(Closed) Marriage over. It’s the right thing but I’m still upset.

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
81 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

I’m so sorry to hear that you are going through this. Unfortunately, I don’t have any advice on coping. However, I want you to know that men and women cope with break ups very differently. He may seem like he is going on with life just fine, but men internalize their emotional turbulence. He may seem fine for weeks before he visably breaks down. And he may never visably break down at all – he may just keep it inside. Process the loss of your relationship however is best for you – and try your best not to think about him being fine. Maybe he is acting so your daughter doesn’t get upset. Just do your best to cope and get back into the swing of things. Be strong!

Post # 3
6527 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

marryinginmalta:  I am so sorry you are going through this. You just have to go through the motions, its a grieving process. 

I would be hurt too to see someone I care about move on from a relationship like it was nothing. I went through this with a friendship that has ended. It sucks. I am still mourning over it, but over time it has gotten easier. THe only time it hurts is when I see something that reminds me of her.  

You are still living with him so that will make it more difficult to get over-do you plan to still live together or willl one of you move out? Living together will not make moving on from this any easier. As time goes on, things will get easier, but right now, it won’t bc you are seeing him everyday. 

Again, I am sorry you are going through this. 

Post # 4
9641 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

Step one is to separate.  Are you & your daughter going to stay in the house?  You’ll never be able to move on while you’re living together.  Have you spoken to an attorney?  I think you need to be sure you & your daughter are protected from this guy.

Have you considered counseling?  Once you aren’t living under the same roof, I’d suggest limiting contact with him to essential discussions about your daughter only.

Post # 5
1164 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

marryinginmalta:  It sounds like he has done this before. The reason he probably isn’t upset is because he thinks he can take you back any time he pleases.

If I were you, I wouldn’t put up with his crap anymore. When he comes crawling back (like he probably will), and you turn him down instead of welcoming him with open arms, then you’ll see him realize the true consequences of his actions.

Post # 6
2024 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2016


marryinginmalta:  Move out. Only communicate with him about your daughter and only when necessary. He shouldn’t get to witness your hurt, he doesn’t get that side of you anymore. This will help you focus on you and moving forward and it keeps your daughters Father in her life with causing you unncessary strain. Your situation sucks and having him being around and cheery won’t help you at all.

Post # 7
768 posts
Busy bee

I am so sorry to hear about this 🙁 

As PPs hae said, moving out (or him doing so) would be the first step. It will be much easier when you do not see him every-day and you will be less tempted to ask him to work on the relationship again or get upset whenever you see him. Next, allow yourself time and patience to get over this. It won’t be easy, but it will get better in time.

Sending you positive vibes ***hugs***

Post # 8
80 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

What a sad situation and I’m sorry. The only advice I can give is to be strong and to be the best person you can be. Take it on as a challenge like you’re an actress rehearsing her role. Shine as bright as you can, look happy, busy and fulfilled. He will see the change in you and question his stupidity but the bonus is that you will heal faster for yourself.

Post # 9
242 posts
Helper bee

So sorry to read this. What an awful thing to happen to you. I hope you find the strength you need to get through this tough time!! hugs to you.

Post # 10
2879 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

marryinginmalta: by realizing you deserve better and more. 

harsh, but it seems that he was just not that into you. People don’t walk out on their life partners unless they know that they can live without them.

Then you stayed friends. Friends who got pregnant together. Power to you, but he’s probably not going to treat you like you deserve if you are a friend. 

A friend who he then married. He hasnt seemed upstanding so far, so there’s no reason to think he will suddenly feel life partner love vs friend love. So it seems like he can move on bc he was never invested.

This is 100% not your fault but a very unfortunate circumstance. understanding why this happened is the key to preventing it from happening again. 

You deserve better and more. Better and more. 

Post # 12
12101 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

marryinginmalta:  I’m so sorry you’re going through this!

Being in the same house after a break up is brutal. I agree with PP that he’s not emotional because I’m sorry to say, you are so kind and sweet that you are catering to his every whim. The deal is that living in the same house isn’t good for you, or your daughter, if you all are not together. The strain will be felt by her. The only person this is working for is Mr have his cake and eat it too. 

He doesn’t get everything his way. Part of being a grown up and a parent is putting the child first and  hes not doing that. He’s putting himself first. 

I know this is painful, but it’s time to out your little girls needs for stability and honesty first. He will have to find a way to deal with his choice to separate. He really sounds selfish, I’m sorry to say. 


Good luck, bee, it gets better.

Post # 14
3281 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010


*hug* Just learn from this situation and be tender with yourself right now. 


Moving out and going no contact would help you a great deal. 

You and your ex do not need to speak unless it pertains to your daughter.

He may try to get back with you again but don’t give him that chance. 

Post # 15
3104 posts
Sugar bee

marryinginmalta:  I swear I have walked in your shoes.  The first thing you should do is to have a total separation…someone needs to work on finding somewhere else to live. You cannot heal properly being in the same house. Plus, you don’t want him to think he can ‘drop’ you and yet have all the benefits of you being there…no bueno.

Secondly, he sounds manipulative.  But, this is something you only get over with time and boundaries. Do not let him suck you back in. I always say that people rarely change.  Let it be all about your daughter…cut out the heartfelt emotional conversations. Fake it till you make it in letting him go.  He feels you will always be available and always there.  Do not focus on his reactions. It doesn’t matter at this point. Get out of his head and stay in yours. Girl, I can write a novel. It WILL get better (and I was pregnant WITH a 6 month old when I left).

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