- 10 years ago
Hi bees! This may be a little long, but I could really use your advice.
A little backstory: My SO and I have come to the mutual (and happy!) decision that we want to be married no later than summer of 2012, so a proposal has been in the works for a while. He is in the process of getting all his ducks in a row for a ring and all that jazz. If timing works in our favor, we will be engaged within the next 4-9 months.
When I first began dating my SO, I was months away from making a big move from Northern California to Austin, Texas. It was a move I was supposed to make the previous year, but postponed after my Dad had a massive heart attack. Around the time my moving deadline was approaching, my boyfriend declared he was ready to make the move out of state with me to a city he had never visited. However, he had just gotten a new job with higher pay and really wanted to put in his time. He loved his new job, had a lot of learning opportunities, and felt like it was a great resume builder, so I decided I would encourage him to finish out the year there and we would move in together in our current city. I was a little bummed about postponing the move to my beloved city of Austin, but I loved him more.
With me being a teacher, and him being a pharmacy technician, we have a moderate combined salary. Buying a home in our expensive beach town with enough bedrooms for a family just isn’t the most realistic thing in the world. I grew up and went to college in Northern California, and while it’s an amazing area, I am really ready for a change. There are more jobs in the special education field in Austin, it’s cheaper to live there, and I have had my heart set on attending graduate school at the University of Texas ever since I completed my undergraduate career. My SO currently has his Associates degree and Pharmacy Tech license, and has been toying with the idea of returning to school for his BA.
Last night, he returned home to tell me that a coach of a UC rugby team had recognized and approached him, and has seen him play (he plays on a local club team), and asked him if he was thinking about applying to transfer to a four year university. The coach told him that if he did, he would love to have him on the team. My SO is obsessed with rugby and was really flattered – so much so that I know he wants to consider it. When I mentioned our plans to move to Austin early next year, he said something along the lines that we would be moving to pursue my dreams, and that he would be sad to give up a set opportunity to go back to school and play his sport. I tired to tell him that he could go back to school in Texas, and he agreed, but is worried of the possibility of not getting in, or being unable to play rugby for them.
I really want to be supportive, especially because this is the man I love more than anything and am going to marry, but the thought of remaining here for another couple more years doesn’t make me very happy. I don’t want to say anything that sounds selfish or mean spirited, but I am a little irked that he’s throwing this issue on the table when I thought we had a set plan. I want to compromise, but inside, I know I just want to be stubborn. I’m not sure how to proceed with this discussion – any thoughts?