take good care of yourself.


In my case, my husband and I are back together. He is more affectionate, considerate, and open than ever… and even though I’ve forgiven him, I have not forgotten the betrayal… I can’t still get over the doubt and suspicion that he is up to something… but that is something that I will have to live with and learn to get over.


Post # 7
9082 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Have you guys been having long term issues? Maybe he went out with her to vent and get an outsider’s perspective.

Post # 8
1770 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 1997


Actions speak louder than words. I’d stop calling, texting and waiting. Time for you to take control.. He is cheating hon, that much is clear. I’m sorry, try to get through one day at a time. You may want to stay with family or a friend. I feel for you.

Post # 9
11272 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@JustVenting:  he’s been gone for a week, won’t take your calls and doesn’t know when he’s coming home.  he has all the control and you’re feeding it.  stop contacting him.  it’s time for you to think about yourself.  focus on you.  keep yourself busy.  when he realizes that he no longer has control, he will change his tune.  sometimes just a bit of space is needed to realize what you’re missing. 

would this behaviour have anything to do with his addiction?  have the two of you consider any counselling?

Post # 10
6701 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011 - Baby boy 12/2015

I know it sounds hard, but I would stop calling/texting as well. I am the type of person who likes to resolve things immediately, and a week seems like a long time to me. Just my opinion. He either wants to work out things or not.


Post # 11
4313 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Time to 180 on his ass. He’s already in a weaker position by leaving the marital home. While I hope it works out, get any evidence you have and lay low.

Post # 13
1357 posts
Bumble bee

@JustVenting:  *hugs* this is awful, but I’m sure you can work through it if you both want to. Soon enough you’ll just have to confront him, a week is enough time to get his thoughts together… If he doesn’t want to talk still within the next few days, go to his friend’s house or catch him after work. Ignoring you is immature and not solving anything.

But there must be other issues than this event… If I saw my SO with another woman, cheating would never cross my mind, even if he was ignoring my calls. Has he shown signs of cheating besides that event, and besides calling her a few times?

Try not to be too upset, at least until you figure it out. Do something else for the time being, go out with friends, watch a funny movie. I know it’s hard, but everything WILL work out either way, and you don’t deserve to be miserable!

Post # 14
11356 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

I’m so sorry you are going through this. 🙁

I think the bees have given you some excellent advice about the importance of not jumping to conclusions regarding this situation and about not immediately entertaining thoughts of divorce.

Clearly, there are some significant issues that must be addressed in your marriage, but you and your Darling Husband are both in an extremely sensitive and precarious place  right now, and you both should avoid making any life-alterating decisions  until you’re able to sit down with each other and honestly and calmly discuss the facts regarding this situation. I also would encourage you to seek out a good, qualified counselor who can help guide you through that process. 

Post # 15
2966 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@mypinkshoes:  this!!!

OP i am really sorry this is happening to you! Hang in there and keep yourself busy! 

Post # 16
2662 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@deetroitwhat:  Sadly +1. Hope for the best but prepare for the worst, you know?


If he’s serious about saving the marriage, emergency therapy ASAP. I would start looking into therapists now before either of you can talk yourselves out of it. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. ((Hugs))

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