Marriage is hard?

posted 7 months ago in Married Life
Post # 2
Member
636 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2018 - UK

To be honest, I’ve found it pretty easy too. We’ve been married for a year, together 7, and it’s been easy the whole time, particularly if I compare it to how hard my previous relationships were!

Post # 3
Member
162 posts
Blushing bee

I guess it comes down to what is considered hard and what is considered work. I think people have different views on that. I don’t want to work hard (at work or in my personal life). Maybe working with someone towards a common goal what they consider hard. For someone else it is just a part of relationship that involves compromise.

In my opinion, human relationships are difficult wether it’s with spouse, parents, friends, colleagues. It requires balancing between personalities, personal desires And the other persons desires. And of course the balancing becomes more difficult the more time you spend together. I wouldn’t consider it hard work, but some might think like me and use the term hard work. I’m not married but I’ve been with my bf for almost 7 years so it’s possible that the “I do” changes things that I’m yet to find out. 

Post # 4
Member
5345 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

Living together can have its challenges as can getting to the stage where you automatically consider the other person in all decisions but I don’t think marriage should be hard. 

I do think it is conscious effort to make sure you grow with a person rather than apart from them over the decades.  Falling in love is the easy bit but maintaining that over 50 years takes effort as you move through different stages of life.  

Unmarried but together 10 years.  

 

Post # 5
Member
2556 posts
Sugar bee

While I’m not currently married, I do think I can weigh in on this because I was married at one time….

My first marriage was hard work.  Everything seemed like such a struggle.  And I thought that was NORMAL and every relationship was that way because of articles like you reference.  In the end, it was a terrible marriage and I have no regrets ending it as I would rather be alone for the rest of my life than deal with the emotional toll that relationship took on my life.  

FF to the present, I am currently engaged to a wonderful man and while we aren’t married yet, this relationship is a complete 180 to my previous marriage.  And while there is a certain level of work required to keep a relationship going, there is nothing hard about it as I enjoy every single moment of it.

 

  

Post # 6
Member
437 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

I’m not married yet, so I have no personal experience, but my parents have been married for over 30 years and both would insist that marriage isn’t hard. Life can be hard sometimes, but they strongly feel that their marriage has made life’s hardships easier. 

I often wonder if that message is in some way a holdover from when people didn’t live together before marriage, when it was more normal to have faster courtships. I’m sure that moving in with someone you haven’t known very long and have never lived with IS hard!

Post # 7
Member
2917 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

juneweddingbee :  I’ve been married about the same time as you, my husband and I have since had some fights (more like arguments) but nothing crazy or life altering. I definitely wouldn’t say it’s been hard, but I’m sure that as time goes on and we start to make more life changing decisions (buying a house, having children, etc) things might not be quite as “easy” as they have been the last 7 months. 

I usually see a lot of articles sayign the first year of marriage is the hardest, which I’ve never quite understood. I assume that’s meant more towards couples who don’t live together prior to marriage so they have a big adjustment period? Nothings really changed for us sinec we’ve gotten married.

Post # 8
Member
1005 posts
Bumble bee

I think life can be hard. A marriage has to make it through multiple stages of life, so in that regard, it takes conscious effort to support each other through the ups and downs. 

On a day to day basis? It shouldn’t be hard to be together. Tumultuous relationships with repetitive arguing and making up (you know, sitcom sh!t) aren’t how it’s supposed to be. You should know before getting married that you can compromise well, work through difficulties, and appreciate your partner for who they truly are, not a romanticized version.

Post # 9
Member
2556 posts
Sugar bee

zzar45 :  I do agree with your comment about growing together and think it’s very crucial in making relationships last over time.  

Post # 11
Member
9609 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

I’ve been with my husband for 10 years, married for 2.5. Our relationship has never been hard. Our marriage has not been hard. We’ve gone through some difficult times but having each other has helped us get through those hard times. My marriage is probably the easiest thing in my life!

Post # 12
Member
1237 posts
Bumble bee

  I’ve never found marriage in of itself, hard. Certain issues may be. But I love being married. Why I am exited for this second marriage. Not jaded at all.  It is true that you need to constantly put into your marriage, though. Don’t relax so far you forget effort. Keep yourself to a high standard. 

Post # 13
Member
3529 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 29th, 2016

Difficulty is so subjective because every marriage starts off on a different foundation and progresses differently than the next. But everything changes when you have another human being’s needs and feelings to consider just as equally or even more than your own. You can’t just jump up and make unilateral decisions anymore. Sometimes life throws obstacles your way and you can’t handle them the same way that you would if you only had yourself to look out for. For example, my husband’s had a rough job search after the previous non-profit he worked for lost funding and couldn’t pay him anymore. He can’t just decide to start looking for jobs across the country and accept any offer he wants to, he has to consult with me about if and where I’d be willing to move. I’m more limited in my own job search due to having a great insurance plan as a state employee that I need to keep for a health isssue that my husband has that isn’t always covered by other employers. On another note, sometimes people change or don’t change. Little habits that we thought we could live with now drive us crazy, or your spouse starts doing things that you don’t remember them doing when you were just dating, like leaving hair in the sink or their dirty socks on the floor when they used to keep their apartment impeccable every time you came over. This third year of our marriage has been the most trying because of the unforseeable obstacles that have come our way. It’s tested us as individuals and as a married couple. But we go back to what made us fall in love with each other in the first place, and I can’t imagine spending my life with anyone else, in good times or bad.    

Post # 14
Hostess
3830 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

I think LIFE is hard.  But marriage shouldn’t be.  We’ve had a really hard 8 months around here, and I can definitely see how for some people pulling away from their spouse would be the direction they went in when life was crappy. And we are both aware of that, so instead we held on tight to one another and acknowledged that things were bad in our life, but sticking together through that I think has made our marriage better. 

Post # 15
Member
6791 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

I don’t think marriage is hard. In fact, I think a lot of people use that expression to excuse crappy relationships.

I think LIFE is hard. Hopefully your partner makes navigating the difficulties of life easier. I know mine does! I have been married almost 3 years (together 8) with a 14 month old son and I can honestly say this is the easiest relationship I’ve ever been in. That doesn’t mean everything is always sunshine and lollipops but we both bring out the best versions of each other and work together as true partners. I think the biggest thing is that a lasting marriage takes some conscious effort. You have to make the choice each and every day to be committed to that person want to work through the tough stuff when that arises. 

Leave a comment


Find Amazing Vendors