Post # 1
I’ve posted various times on here about various subjects.. but i thought id make a post about how hard it can be to be married.
I’ve only been married for 2 and a half years, im 26 – hes 29 we are still young. we had a whirlwind relationship of 3 years of a long distance reltionship and another 2 years living together before we got married. as we’ve grown older life has become more serrious – we both work crazy jobs now, general life stress and everything life is very different to when we first met when i was 19.
My ‘friend’ which ive posted about before who said she thought me and my husband were more like friends when she stayed at our house – but this is a girl who seems to critisie my every life move to make herself feel better.. even so, it effected me and questioned if my marriaged was normal.. but what is normal?
she seemed to base her opinion on the fact that I’ve had a health condition which effects my bladder and kidneys for the past few years which means i havent been able to have penatrive sex for over a year as its complete agony for me to do, its really effected my confidence emotionally and physically making me want to avoid intimacy however i have tried to keep things going without the tradional penatrive sex..
anyway, not sure why ive posted this.. i guess just what is normal? am I critising myself too much from circumstances I can not help, i dont know I guess it doesnt help when I have a ‘friend’ who seems to just slag off my relationship due to not having sex, not sure what she expected.. but livign with someone and working and having normal life can be far from a fairtale when your paying bills etc..
real life can be hard, sometimes it feels like me and my husband are passing ships in the night with our crazy schedules and other comittments it can feel like we don’t see each other enough due to work, but other people feel like this i dont know?
Post # 2
Is there time for the two of you to go on a date? Maybe a walk in the park or dinner, or even a weekend away? If you were able to set aside some time for connection and conversation, maybe you’d feel less like the other commitments are too in the way for your relatinships. I am sorry to hear about your health conidition as well as your friend who does not support you. I hope that you have some friends or family that build you up rather than tear you down.
Post # 3
Yes, marriage is very difficult, but it’s not impossible. I will say that sex is not all there is to a marriage. When you both exchanged vows, you vowed to be there for one another “for better or for worse” and “in sickness and in health”. You are, unfortunately, experiencing health issues that prevent you from having sexual penetration. As you stated, there are other ways to have that intimacy without penetration. Couples who have daily penetration don’t necessarily have a better relationship than you do. Both you and your husband just need to work together to find out what you both need/want from one another. Communication is key.
My husband and I work different shifts and have a difficult time spending time with one another during the week. We have our share of ups and downs, but we are trying to work on our communication to make sure we’re doing all we can to support one another emotionally and physically. Our marriage is far from a fairytale. I think it’s unrealistic to expect a fairytale when you have two people experiencing and reacting to life in different ways. That’s why we all need to work together as a team to overcome obstacles and other pressures.
As far as this “friend”……..I would not share anymore private information with her and would back away. She isn’t sounding like a very good friend. No “friend” should judge and criticize your relationship. A friend should be there to support you…….not bring you down……..
Post # 4
fl0werbee : hes just recnetly started a new job so its been crazy and hes been playing a football a lot as hes trying to loose weight and ive been busy with me job and my stuff..i’m sure everyone can relate in to temrs of busy life and everything..
yeah we have time, its just making that time and making sure we see each other espeically now he is just starting to do shift work.
this ‘friend’ has really torn me down.. she had so much to say about my relationship been too ‘friends like” yet she went back to someone who cheated on her. i’m pretty certain it was all an insecure thing just to make herself feel better..shes done it with other things too not just my relationship so im trying to stay clear of her but i think her damage has already been done in the terms of how shes made me feel.
with my friends its really difficult as they live so far away, most of them live 2-4 hours away whcih reallly sucks and my husband is meeting a lot of new friends with his new job so i am starting to feel a little bit loney as i only get to see my friends once a month or once every 2 months 🙁 luckily i have lots of family around me though
Post # 5
southerngal2016 : your right. i think because this friend made a huge deal on how we would split up if i didnt start having full sex again.. which is completly out of order. i found she started to tear me down in all ways all because her boyfriend was cheating on her.. maybe this made herself feel better…
yeah it can be hard, harder than i realsied. i thought it would be all sunshine and rainbows and be easy but when you throw life in to the mix like house stuff, bills, work, it can be hard!
