Marriage problems after newborn

posted 10 months ago in Married Life
Post # 17
911 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

I am so sorry you’re going through this.  Know that you are not alone!  My husband and I never struggled before, and didn’t really understand why people said marriage took work.  Pre-kid, there were very few issues we needed to work out.  Post-kid was another story.  We have had to work HARD to stay on the same page with each other.  Things were harder in the first 10 months or so after baby was born (while I was still breastfeeding – I think those two things were related for me).

Through a LOT of work, talk, hard conversations, we have gotten so much better at communicating.  Things do get better over time (you get more sleep, hormones regulate, you start worrying less about your kid), but I don’t think time is enough.  I also don’t think enough people talk about this.  It’s better to address the cracks at the first sign rather than hoping they go away.  I find this time to be critical in making sure we are a true partnership.

Really, before having a kid, we were good together because we didn’t really rely on each other much, so we could be these little self-sufficient orbits kind of overlapping but never needing each other.  After having a baby, we are now one solar system and every action of one directly impacts the other.  It has taken awhile for us to get comfortable with those new roles, to move away from resentment and score keeping, and to communicate in a way that enforces we are on the same team.

All I can tell you is that you are not alone, that this time does pass, that it’s worth it to put in the work now, especially if you think you have something good to salvage, and that it’s very, very hard but worth it.  

Post # 19
10355 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

Just coming in with a virtual hug bee

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