Post # 1
- Wedding: July 2015 - City Hall!
We had a situation tonight with another couple. They’ve been together and married for 1 1\2 years total. My FI and I have been together for 8 years. (5 solid) and have children. We just got engaged but didn’t necessarily want to get married other than for legal aspects and to change my last name easier.
So anyways, we had a conversation about bills and finances, the couple kept saying “oh you’ll understand when you’re married and more legitimate of a couple”<br /><br />
This irks me. We are clearly a legitimate couple. We have joint accounts, joint bills, cars together. We went through a HUGE tragedy (and still are finishing it with insurance sigh) and have came out a strong couple.
Do people really think this? A marriage certificate makes you an actual couple? How about people who don’t want to get married? Opinions?
Post # 2
HoorayLouLou: That was a douchey thing to say. I don’t think being unmarried makes you less “legit” of a couple compared to two people who are married. But I will say that things just felt ever so slighty different after DH and I got married even though we already lived together and whatnot. I didn’t expect to feel any different, but I did. However, I would never assume to think that would apply to everyone… especially when you have been together for nearly a decade and had children.
Post # 3
Socially? No, it doesn’t make you a “legit” couple. Legally, it does. I didn’t feel or act any different after we got married as opposed to when we were just living together.
Post # 4
I agree with Hyperventilate, in every day life it doesn’t matter one way or another, but legally yes that little piece of paper can do a lot
But I have had unmarried people say to me “when you’ve been together as long as we have” as an excuse for something they do, even though I’ve been in a relationship longer than them. People are dumb.
Post # 5
Maybe they feel the need to “one up you” since time/experience is on your side….
Post # 6
HoorayLouLou: wtf? Wtf???
Seriously. I dont know what else to say. Im sorry i just really hate when people say that.
Marriage (certificate) does not make someone more legitimate! It really is just a piece of paper!!! (But a really powerful paper lol)
Post # 7
No, No, No, No, No!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I’m sorry you even had to hear that. I agree with Gabrielle713 that maybe they feel the need to one up you. Although a piece of paper might make you more legit legally, you’re already operating in a way that any married couple does. I’m not sure I would be able to hear that and not throw a tantrum!
Post # 8
HoorayLouLou: What a bitch move. I would have socked her. Who does she think she is? She is no more married than you are.
I would say this, legally, if you’re married you have more rights (medical, especially, because unless it’s expressly written, you may not be able to make decisions over your partner’s health, should anything happen to him). I know my friend had this issue. She has been with a guy for years, had a child with him, he raised one of hers, but when he got ill, she couldn’t have a say in anything because as the hospital saw it she wasn’t his “wife” at least not in the eyes of the law. his family had power over her, even though she knew his wishes.
Post # 9
That sucks. I know how you feel. i was with my now-husband for 11 years before we got married and we got the same kind of crap (we started dating I was 25 or so). In Canada, where I’m from, once you live together for a year ( it used to be two years) you have the exact same legal rights as a common law couple as you do married so that paper means nothing.
People do make tend to acknowledge you are a couple and legit once married I’ve found. Especially older people or conservative types, I guess. It shouldn’t be the case, but I have found that our relationship suddenly carries more weight now that we are married to others. I don’t agree with it but it feels like it does.
Post # 10
I agree that the other couple’s judgemental attitude was disgusting. But even though unmarried SOs can be functionally the same as spouses, like it or not, many people will see married couples as more committed than similar unmarried couples. Times and beliefs are beginning to change, but people still give marriage more weight overall. Marriage is a huge public and legal committment, but that’s not to say that all spouses are automatically more important or “better” than their unmarried counterparts. DBF and I have mused that we are a stronger couple than those found in many marriages, and we neither live together nor are an engaged couple.
Despite that, I believe that deciding to become a parent supercedes marriage in the committment department. That is why I find it extremely important to have children with someone who will be committed to the child, but that’s another story.
Post # 11
This exact thing has happened to me as well. “You’ll understand when you’re married”, when we have also been together 8 years, and they have only been together 1-2 years. FI and I have been living together longer than they have been married, we have joint bank accounts, a car and apartment in both of our names, and really…the ONLY difference is a piece of paper. <br /><br />I believe that growing together with someone, facing challenges together and having life experiences together is what makes your relationship stronger, and helps you to be closer and know that other person better. That is what makes your relationship more serious. Yes, marriage is a huge commitment, but quite honestly, it’s something that any two people can do. <br /><br />Staying together as long as you have, and sharing the experiences that you have….that is true commitment. At the end of the day, as beautiful as marriage can be, a piece of paper isn’t going to change anything – a couple’s commitment is based on their experiences, not their marriage license.
Post # 12
Someone said something similar to me before I was married. At that point, my husband (then fiancé) and I had been together for more than 6 years while cohabitating with merged finances. The “friend” and her husband were recently married after having just met a little over a year before. I actually laughed in her face. She may have had the piece of paper but I put in the time and if anyone thought that her relationship was more legitimate than mine just because she rushed down the aisle then they’re crazy.
Legally speaking, being married certainly helps but I know several unmarride couples in long term relationships that are just as committed to each other as my husband and I are.
Post # 13
Well my marriage technically isn’t legal in my state or valid in a lot of people’s eyes. Is my relationship less committed or legit? Nope nope nope! We have been together for years, have a joint account, own a house together, cars, ect. Plus we love each other very much. Seems pretty legit to me. We just have to take extra legal actions to make sure that the other is protected….Since we don’t have all of the same rights as couples with a marriage liscense recognizable in their home state.
Post # 14
- Wedding: March 2016 - Whitetail Ridge
From a legal standpoint? Definitely.
From a social standpoint? Probably. Like it or not, marriage does show a bigger committment than years together or living together. Living together can be (*not saying it is in this case, just in some*) used as a cop out to avoid getting married because not much would change in that sense.
Post # 15
While her attitude and phrasing is completely out of line, the truth is in a legal sense youre either single or married, and I do think it is a big deal to publically commit and get all that stuff on paper.
But to say a couple with all those years, kids, etc is not “legit” is just rude petty bs.