(Closed) Marriage life after the wedding

posted 9 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
1145 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2000

I’ve heard in a recent study, they found the divorce rate goes down (to 20%) tremendously with a premarital counseling class. Local churches/pastors offer these types of  support.

Also http://www.thenest.com gives you a perspective of married life, similar to weddingbee style online.

I’ll be reading this board though for Bee’s input!

Post # 5
Member
2000 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

I’ve only been married for a month, but I can say that I love it sooo much more than dating or being engaged. I struggled a lot before hand with whether or not we were doing the right thing by getting married, but I have had no second thoughts since! We’re both happy, for the moment, and though I know it won’t always be this carefree and easy, I’m enjoying it while it lasts!

Post # 6
Member
445 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2007

I’ve been married for almost 2 years, and I’m still loving it! My husband and I did NOT live together before we were married, so that’s my favorite part about it. We’re still as happy as ever, and we’re currently looking for a new house, so a lot of exciting stuff!

Post # 7
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Interesting to see what everyone says. I’m not really capable of commenting as life hasn’t changed a stitch since the wedding.

I knew a friend who got married though, and everything was fine and dandy until they hit the 8 month mark in their marriage. She said the first year was soooo hard! I’m not worried about it. I knew my husband almost 4 times as long as she did, and I think that was a big factor, not the marriage. She said she was suddenly learning all these weird things about him and his personality that she never knew before because the time between dating+marriage were just amazing.

Post # 8
Member
453 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I sat here and debated about commenting on this thread, but then decided to do so-married life. Hummm….I was married for ten years (after being together, promised & engaged for six years before getting married). (Edit post here-we were actively involved in church during the time we were dating and did have pre-marital counseling, engagement encounter, had “the talks”-sex, finances, religion, kids, etc.)The first year can be delightful-setting up house (even if you’ve lived together, you still have all of those delightful wedding presents to open!), settling into a routine that does not include wedding talk/planning for the first time in months, waking up in the same bed after falling asleep together every night, sex when you pretty much want to, developing friendships with other married couples-it’s an incredibly fun time in your life. If you are religious and active in a church together-attending Sunday school and other functions together, as well as worshiping as a couple brings you to a whole  other level in your faith.

That being said-the first year can also be difficult-getting used to sharing EVERYTHING with someone else (especially if you haven’t been living together) is tough-bathroom, TV remote, chores, etc.-all take negotiating and working it out.

My best advice is to remember to keep your manners and be polite and courteous to each other, even when things become familiar, you must continue to “date” your spouse, remember each other on a daily basis-your spouse is seeking affirmation and validation in your eyes-just as you do in theirs. Be gracious, be thankful-and remember that you are still a “lady”. Okay, you may scoff and laugh and be thinking “what in the world is she talking about”-for example-you know everything about each other and have zero boundaries-but some things-such as personal hygeine…he knows I use tampons, just because we are now husband and wife does he really need to see me use them?! NOPE! Don’t let your husband see you naked ALL the time-sometimes a little bit of mystery is valuable and keeps the fire stoked. Your marriage is like a growing plant and you MUST feed it to keep it alive and healthy. Remember that you will go thru tough stuff-keep communicating, assume nothing, talk to each other , laugh and play together…be each other’s best friend. You have to compromise-don’t let sex fall by the way side as you become more busy (especially as children arrive on the scene) make appointments for sex and keep those dates-work together to keep the physical part of your relationship healthy-you will need all of those hugs and kisses to get you thru the darker moments-get up earlier than you really want to, or stay up later than you need to sometimes to be on your spouses schedule (him too) to share some sweet moments in the morning and a cup of coffee or an “extra special” snuggle before going to sleep.

I know I’ve rambled on and on…as an encore bride, I feel that my Fiance and I are going into this second marriage with a very clear idea of what it takes to keep it healthy. Congratulations and best wishes!

Post # 9
Member
390 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I have been married about a month and a half and love it!   We didn’t live together before the wedding, but we dated for 7 1/2 years and have known each other since we were in third grade.  It seems so natural and I’m so happy with my life right now!

Post # 10
Member
5399 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’ve been married for almost a year now.  For us it’s actually been an awesome and fast year, we both say the fastest year of our lives!  Total we’ve been together for about 6.5 years, so I wonder if that is counted in those types of studies or if they just look at the number of married years?

Post # 11
Member
51 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

Liztwinz – That was quite possibly the most sage married advice I have read in a long, long time. Thank you for deciding to post it. 

Post # 12
Member
453 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Most sage? How so?! 🙂

Post # 13
Member
1246 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Most couples who divorce will do it around 6-7 years of marriage (when kids are young, or when deciding whether or not to have kids) or 20-22 years of marriage (when the kids leave the house). I think a lot of it has to do with those big family transitions and having to readjust to each others’ new roles.

Post # 15
Member
51 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

<span style=”font-family: tahoma; font-size: 13px;”>liztwinz – Don’t be so humble. 😉 It’s because of the little stuff — dating, keeping some mystery, and let’s not forget, you’ve actually been married before, and therefore, know what you are talking about! You always learn something from your experiences and others.

Post # 16
Member
452 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

well, you have to take staistics with a grain of salt…in all fairness. i mean, they say that the divorce rate is 50%+ now, but in reality, only 20-30% of 1st time marriages end in divorce and the rates get higher for 2nd, 3rd timers, etc. which brings the #’s to 50%+.

i’m not married yet, but we have lived together for a few years and have been together for quite a few more. i’m a firm believer in taking full responsibilty for your own life and your own feelings. we are all human and have our own issues to deal with. it’s been proven time and again that money doesn’t bring happiness, and neither does being pretty, or having a nice house, etc. i think it’s a matter of how we choose to live, and we all have that choice.

sure, living in the U.S., i’m very grateful for a lot of opportunities and privleges that i may not have elsewhere, but i’ve trekked the globe and have seen people that are truly happy and feel blessed even though they were living in a hut with no electricity or available water within close proximity. and those who were unhappy even though they had all the money in the world and no responsibility. these are all their choices.

throughout the years, Fiance and i have had to tackle lots of relationship issues that are pretty common. we’ve managed to work through it all and know that going forward, there is more work to be done. everything that’s well worth it in the end requires hard work…it doesn’t mean you have to be unhappy or unsatisfied. i know that Oprah has and continues to work her but off doing what she does, but she has a love for it and her business only continues to prosper.

after the wedding, we will go on a world tour for a year or two and i know that will pose other challenges for us, but we look forward to working towards building our relationship as strong as possible and continue to nurture our love.

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