(Closed) Marriage is hard… how?

posted 5 years ago in Married Life
Post # 182
62 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2015 - Santa Barbara Courthouse & Nectar

I too didn’t read every single comment, and everyone has their own opinion about marriage and how hard it is. Or isn’t. You’ll discover this when you have your own relationship(s) and eventually get married, if you choose. 

What people bring into their relationship can help dictate their relationship and how easy or hard it is. You can have a marriage that isn’t hard; it is possible. Know your dealbreakers, who you are as a person, and that when you choose to love someone you are chosing to love them as they are not because of what you think you can change them into. And that when you do choose to fight with your spouse that your winning that fight means your spouse losing it. Be appreciate, find something that makes you fall more in love everyday, and do something to make your spouse fall more in love with you. 

Post # 183
880 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2006

I don’t even know how to respond to this. 

OP…maybe these are questions you may want to ask your parents or a clergyman. 

Post # 184
29 posts
  • Wedding: September 2015

I also haven’t read all the responses yet either, but probably will go back and do so. I just thought I’d address your questions about newlyweds and how things can change when they start out so happy.

A lot of things happen when you fall in love, when it comes to hormones. Chemically, when you first fall in love you’re producing hormones very similar to that of someone who is addicted to drugs like cocaine or heroine, and being with your lover produces a “high.” This is responsible for the “in love, everything is wonderful, nothing could possibly go wrong and this person’s flaws are easily overlooked” experience. On average, these chemical changes wear off after about 3 years. This puts a couple in a predicament.

They can communicate, they can choose to love each other, they can compromise and work together to build a relationship that will work. But sometimes the differences that were once seen as so easily overlooked become insurmountable obstacles that really put a strain on people. Or maybe life throws hard things at the couple and they can’t get through it together because they haven’t built a solid relationship on anything other than those giddy “in-love” feelings. Marriage becomes more work, and yes it can be hard to put in the effort it takes to keep it a healthy happy relationship.

A different kind of chemical love bond can be created after that “in-love” part goes away, but it is a bond that takes a bit more work and won’t feel quite the same. It’s a deeper more companionable bond, and if nurtured properly can make a marriage good and last.

There are several studies about chemistry and how it affects both attraction and the feeling of love, you may be interested in learning more about that and how it works and what people can do to keep things going strong. It takes more effort, truly, and sometimes that effort can be tough, but if you’re willing to put in the work and your partner is willing to do so as well, it can turn out well.

Post # 185
200 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Lots of people have given you very good answers, but in your responses, you don’t seem to be listening at all. You keep saying things like ‘I just feel like marriage will be like a fairy tale’ or ‘to me, marriage just seems like bliss and roses’. You asked the question – did you actually want the answer, the truth, or are you content to just stay in your deluded little bubble? There is nothing to be gained from basing your world view on films, social media and books. Here are real live people telling you that marriage is hard work and you aren’t listening. Why even start this thread if you don’t care about the answers?

Post # 186
668 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

It is hard because there is always some issue.  With us it’s other people, lol.  Other than that we are fine with finances, sex, kids, etc.

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