(Closed) Marriage or career?

posted 7 years ago in Career
  • poll: What would you focus on first?

    My career

    Marriage

  • Post # 32
    Member
    9680 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

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    @OnceUponATime:  That’s true. I do understand there are meaningful jobs but they are still jobs. My own personal family means more to me. I can’t fathom a job coming before them. There are things I would do whether I was getting paid or not, such as work with animals. I enjoy my volunteer work with dogs and that adds value to my life in a way that my job never would.

    However, I work for money so I might as well make the most I can. I volunteer with causes through work and I do enjoy what I do. My husband still means so much more though.

    Post # 33
    Member
    576 posts
    Busy bee

    Idk why women are so subject to these internal questions constitently. Well actually I do know, it’d just take up too much space/time for me to vent about it again. Lol. 

    Men never struggle with this, a choice between a career and family. A woman never should either. Do what you and your partner want to create the type of lifestyle you desire as a family. Of course try to live prepared, its good to stay active or at least financially involved. At the end of the day you are responsible for your own happiness and choices, no one else. So choose for yourself. Not society, not family, not friends, not for anyone’s approval.

    Post # 34
    Member
    239 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

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    @Syzygy88:  agree with you completely!

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    @Kimberley25:  self-sufficiency is so important! Good for you 🙂 

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    @iloverocks:  thats my motto!

    Post # 35
    Member
    5870 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2013

    Many people want this.  Feminism is about choices, not about all women being required to go out and take over the domain that was traditionally for men.

    There is nothing wrong with your desire. 

    Post # 36
    Member
    3461 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    Family first than career. I do want to make a difference though so obvioulsy the career I choose is important to me. I agree with

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    @MrsPanda99:  though, your family will be there with you always, your career will not.

    Post # 37
    Member
    463 posts
    Helper bee

    My perspective on this is completely different.

    The cruel truth is that meeting the right person to marry has a lot to do with luck. Some people are lucky enough to find true love early and keep it for life, others don’t find it until late in life, others have their true love die early, and some never find the right person at all. There’s no way I would have made a life plan around a hypothetical husband.

    However, that’s no excuse to put your career before everything else. I love my career and I have a super one, but ultimately it’s a means to an end. The folks I know who are happiest in their careers are using their jobs to make a difference in the world, and that’s valuable whether it’s part of your career or not.

    My focus is on stuff like virtue, excellence, wisdom, and wonder. Stuff that doesn’t depend on other people or things. Stuff I can use to make the world a better place. Marriage and career can both contribute to that, but neither of them is an end in itself.

    Post # 38
    Member
    486 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    SAHW/SAHM for me. If I can’t trust my husband to take care of me, and vice versa, why would I marry him?

     

    He has a good job and we are comfortable, and we are both happy, which is the most important thing to us. So when people tell me I’m a fool for it, I don’t even consider it. It’s a personal choice that is strictly me, and my FIs, business and the decision stays between us. 

     

    But it I totally get that whole people think you’re nuts/uneducated/foolish thing. Who cares? Let them love their lives, you love your life, and leave it at that. 

    Post # 39
    Member
    511 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    I have focused on my career more than relationships. I needepd to know who I was as an adult and that I could be totally independent before I could be interdependant with another person.  Now that I feel “successful” career wise, I am able to focus on my relationship.  My marriage will always be more important than my career but my career was more important first, if that makes any sense at all. 

    Post # 40
    Member
    3051 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2015

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    @KatB442:  I like this answer. This is what one of my closest friends is doing too

     

    I’ve never really had a career path. At 24, I still don’t know what it is I WANT to do career wise, I have a short term goal & a plan to plan from there. I also don’t want kids. My SO & our dog, that’s our family. My career and family are equal. I’m not driven to be a CEO or anything, I just want to make enough to live decently and enjoy what I’m doing. My SO comes first I guess because if something happened where I had to choose, I would certainly choose my SO but it would take a drastic measure to force us into that decision.

    Marriage itself was always a fantasy of mine but IRL, it’s whatever. I could take it or leave it most days. I did put my degree before marriage for whatever it’s worth

    Post # 41
    Member
    509 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    I don’t vote for either option because I reject the premise that career and family are something you have to choose between. There’s no reason I can’t be focused on my career and still have a happy family life. No one expects a man to make that choice so why should I?

    Of course it’s possible to put TOO much focus on your career and end up completely neglecting your family. It’s also possible to be so focused on your home life that you neglect your work responsibilities. Both are bad. I believe in finding balance and anyone who chooses only one and abandons the other is probably going to have some regrets down the road. 

    Post # 42
    Member
    3370 posts
    Sugar bee

    @skinnypinkmartini:  This is what really bothers me about society today. The fight was to gain a woman’s right to choose! Not to force her into yet another mold. Anyone (and especially any woman) who puts you down for your choice to be a wife and mother without a career is effectually spitting in the faces of all those pioneer women who fought so hard to gain us the rights we deserve. Just plain makes me mad. It’s your life, it’s your choice. Do what makes you happy and fuck everybody else’s opinions.

    Post # 43
    Member
    3277 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    People do what works for them. It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks of your life, as long as YOU are happy with your choices and you aren’t hurting anyone.

    When I wasn’t working, I felt depressed and useless. It wasn’t until I went back to school and began working in a career that I felt happier. My husband also doesn’t want a Stay-At-Home Wife and we are not having children, so we both agree that I need to work. 

    I just like the freedom and independence of having my own money. Even though my husband is generous, I still like having my own income. 

     

    Post # 44
    Member
    523 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    Family/marriage first. I make good money, and graduated magna cum laude from my Bachelor’s. However, we both can’t wait for the day where he makes a good enough salary that I can quit and raise children. People always ask why I bothered with a degree if my only goal is to stay at home- I want my children to aspire to education, and I want to be able to support my family should something ever happen to my husband and he cannot provide income. I would really be devestated if I had to work the rest of my life

    Post # 45
    Member
    2481 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I don’t know if my vote counts tho 

    I was raised a Mormon Utah so im

    a little brain washed

    Post # 46
    Member
    1953 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I could never completely give up a job. As much as I say I would do it, I’m not sure I could. If my husband made enough to support me and two kids, I’d cut my work hours down to 4-6 a week. Marriage is more important to me than a job so if I thought my career was affecting my marriage at all I would leave it behind.

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