Post # 1
Been married almost 7 years. Been through a whole lot. My main thing right now is my husband will not stop using dating sites. Has been doing this our entire marriage. He will chat, get numbers and register as single, divorced or separated. Get pictures, even naked ones. Mostly does it while I’m at work, but I’ve known him to say when I go to bed prior to him. He knows it hurts me. Ive mentioned it sev times during the 7 yrs. He will say hits just for friends,etc and that he doesn’t act on anything. A bunch of sex talk to o. I don’t get it, cause I don’t do this. Not sure when is good time to just give up. I love him, but feel guilty even saying anything. There are other issues as well.
Post # 2
sunnydawn : I know it’s hard to let go, but this guy clearly has zero respect for you. And the longer you stay with him, the more self-respect you’ll lose everyday.
No one goes on dating sites for friends.
Post # 3
sunnydawn : He’s been cheating on you your entire marriage. You do not need this.
Post # 4
I don’t think the question is “when is good time to just give up” but rather when is a good time to realize that you’re not happy in this situation and you deserve so much more – I think you’re pass that point.
What’s making you stay in the marriage?
Post # 5
Well, I can’t tell you how to label this but, for most, it would fall under infidelity. Infidelity can be emotional and physical. Just because this hasn’t gone fully physical (that you know of) doesn’t make it less of cheating.
I would not stay in this marriage. What he is doing and justifying is disgusting and you deserve better.
Making profiles on dating sites, listing himself with false information to appear available, and partaking in sexual/intimate discourse/exchanges is not “making friends”. Please stop selling yourself short on this…demand better for yourself and for a partner.
Post # 6
No one is on dating sites to make friends. He’s disrespecting you and your marriage. He is deliberately hurting you and you deserve better. There doesn’t have to be other issues for this to be a deal breaker.
Post # 7
totallyabee : We were in a really bad car wreck a little over a year ago. He was ejected from car, should’ve been killed. He had brain injury which is better, 4 broken bones, 2 surgeries since one of which was C3 fusion. I have lot of guilt for even thinking of leaving. He is better though
Post # 8
sunnydawn : you don’t get it because you don’t do it – that honestly makes it seem like a hobby for him. Maybe it is. However, the reason you don’t get it is because you obviously have a greater respect for your husband than he has for you.
If it’s just for friends – there wouldn’t be any nude photos and he wouldn’t feel the need to list himself as single, divorced or separated. There are many places to make friends that aren’t dating sites and where you can be open about your marriage. I’m sorry Bee but he’s cheating on you and had been cheating on you for your whole marriage. Also when you catch him he comes up with lame excuses and then continues in his activity.
Sorry Bee, I know you’re hurting but you deserve better.
Post # 9
So… he has no respect for you and has been cheating on you your entire marriage and you’d feel bad leaving him? I don’t normally recommend therapy, but…i think you need it to help you determine your self worth. I don’t know you but I know you deserve better!
Post # 10
sunnydawn : This may sound cold, but if your husband is recovered enough from past injuries to be back at his dating sites fuckery, you shouldn’t feel any guilt leaving him. He clearly has no intention of changing or considering your feelings or respecting your relationship- and his ‘on there for a friend’ is so lame he’s insulting your intelligence by expecting you to believe such ridiculousness.
Post # 11
sunnydawn : his physical needs are not more important than your emotional needs. His injuries are not more important than you getting hurt by his behavior.
If he is okay with hurting you – you shouldn’t be there with him supporting him and letting yourself get hurt. Please be selfish here and just think about your needs – no one else will do it for you.
Post # 12
sunnydawn : He has a problem (period). He is disrespecting you by lying about his marital status and by talking to other women about sex. Rather it is just talk or not, he is setting himself up for things to escalate.
I am not one to tell someone to get a divorce, I think divorce is painful. BUT I am not one to encourage someone to stay in an unhealthy marriage. This has to be complete hell for you.
As far as the accident, apparently being “ejected from car, should’ve been killed” didn’t stop him from his addiction. At this point you have to do what is best for you.
If you stay with him, do not expect him to change. This is “who” he is, either put up with it or leave this marriage. IMO, everyone deserves someone who will respect and love them.
Post # 13
Is it possible for you to see a therapist? Not couples therapy — just you. You need to find a way to confront and work through the feelings of guilt you have. He has been taking advantage of you your entire marriage. The time to leave is ASAP, and it will continue to be. Every single comment on this thread will tell you that, and I truly hope you listen. But I think whether or not you actually leave him, you need to find a therapist. It will help you so much with abandoning those feelings of guilt, and learning to prioritize your own needs.
You have one life, Bee. Please don’t waste the rest of it on a man who has been cheating on you for years. You matter.
Post # 14
“He will chat, get numbers and register as single, divorced or separated.”
Why don’t you do him a favor and make this a reality, so he wouldn’t be lying to these new “friends” that he’s making? A lie is no way to start a friendship!
As a PP said he’s obviously recovered enough to still have the energy to troll dating sites on top of everything else he has to do. And if he doesn’t do anything else, then, well…..
Leave and don’t look back.
Post # 15
definitely, definitely file for divorce asap.