(Closed) Marriage leading to career change

posted 10 years ago in Married Life
  • poll: Did your marriage enable you to change careers/jobs?
    No, I love my job and wouldn't change it. : (6 votes)
    25 %
    I wish. : (8 votes)
    33 %
    Yes, my DH has provided the financial support for me to change careers. : (4 votes)
    17 %
    Yes, my DH has provided the emotional support for me to change careers. : (6 votes)
    25 %
  • Post # 3
    400 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2009

    I haven’t gotten to that point, but our engagement led to my FI’s career change. He had gone into PR like I did, but wasn’t happy.

    He is currently going back to school (even though he already has a BS in PR) and will get another degree in about a year. My parents are lending us the money so we will only be in debt to them, not some credit company.

    Post # 4
    330 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2008

    I’ve been working lousy retail jobs for about 5 years while trying to land a job in the interior design field (that’s what I majored in in college). Unfortunately I was never able to land a job of any kind that offered me the opportunity to advance. Thankfully my hubby was in full support of me just completely quitting my job and staying at home. So I have been unemployed for almost two weeks now and I couldn’t be happier! I was so tired of working jobs that led to nowhere while having to deal with uber rude customers who treated me like dirt. Now I stay at home and take care of our dogs, maintain our home, and am slowly working on starting my own papercrafting business! I get to do things I actually enjoy doing and i get to spend more time with my hubby! I don’t think it gets better than that!

    Post # 5
    142 posts
    Blushing bee

    Mine is the reverse, where our engagement led to my fiance’s career change. We’re an international couple, and in order to stay living in the same country he ended up going back to university to do a Master’s degree. It’s something he’s always wanted to do, but never felt like he could, didn’t have the right incentive, that sort of thing. At first I was nervous that since he was initially doing it to get the student visa that he wouldn’t like it, but he’s been so happy to have made this big step, and really feels like it’s going to make a great difference to his life. So… yay!

    Post # 6
    613 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2009

    cannotwait this is such a great post!!

    I think I am in a similar situation as you.  FI and I both work long, crazy hours, but I hate my career and Fiance LOVES his.  The pay is great and I have benefits so I guess I shouldnt complain.  But how will we have a family is both of us maintain our current career paths?

    He and I have not talked about it yet, but I will probably slow down (i know, not very progressive).

    Post # 8
    46 posts
    • Wedding: November 2008

    This is a really interesting topic for me.  I feel like I’ve spent the majority of my time preparing for my career–working hard at school, taking a first job that would help prepare me, obsessing over law school apps, going to (and paying for) a top law school.  And now working as a lawyer, spending a lot of time thinking about my career path and developing a practice.

    Darling Husband is also a lawyer, but kind of fell into it.  Also, he has no debt from law school.

    Of the two of us, he’s the better lawyer.  First, he’s just an insanely good lawyer.  And second, he cares about it more than I do.

    We both want kids, and there’s simply NO WAY to do it on our schedules — we leave the house around 7am most mornings, and get home around 730pm. Sometimes much later, and we can never be sure in advance. It’s a rare weekend where neither of us has to work.

    I’m way more of the likely candidate to lessen the work load once we have kids.  The reverse situation would drive us both nuts, although especially me.

    Already though, I feel guilty.  I spent SO MUCH time and effort to get here. And money.  That is still due.  It seems like such a waste to spend all that time and have such an amazing education to stay at home or go part time.  But honestly, that’s what I’d really rather do.  And Darling Husband would never say it, but I think he’d prefer it as well (he says it’s 100% up to me).

    However, I’m getting to the point where it just seems inevitable.  Not only because it’s what I want and I just don’t see it working otherwise, anyway.  But because I’ve recently seen two other lawyers who have just had kids give up their practice to stay home.  And they were seriously amazing lawyers who were so dedicated to their work.  I’m thinking, if they don’t want to stick around, I’ve got zero chance.

    Post # 9
    7431 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2009

    Fiance is currently looking for a new job with better pay so that I can quit my full time job. I moonlight as a Pampered Chef consultant, so I would continue to do that to pay for my student loans.  We will hopefully open our own business once we have our own place and enough room, which will hopefully be before we start a family of our own.

