"marriage isnt for me" article

posted 6 years ago in Married Life
Post # 17
Member
11449 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

In re-reading my comments from last night, I realize that I should have added that the closer my Darling Husband and I become in our individual relationships with God, the better our relationship is with each other.  Nothing  attracts me to my husband more than when his heart is sensitive to God’s Spirit, and he is able to show to me the kind of unconditional, sacrificial love that only God is able to give to him to share with me.  Likewise, I am never more able to love my husband fully than when I’m allowing God to share His love with me, so that I am able to then give that same love to my Darling Husband.  In and of ourselves, apart from God, we know that we cannot manufacture that kind of unconditional, self-sacrificing love to give to each other.

@BlondeMissMolly:  “I find that most interpersonal conflicts result from baggage people bring into their relationships.”

SO true!!!

 

Post # 18
Member
2143 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I thought it was very touching, and a good mindset to keep a healthy relationship strong and loving. But, following that kind of advice can be dangerous if you’re the only person in the relationship doing it! Always be ready to evaluate your relationship carefully and be honest about yourself if you’re being mistreated. 

Post # 19
Member
1843 posts
Buzzing bee

My Dear Daughter posted this on her facebook today and she posted, “marriage is not for me” prior to posting the link.  She almost gave me a heart attack because we are supposed to be picking up her wedding gown at 5pm!

Post # 20
Member
1461 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@Brielle:  +10000000000000000000000 exactly my feelings.

Post # 21
Member
433 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@hermom:  hahaa yea someone who’s engaged also posted it on fb with the same caption so I was pretty suprised

Post # 22
Member
4047 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

I like the article. I think people need to be happy with themselves and by themselves before entering a relationship – but then in that relationship I think it is important for each partner to put the other first. No one’s needs will wither because the partner is meeting those needs.

However, that doesn’t mean we can’t exist apart from our partners, which is why it is important to feel satisfied with oneself before entering a serious commitment.

Post # 23
Member
578 posts
Busy bee

I loved the article. It is a great reminder that we are not entering a marriage for selfish reasons of making ourselves happy. I once heard a friend and role model for me say that his main goal in this life is to make sure his wife gets to Heaven. That is the kind of selflessness our cuture needs more of. I feel the same way about my Fiance. Making our spouse happy and fulfilled in turn fulfills ourselves. 

Post # 24
Member
379 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I liked the article, but didn’t agree with it 100%. My marriage is for my husband AND me and we work to make it a happy relationship for both of us. I think it’s great to focus on making sure you do kind things for your husband/wife, but I feel like he really glossed over having some issues and solved it with, “I was an ass, but she still loved me, so it worked out OK.”
I’m also in a CFC marriage, so while I think it’s important to find a partner who will make a good parent if you’re going to have children, it isn’t necessarily a deciding factor for all couples. I think my husband would make an excellent husband, but I didn’t marry him because it would be good for any future children. When that isn’t a part of the picture, I think you have some other things to think about. I’ve often felt that when people learned we wouldn’t have children, they were a little bewildered, thinking “well, then why are you getting married?” It’s harsh, but I had to learn how to answer that question for myself…

Post # 25
Member
3846 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Not sure why this is going so viral. I think you need to strive to make each other happy, but you also need to take some accountability for your own happiness. If you are independently happy and confident your relationship will be better. I don’t rely on Darling Husband for all of my happiness. It’s a sweet sentiment, but not 100% accurate. I still think it depicts marriage as very individualistic (it’s my job to make him happy) instead of like a team (it’s our job to make each other happy and figure out how to make this thing work the best for both of us).

Post # 26
Member
3339 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island

It’s an interesting philosophy, and if it works for that guy, then that’s good for him.

Personally, I subscribe to my own father’s philosophy, which is that 1+1 can equal 3.  Both people should be putting something into the relationship, but then together you can create more than you both had separately.

Post # 27
Member
134 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I don’t agree with the article because it isn’t realistic.  Its very sweet, but at the end of the day, you also should want to get married for you. 

All it takes is one big major fight between husband and wife, and the husband will say that he didn’t want to get married if not as a favor for her, and that’ll be something he will hang over her head for a long time.  

If the guy isn’t the “marrying” type, then he should be with someone who also isn’t the “marrying” type.  Its just my opinion.

Post # 28
Member
298 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - White Point Garden, Charleston, SC

I don’t hate it, but don’t agree.  Also, he lost me at “get married for the kids.”  It’s pretty offensive to me that he implies everyone who gets married has children.

Post # 29
Member
4371 posts
Honey bee

@BlondeMissMolly:  I like what you posted.

 

As for the article, it’s sort of “meh” to me. It rubs me a bit the wrong way that he says he only got married for the other person. Does that mean he would have married anyone who wanted to marry him? I feel like he’s inferring that he gets nothing out of it, or at least minimizing his own benefits that he gets from being married. 

To me, being married means you do your best for the other person, and to put them first most of the time. Being with the person I love most makes me want to be a better person– THAT is the benefit I get from it, in addition to all the other wonderful things. 

 

Post # 30
Member
173 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I feel like the reciprocation was very much implied in the article, and working as a team: 

He says: “Marriage is about family” whether it’s a family of 2(the couple), or a family of 20, or anything in between, you have to give into that relationship and the people in it.

In order to get something good out of a marriage, you have to invest in it, the idea being that the other reciprocates and puts in the work too. And sometimes there’s hard times where one person pulls more weight than the other, but it should even out somehow over time. 

I was kind of inspired by it. I don’t think the point was that you should ONLY give and never take, but rather to not think of your relationship as a 50-50 exchange all the time by giving generously and being always thankful and appreciative for what is given to you. Just like the author was so appreciative when his wife was so good to him, and he wanted her to feel as amazing as she made him feel! 

I feel like people who try and use this to convince their SOs to marry them out of a feeling of duty and trying to be selfless (to a very selfish person!) should really feel ashamed that they don’t at all understand the article. 

 

Post # 31
Member
2837 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@nearlymarriedlass:  Between FB, the Bee- and other social sites, I feel like the author was seriously taken out of context.  Or maybe people are just reading into this article too much.  Unless you start nit-picking, I think it makes perfect sense.

You can’t enter into a marriage just because you are happy- or it makes you happy.  My guess is, you already make the other person happy if they want to marry you, right?

I think if you’re both invested in the marriage, you make each other happy- playing off of one another.

 

 

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