Post # 6
- Wedding: Embassy suites Hotel
lola217 : most important thing is what does your husband think and how does he feel? I mean sex is huge part of any relationship and so in a way your ‘friend’ does have a point…
The only person that can tell you the future of your relationship is your husband.
Post # 7
Yes, marriage is hard. It involves constant growth and fliexibilty and re-commitment. People get sick, family or friends can die, bills can add up in unexpected ways it can move you to different places where you have to start over… But if both people are committed to it, it can survive just about anything. Keep communication open with him and do not talk about it with your “friend”. She is not living your life, nor does she have to understand how your marriage works. She has no business really, giving her thougts on it. What maters is your DH and how he feels about it all, and how you can work together to get the marriage back to a place where you both want it to be.
Post # 8
monkey89 : just because I can’t have full sex doesn’t mean she has a point.. wow..
theres a difference between not having sex because you can’t and because you don’t want to.
Post # 9
I get you, I haven’t been able to have penetrative sex or basically anything inside my vagina for almost a year due to endometriosis and a cervical erosion. It’s slightly different for me since my partner is a woman, but it just kind of puts you off sex when your vagina is painful off limits. I find that sex helps me feel closer to my partner and we’ve been growing apart slightly over the last 6 months due to this and work and other commitments.
I think your friend was very rude to say that, especially considering it’s not your choice to not have penetrative sex, you physically can’t because you have a condition. All I can say is maybe schedule regular date nights where you spend quality time together, maybe have a bottle of wine, that seems to always help me feel more “lovey dovey”. I like to spend time kissing and cuddling and that helps me feel closer to her to. But no one should try and make you feel like your marriage can’t work because you can’t have penetrative sex, that’s appalling.
Post # 10
lola217 : Just a word of advice, don’t tell your friends your personal business (especially when it come to your DH). Not everyone has good intentions. If you need someone to confide in, talk to your doctor about your health issues.
Post # 11
ariesscientist : I’m glad theres someone with sense! just because you cant have ‘normal’ sex doesnt mean you cant do other things at all.. i think some people on this thread maybe thought we just laid on on seprate sides on the bed all the time and not touhed each other.. FYI- there are other things you can do haha which im pretty sure friends dont do haha.
if its agony to have sex, you just cant and if you have issues down there its just a no go area.
yep, shes making a judgment saying she thinks i was lying about it and how ‘it cant hurt that bad’ evne though i have inflamed kidneys and a bladder which means anything going ‘up there’ is honestly like fire.
I thought i could trust her, but obviously not, its funny how she made such judgments yet she went back to someone who cheated on her i think that all might have something to do with it her judgment on me is more of a judgement of her own person
Post # 12
lola217 : Have you ever talked to your husband about all of this?
Post # 13
anthonyswife : of course I have You can’t have an illness which prevents you from having sex without mentioning it..
and in terms of the other stuff, yeah.. he’s just started a job with the police force so things are completely hetic and new right now which was to be expected..
a lot of my issues come from what is created in my own head and what is expected of a relationship I’m aiming for perfection and fairytale but when you have rent to pay bills to pay jobs to do reality is different
Post # 14
lola217 : I meant your insecurities.
Post # 15
It’s not smart to share relationship problems with friends, in general. Sure if you have a huge problem that you are the source of and you need a kick and your friend is that type, maybe. But in general if you want friends to respect your partner you can’t share all of the details/complaints.
Im not saying this is your fault, more that it’s not just you who has this problem.
If you’re connecting physically in other ways, that’s great. Physical problems/health issues are a part of marriage/relationships. Just find a way to keep up the emotional connection that comes from intimacy.