    Post # 11
    6 posts
    • Wedding: May 2010

    Funnily enough, I might end up having to change careers because of my marriage.

    See, my fiance works for a nonprofit organization, and he’s currently looking for a promotion that will put him somewhere in the United States – we don’t know where, and we don’t know when, although I’m hoping as soon as June.  Wherever he goes, it’s likely to be a small town, and as I’m a civil engineer who works for a municipality, it’s highly unlikely that I’m going to be able to continue on in the career I have now.  I need to find something that’ll be easily-movable, since we’ll probably be moving every 6 years or so. 

    So I’m thinking of going back to school and getting a 2-year degree in the medical field – like a radiology tech or something like that.  Every town has to have a hospital or dentist’s office, and besides, with jobs like that, I could work part-time when I eventually start having children.  I don’t think my mom’s too happy about it though – she pointed out that I’m still paying off the student loan from the two degrees I have now, and oh, what a waste of an education.

    We’ll see though.  No use in worrying about it until I know where we’ll end up and what my job prospects are.  But it is in the back of my mind.

    Post # 12
    180 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2009

    I am really hoping my Fiance gets the next promotion (the highest he would be able to go in his company) so that I can work part time to raise kids. I love my job as a high school teacher, but it is hard to imagine working this job all day and coming home to a baby!

    Post # 13
    1205 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2009

    I voted I WISH …

    But maybe that’s not quite right. Fiance and I met while I was in grad school and he took some of the focus off of that stress for me. I may eventually go back to school for something different, and he does give me emotional support to do what I want in life. Sometimes, though, this comes off as disapproval of the job I’m doing now (currently working below my education & talent level). 

    I don’t think it’s antiprogressive to want to be a mom. Especially with job sharing opportunities or just having had work experience at one point vs. a woman who has no choice but to stay home with the kids, you will be very valuable for your family. 

    Post # 14
    359 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 1969

    I feel like you just put into words how I have been feeling for the past year. Dh is very supportive for me to pursue what I am passionate about. We both currently work in high stress jobs with long hours in the finance industry. Similar to FutureMrsMorgan, Darling Husband LOVES his job and I would like to slow down and stop stressing out so much.

    I, personally with no judgment of others, feel like I’m "giving up" and lots of guilt. I grew up very independent and always wanted to be that career woman breaking glass ceilings left and right. After marriage, I guess I see there’s more to life than just working. I want to have a social life, I want to be home to make dinner. I don’t want the world to view me as just another dumb woman who can’t cut it in the finance field.

    I even took a leave of absense to pursue some hobbies that didn’t pan out. When Mrs. Bee posted an entry looking for an intern, I thought I would be the perfect fit, but I was too scared to make the jump.

    I guess I’m scared I would disappoint my uber-liberal self by wanting to take on such a traditional role. No advice here. Just some empathy….

    Post # 15
    15 posts
    • Wedding: January 2009

    This is such a great post.  It’s been great to hear about other’s situations. 

    My husband is an attorney.  I am a student.  I did a 5-year program to get bachelors and masters degrees.  At the end of my fourth year, I considered just taking my bachelors and running, even though I’d already put a considerable amount of work into graduate classes.  I knew a masters would allow me to get a job with higher pay, but now that husband could support me, I didn’t financially need that.  Also, I had no debt for my four years.  I decided to stick it out and am finishing now, but with tons of debt from this year and nothing more than a well-paying internship to show for it.  Also, I feel like I’m just biding my time until we have kids because both husband and I want me to stay home with th kids.  It’s always been what I wanted to do.  But I had to plan for my own future before I met husband hence all the now seemingly wasted schooling.  

    Oh well, if nothing less, I can work until we do have kids (hopefully not for at least 2 years) so we can pay off more of our student loans and find a house.  That way when the kiddos do come, we’ll be more secure.  Still frustrating though.

    The topic ‘Marriage leading to career change’ is closed to new replies.

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