Marriage is hard?

posted 6 months ago in Married Life
Post # 61
Member
1179 posts
Bumble bee

I don’t believe in marriage is hard, or should be hard. I do believe it requires maintenance and attention. So it’s not “easy” per se. But to me, it should be fun and enjoyable. Of course there are things in life that will test your marriage, but really I think it’s life that is hard in that sense. The relationship itself should be the least hard thing in life in my mind, compared to everything else that is going on. If you’re choosing to spend the rest of your life with someone, surely being with them are meant to at least not make life harder for you, if not actually add joy and make things easier?

I think the saying makes people stay in bad / wrong relationships longer, and allow bad things to happen to them, and choose not to walk away. Because they expect things to be hard and have to work for it, so they don’t know where the line is for walking away.

Post # 62
Member
361 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

Darling Husband and I have been married for a year and a half and I wouldnt say that marriage is hard, I would say at times life is hard and that can put a strain on the marriage but over all, as long as you love eachother and you’re always a team I dont think its hard xx 

Post # 63
Member
949 posts
Busy bee

juneweddingbee :  I didn’t read all the responces so I’m replying to the original post. 

We are 3 years into our marriage and I am very lucky that Darling Husband and I have such a good relationship and strong communication. I am always baffled by people who seem to have marriages they “tolerate”. I am very much in love with this man!  

BUT… and it’s a big but… we are still struggling to figure out how to manage joint finances and what sort of financial expectations to have of the other. He owns his own business, so the money comes in peeks and valleys, and he is not good at saving, so I turn into a nag. We don’t *fight* about it – we speak nicely and calmly, but it’s pretty clear that we have very different ideas of money. We might just have to have the same conversation on the first of every month for the rest of our lives. That’s not the end of the world, we obviously have the tools to work through it.  But I think some poeple see any amount of non-perfection as a sign that the marriage is too hard and you start to get articles with headlines like “Marriage is so much work!”. 

I do think that  desertgypsy :  totally nailed it! – LIFE is hard. In a 90 day period (maybe less?) we got battered with stressfull news: his mom’s cancers came back, we thought “yeah, now is a great time to TCC” – then I got laid off a month later, and we won a lawsuit.  Now if he would just stick to a budget. 

 

 

 

Post # 64
Member
237 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: City, State

This is something i have actually thought about quite a lot, with a year to go i wanted to make sure i fully understand what im getting into. 

Sorry if im repeating whats already been said, but having spoken to a lot of married people, some recently some less so, i personally have come to the conclusion that it isnt that marriage itself is hard, its not suddenly harder when you sign the paperwork, but just that being in a long term committed relationship is hard. 

We’ve done a lot of the big things already, buying a house, suffering bereavement and trauma, and long term mental health problems, and weve worked through it all. 

Its more that just keeping things going and fresh and happy is hard, people and relationships can be hard, but it wont always be, like life in general it comes in phases, some months easier than others. 

Post # 65
Member
1575 posts
Bumble bee

1 year married and it’s been bloody awesome, I always say why didn’t we do this sooner. I love being a wife, having a hubby, having a home – the whole lot. I feel incredibly blessed.

Post # 66
Member
1911 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Been together 3 years, married for 1.5 years, and our relationship has never been hard. 

Post # 67
Member
243 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

You’ll have a tough time getting a true answer on this site as it’s filled with newlyweds. Marriage has been easy so far for me but I’ve only been married a year (together 6 years). Try asking married couples together 10+ years that have weathered stressors like loss of job(s), injury/disability, death, children, aging parents, etc. So many things can happen to make life difficult but once you’re married, decisions have to be made as a team which can complicate things. I feel this is why it’s often said that marriage is hard.

Post # 68
Member
2626 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

juneweddingbee :  I kind of feel the same. We have been married 14 months now and the hard parts have been the infertility stuff, but even that has brought us closer and taught us how to communicate more effective as well. We did buy a house and live together a little over a year and a half, but even that adjustment for us wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be. We are best friends, who love love love on each other. Our previous relationships were difficult and so stress filled, that I think it taught us a lot about ourselves and how to do life with another person. We are so similar and don’t fight all that much, and if we do it’s a minor argument that is solved quite quickly. 

Thay being said, I honestly think a relationship/marriage is defined by your version of difficulty, personalities and the circumstances of your living arrangements, as well as the stressors that are placed upon you as a couple and how you deal with them. 

Post # 69
Member
761 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

 

juneweddingbee :  I agree with all the posters that said a good marriage isn’t hard but life is, and a good marriage is what makes it better. I also equate marriage and relationship because the only thing that changes with marriage is legal statuses.

All my relationships before my current one were difficult and I thought that’s how it’s supposed to be. I’m not saying my current relationship is a cake walk; it definitely takes effort and compromise.. But when you’re doing those things for something you love, it feels less like hard work and more like fun. Yes, we’ve had our fair share of arguments but that’s a minor percentage of the time we spend together and most of the time, the arguments are misunderstanding / misinterpreting something  

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