(Closed) Marriage is a verb

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
3378 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I completely agree with this.  I don’t believe in soul mates – I think some people are more compatible together than others, but I also believe that you need to commit to your marriage every day.  We decide to be commited, faithful, and we decide to love each other every day.  Love is a verb, too, and it’s an active decision.

Post # 4
Member
2522 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@SadieBee: Same here, I believe that love is active and means that you have to work at it.  When one gets married, they promise that to their partner.

Post # 5
Member
5118 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I agree. When times are tough, when you’re not agreeing or getting along, when you are angry or upset, you still have to make the choice to love that person. It’s easy to have a wedding, it takes effort to keep a marriage happy and healthy. It’s a choice.

Post # 6
Member
6248 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 1900

I always think of Monica on Friends:

I don’t think you and I were destined to end up together. I think that we fell in love and work hard at our relationship. Some days we work *really* hard.

I think marriage takes work and isn’t always easy.

Post # 7
Member
2891 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I definitely agree with this. Loving someone means choosing to think the best about them, being kind, being patient, giving sacrificially. It only makes sense that marriage would be a verb. 🙂

Post # 8
Member
121 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

That is the perfect way to describe it! I think this is the most important thing to remember, and one of the easiest things to forget sometimes. And I agree that anyone can do it – if they’re willing to dedicate the time and effort that it takes to make it really work. 

Post # 9
Member
2227 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

Marriage (n.)

The verb is to marry… I’m sorry! I couldn’t contain myself.

Post # 11
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Hah I was thinking the same thing…you can’t “marriage” someone…but the point is good!  Soulmates is just so statistically unlikely, I see how people can agree with that if they lead a religious life but without some higher purpose at work, I just can’t help but think “what are the odds?”

Post # 12
Member
331 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I don’t agree that anyone can do it. I do think there are people you are compatible with and that you can’t just walk up to a stranger and “marriage” them : ) BUT I believe the point is valid and it is something SO and I talk about. In fact he was the Best Man at our friends’ wedding and his speech to them was about true love being a journey and how there would be times it would not be easy and they would have to make active choices to love and honor each other. He also said he was proud of them and wished them all the luck in the world, blah blah blah. I almost cried (SO is not a very mushy, lovey-dovey person) at how sweet it was (I saw his mouth moving but almost couldn’t believe it was his voice haha) and how TRUE. I was so glad we were on the same page! 

Anyway, I think it is the work and dedication that makes love and marriage so powerful.

Post # 13
Member
866 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Firmly stepping on my knee-jerk reaction to “marriage is a verb” here…

I understand the intent behind the phrase. In fact, it reminds me very strongly of one of the themes from Luce Irigaray’s I love to You. It’s a sort of feminist, philosophical book (and a rather convoluted and dense one, at that) but I’ve studied it both while in school and more recently.

Essentially, the author proposes using the phrase “I love to you” instead of “I love you” because,

Saying ‘I love to you’ rather than ‘I love you’ is a way of symbolizing a respect for the other. The ‘to’ is a verbal barrier against appropriating or subjugating the other. Speaking differently in this manner is an integral part of Irigaray’s general project to cultivate true intersubjectivity between the genders.” (Source: http://www.iep.utm.edu/irigaray/#SH4b) Because plagiarizing isn’t cool.

She’s big on one person/gender not subjugating him/her self to another, and would like to see a progression toward a language that reflect that.

Anyway, marriage in and of itself may be a noun, but it’s a loaded word by all accounts. As modern women who are actively participating in a traditionally patriarchical social construct, we’re all probably hyper-aware that marriage takes workworkwork, talktalktalk, and work some more. It’s important to remember that, sure, but it’s equally important not to let the Marriage take over the Us in Love — that is, after all, how we all got there in the first place!

Post # 14
Member
286 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Absolutely, YES.

Post # 15
Member
170 posts
Blushing bee

I think that it’s immature to think that happy relationships just happen.  Also, I cringe when I hear “we’re just not happy anymore” because I think that happiness takes work and it’s not going to always be sunshine and roses.  I think there are ups and downs and you need to prepare for both.  When one or both parties think that it’s supposed to be all fun you have a problem.

Post # 16
Member
717 posts
Busy bee

i think it’s compatibility and effort.  you can’t just pick two random off the street and expect them to hit it off and have a full, satisfying life together.  but a good relationship isn’t something that just happens to you by default.  you have to be active and attuned to yourself and your SO.  it’s a give and take that has highs and lows

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