MARRIAGE IS DONE! WHAT SHOULD I DO NOW

posted 5 days ago in Married Life
  • poll: What should I do in my situation

    Keep putting up with his crap and his gaming addiction until I can find a decent place to move out

    Move to a hotel ASAP and put it on my credit card

  • Post # 2
    Member
    808 posts
    Busy bee

    As bad as things are now, don’t get yourself into debt, or spend lots of money needed for other purposes.  Can you relocate to another part of the house for the time being?

    I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this.

    Post # 3
    Member
    15514 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I think maybe if you’ve decided that it’s over, “dealing” with him will be easier?  If he’s in trouble and doesnt want to fill in paperwork to fix it?  fuck it, his problem.  He can deal with it himself and you dont have to help or “nag” him about it.  Let him be in his own world and deal with his own problems while you do you and prep to be in a good position to phyiscally get out.

    Post # 4
    Member
    721 posts
    Busy bee

    8 months ago you said the same thing – it’s too expensive etcect. You need to find a way to make that work. If that’s another job, a room mate, a smaller house, you should find a way to get out. Start working on your plan. Do not move to a hotel and put it on your credit card. Horrible idea.

    Post # 5
    Member
    500 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    I am sorry you find yourself in this position. Does your husband know you want a divorce? How old is your daughter? If I were you, I would tell your husband you want to separate and live as roommates. No more helping with with paper work etc.  Do you own the place you are in now? I would hesitate  to go into debt when you will need that money. 

    Also, as an aside, as a person who was raised by someone with bipolar, that’s really not how it works. It’s not like a laughing one minute screaming the next. That’s a common stereotype. There are different types of course but it usually looks something like a few days or weeks or a manic episode (euphoria, not sleeping, or eating, erratic and impulsive behavior) followed by severe depressive episodes that are usually longer in duration to counter balance the manic episodes. From your description, he sounds abusive,  not bipolar.

     

    Post # 6
    Member
    5464 posts
    Bee Keeper

    Go see a lawyer. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    4091 posts
    Honey bee

    You go to a lawyer is what you do. Every state is different and you leaving could be considered abandoning the home and give him leverage. You may need to file legal separation paperwork. I’m in a state where you have to be separated 12 months before you can even file for divorce. Again, talk to a lawyer.

    Post # 8
    Member
    85 posts
    Worker bee

    Go see a lawyer and figure out how to get a divorce. Moving into a hotel doesn’t solve anything and you have a child together. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    2598 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: City, State

    Those poll options are both super dramatic.  I know you’re upset, so the most important thing to do right now is breathe.  

    You need to have a logical, well thought out plan for leaving the marital home.  You should have an initial consultation with an attorney to ensure you know your rights before doing so. 

    Start gathering all of your important items and documents.  Do the same for your daughter.  

    Given his violent outburst last night, do not put yourself in a position where you are alone with him at the time you are leaving or serve him with the divroce paperwork. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    4400 posts
    Honey bee

    You need to go talk to a lawyer and to start figuring out your exit strategy. Start saving whatever cash you can in a bank account in your name only. Talk to a women’s shelter if you can’t afford rent to see if they can find you a safe space for you and your child. Or look into efficiency apartments. 

    You were in the same situation 8 months ago and you no more prepared now than you were then.  It’s time to get serious. 

     

     

    Post # 11
    Member
    1343 posts
    Bumble bee

    Please do not get into more debt because you are upset. That will only make things much worse.

    Post # 12
    Member
    7972 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    What should you do now?

    -Get your ducks in a row. Gather up all financial, legal, medical, personal information and store someplace safe.

    -See a therapist.

    -Schedule a meeting with a divorce attorney (or a few) to find someone you are comfortable working with and get real legal advice for how to proceed with ending your marriage. Laws vary from state-to-state within the US and widely around the globe. You need information specific to your location.

    -Stop engaging with him while you work through all the practical issues. Don’t nag him, only talk to him if you must–begin your independent life now even if you’re still under the same roof. Do not go into debt running away. Be smart. You have a child, you cannot afford to make rash, emotional decisions. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    561 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2021

    What’s your living situation? Is this a house, an apartment? Whose name is on the mortgage, or if rented, whose name is on the lease? Have you actually met with a lawyer to see what getting divorced would look like, see if you would qualify for alimony or what child support might look like?

    Post # 14
    Member
    472 posts
    Helper bee

    Hire a divorce lawyer. Document everything and have up to date financials for all joint and solo accounts, pension plans, investments and joint and solo debts before you go for your first consultation.

    Post # 15
    Member
    10 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: September 2017

    I would honestly figure out a budget and find something within my budget. If it’s too expensive, lower your expectations or find a way to increase your income. It’s not easy leaving but planning does help. In the meantime m, ignore him and just take care of you and your daughter. 

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