Marriage is hard?

posted 6 months ago in Married Life
Post # 46
Member
122 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2019

zzar45 :  I do think it is conscious effort to make sure you grow with a person rather than apart from them over the decades.  Falling in love is the easy bit but maintaining that over 50 years takes effort as you move through different stages of life.  

Love what you said!

To add my 2 cents, I’ve been married nearly 2 months and it’s been hard, just like being in a relationship was hard. Not hard because my husband sucks or I do, but because we’re both working our hardest at always moving in the same direction, communicating even when it’s not easy and making each other the priority. We work hardfor our happiness, hard as in with passion and dedication 🙂

Post # 47
Member
886 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

juneweddingbee :  Getting married is not hard. If you lived together before marriage (as many people do), nothing actually changes once you are married. What is hard work is staying married through all of the ups and downs of life. (Job loss, the death of a parent, the birth of a child, etc) 

Come back in 8 years and let us know if you still think marriage is easy 🙂 

Post # 48
Member
1984 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016 - Sussex, UK

Marriage hasn’t been hard for us at all. Since our wedding we’ve seen three couples divorce who have children so I think having kids is one of the biggest tests. We watched relationships change before our eyes. There are of course friends who have become parents and work well as a team.

Further down the line I have a colleague who is 50, wife 48 and she’s going through the menopause and her personality has changed completely. His marriage is hanging on by a thread and it’s sad to see as they had been happy for 25 years. 

Post # 50
Member
1551 posts
Bumble bee

Weve been together 9 years and married for 3 this year and its never been hard for us. Having a baby was like being hit by a train, but its never been hard with my husband and our relationship is still great with our daughter in the picture. 

Post # 51
Member
2071 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

I think marriage isn’t hard until it is. I was with my first husband for 15 years, married for 10. Up until year 10, I would have said our marriage was easy, we made life better for each other, were each other’s biggest supporters, etc. Then I got sick and life was the hardest it had ever been for us. I thought the illness brought us closer and made our bond stronger. However, he saw me as a completely different person, someone who was sick, and he lost feelings. So, when it got hard, he asked for a divorce. In retrospect, it turned out for the best because it gave me the chance to meet my now-husband and we’ve been together for over 6 years and we were married in October. I don’t think my marriage is hard at all, but I am not complacent either. Life has a way of changing things you never dreamed would be changed.

Post # 52
Member
899 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

My mother, who has been married just over 50 years, sums it up like this, every marriage will go through hard times (death, job loss, money problems  however, those are outside problems that you face together and work together through.  Your marriage itself shouldn’t be hard.  Your marriage should bring you joy.  For the most part I agree with her.  People get this notion in their heads that marriage is supposed to be hard and that you should be constantly working at it (especially judging by fb posts I see) It shouldn’t have to be that hard.  

Post # 53
Member
189 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2029

juneweddingbee :

I have yet to marry, but I know quite a few people who have been married 30+ years.  Marriage isn’t a cake walk, but if 2 people are willing, it won’t be that hard.  TBH I think many young people (not all) nowadays are very “me” minded.  This is prob what makes marriage hard, that people are very self centered and have to share/compromise w/another person.

Post # 54
Member
327 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

My marriage isn’t hard. We’ve been married for 2.5 years, together for 14 years. Compromise is something that takes some work, but when you love each other it shouldn’t be hard.

Post # 55
Member
318 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

I think this is possibly a saying that is likely to resonate more after 40 years than 8 months. It’s crazy to imagine that the act of getting married will somehow magically make the relationship immediately harder. It’s not marriages that are hard it’s managing to make a relationship last and work over many many years. And typically there will be points when even super supportive lovely husband will throw up some challenges. 

That said it is lovely to hear of so many positive experiences and happy people! I hate the way we tell people these sorts of things and it starts becoming a self fulfilling prophecy xxx

Post # 56
Member
987 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

I’ve been with my Fiance for almost 5 years, and we’re getting married just after our 5th anniversary

Our relationship has never been hard, because whenever we had difficult times, or fought over dumb ass petty things, we always stepped back, took a breath, worked it out, and moved swiftly on.

I consider something hard when you’re not able to step back and take that breath. Then, to me, the indication is your relationship is doomed. That fighting is preferable to reflection and compromise. That is hard. 

Relationships and marriage shouldn’t be hard. I’m not looking forward to marriage because I think things will be different. We have lived together for 3.5 years. There’s nothing new that marriage could bring for us. But I’m looking forward to knowing that come hell or high water, this man is by my side for it all, by law. Lol.

Post # 57
Member
863 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

some people got it easy some people thought marriage would fix things. i love my husband and we didnt live togther before we were married, so there were bumbs and road blocks along the way.  people who think “oh we never argue” is usually because one folds easier than the other. i am not one to fold, maybe im too out spoken maybe i could be less selfish. but im not lol i dont think my husband got it easy i think he went in knowing it was a challenge and he couldnt see himself with some boring girl who says yes and went along with everything. 

some people live togther foreer and never decide to marry does that they dont count? 

Post # 58
Member
100 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 1995

I’ve been married almost 24 years. Marriage isn’t “hard” work if you marry the right person. But you know what is hard? Life. Sometimes. Other times life is magical and you are skating on the stars with your beloved hand in hand. It works out really well when you have a life partner thrilled to share his/her life with you even when rotten things happen. If you get someone like that, you can face anything life throws at you, because the two of you are a team, and you strengthen each other. 

I can honestly say that my marriage is not and never was “hard.”  Of course we faced many difficulties over the years: job loss, death of family members, ailing parents, illness, change of plans. But, all these years later we still talk for hours, and we are genuinely excited to see each other at the end of every work day. Just like we were in our 20’s.

I’m just adding my story because a lot of happy newlyweds out there may be told by other people —- “Oh yeah, you think you’re happy now, but let’s just see what you have to say about it in 20 years.” Well, I am pleased to tell you that yes, it does happen. You can have a fulfilling marriage that isn’t labeled “hard work.” 

Post # 59
Member
3847 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

I think the only person I can actually remember saying this to me is my cousin, who got married at 19 and went straight from living in her parents’ house to living with her husband (no sex before marriage either). Now THAT would be hard, what an adjustment! You would literally have to learn how to live with this person (who you may find you don’t know as well as you thought you did!) and learn everything about running your own household all at once. 

That sort of marriage was more common in the past so I can see how getting married could generally have been viewed as being a hard time. But these days, if you’ve already been with someone for years and you know all that stuff, there’s no reason why signing papers would automatically create difficulty. 

Post # 60
Member
1381 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

I think relationships/ marriages go through seasons and not all of them are easy. My Husband and I have been together for almost fifteen years and married for eight (and had three kids in 5.5 yeArs) and I wouldn’t say it’s been “hard” but some parts of it have been easier than others.

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