Post # 1
I agree, the first year is hard. My husband and myself were together for over 9 years before we got married, and we lived together for 8 of those 9 years. We have been married for a few months know, and have fought more in these months then the 9 years before marraige. I am not sure why it is but we are struggling.
Post # 3
@Trying:Hugs, I’m sure it will pass soon. Change is always a little difficult.
Post # 4
Marriage is hard. We’ve actually been doing really well and fighting less than before, but when we do fight it takes on this cosmic significance, because I “can’t believe I married someone who…” whatever. It’ll be okay, just try to talk it out, because your partner is probably grappling with some of the same feelings you are, and it may bring you closer to share them.
Post # 5
What are the main things you guys are fighting about? Did you have any of these issues before marriage?
Post # 6
You sound exactly like my husband and I. We had been together 9 years on the day we got married and had lived together for 6 of them. Somehow, marriage did change things, and as a previous poster pointed out, each fight mentally becomes a “I can’t believe I married someone who XYZ, did I make a HUGE mistake???”.
One of the things I was looking out for was money issues. We merged our finances together and while I was expecting it to cause some major fights since we were suddenly financially accountable to each other, it seemed to bring us together instead. I do remember one incident where he was arguing that he didn’t want to pay off “my” credit card bill that month and I had to point out:
A. the credit card was now in his name too so it is OUR credit card
B. It was all stuff from the wedding, half of which he should be responsible for anyway and
C. No matter who said they were paying it, they money was all coming from the same joint account anyway!
Since then, we’ve just fallen into the rhythm of saving and now feel more united in our long term goals.
We did, however, fight A LOT about other stuff in the very beginning. There was no “honeymoon period”, no my husband poops rainbows and unicorns and we’re so happy, la la. We went right back to our lives with some extra bills and I think me taking a full time job for the first time caused way more problems than anything else I had anticipated. His ignoring me to watch baseball in the evening and football every Sunday suddenly didn’t seem like opportunities for me to go visit my girlfriends, it was my Husband ignoring his Wife during the only hours we got to spend together and ahhhhrooooaaarrr.
I can say that at the six month mark, things are settling down. We have a routine going and have been getting along swimmingly despite some tough issues we’ve had to deal with lately. It does get better!
Post # 7
We’ve only been married for a month, and it’s been great. But, I feel like I”m walking on tiptoes waiting for that whole “first year of marriage is so tough” stuff to kick in. I know everyone’s first year is different, but we’ve both been independent and living on our own for so long (I’m 29 and he’s 26), that I can’t imagine us not having some growing pains this year. At least, it should be comforting that everyone talks about the first year being so hard, which naturally implies that it will eventually get better!