Post # 1
Did you and your partner read any books or attend any workshops to prepare yourselves for marriage? If so what and how helpful was it?
In full disclosure I ask because I have studied human relationships and communication extensively, and just got married. As a child of divorced parents (multiple times over) I’m curious what makes a marriage really work. I know there aren’t any true and fast answers, but I really want my marriage to work. His parents are married and for him it’s as easy as, “we’ll be together forever”. I read the book Committed and we’ve ordered the Gottman Institute’s 7 Principles for Making Your Marriage Work. I saw Dr’s. John and Julie Gottman at a seminar in LA years ago and was blown away by them then. I’m really looking forward to sharing with Darling Husband as well, but I’m also struggling with creating a problem where no problem lies currently. Like how much thinking about our marriage being strong and successful is healthy, and how much is pathological 🙂
Post # 3
lol – I’ve read no books, but can tell you that your marriage will work as long as you work on your marraige. 🙂
Books can give you generalizations, just like posts on the Bee or any other outside source, but only you and your H can tell if you are communicating effectively. Does your H know how you worry about the demons of your parents’ marriage effecting yours? It’d be pretty hard for someone from a non-broken home to understand the fears of someone with (multiple) divorced parents. Even if your parents were the most awesome ever and never subjected you to any kind of abuse, there is still a lack of security that kids from broken homes feel that kids from ‘whole’ homes can’t comprehend.
I think you might just have some low-level anxiety about it, and I think you might share with him how nervous your parents’ failures make you feel, and tell him that you want to do eveything you can to make sure you guys don’t face divorce. And, if he tells you one thing to help avoid divorce is to stop worrying about divirce, listen to him 🙂