(Closed) Marriage Talk!

posted 4 years ago in Married Life
Post # 2
2574 posts
Sugar bee

I am sorry you are in this situation it sounds like you have put forth a lot of effort that is not reciprocated. I know you r not going to like this answer but is it possible that your relationship has run it’s course?

Seems to me that both people have to be putting in an effort to make it work and your SO has no interest in doing so. Relationships are supposed to be a a positive in your life not a negative. I am not saying everyday is roses but there should be more good days than bad.

Is he open to talking to someone with you or alone? If so that might be a good idea to get someone elses take on things.

If you have lost what makes your relationship work the only thing that is going to change that is for both partners to want it to change. If you feel like you have done all that you can do and he hasn’t changed I honestly would let this go and try to move forward.

Post # 3
297 posts
Helper bee

you’ve started sleeping in the spare room? …..he should have begged and tried dragging you back into the bedroom on night#1 you tried sleeping in the spare room ๐Ÿ™ I’d say he’s checked out of the relationship and stays b/c it’s easy and comfortable.

My advice is to move out and focus on your life. Time and space between you so he can figure out what the hell he wants. If he wants you he’ll come and make grand gestures to win you back, otherwise you are far better without him! Hopefully you’ll find a man who does enjoy showing you the affection you need, you don’t have to settle in life. Your boyfriend can either step it up or step aside.

Post # 5
6005 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

Nikkimcq:  I would definitely suggest counseling for both of you. You can’t force him to talk to you if he doesn’t want to. A counselor can find the right words to try to bring you 2 together. Sleeping in another room seems kind of childish, though. And you will never, ever get that spark back. That’s only in the beginning.

Post # 8
2574 posts
Sugar bee


Nikkimcq:  I think you know deep down if this is going to be able to work out. I know what it is like to try and try and get nothing in return. I don’t believe you are giving up I think you are being realistic about your situation. Below is a quote that kind of applies here

 “the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result”

You can bang your head against the wall over and over again ( not literal of course) but if he is not going to change it’s all for nothing.

Don’t you want to spend your energy working towards someone who wants you just as much back?

Post # 10
71 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Nikkimcq:  Have either of you ever read The Five Love Languages? When my fiance and I were in a rut, we read the book and discussed our findings about what our separate love languages are. 

It turns out we were just ineffectively communicating with one another. Does he do other things like help you around the house?

Suggest that you both read the book and discuss it together. Perhaps the way in which he is showing you love is not the way that you would interpret it as a loving act.

Post # 11
2574 posts
Sugar bee

Nikkimcq:  no problem I would want someone to tell me the same thing. I wish you all the luck ๐Ÿ™‚


I think you deserve someone who thinks you are worth the world and hope one day you find him.

Post # 14
1081 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014


Sometimes it takes huge smack to wake things up. My best friend hubby been ignoring her effort given she is every man dream. She is the eye candy on the road, just the best wife you can find out there but her husband been neglect her effort… 


long story short, my best friend finally had it and decided to give him the seperation form… then he finally realize she will walk out one day.  … he still didn’t get it when she show him the form until he accused her being the bad mom (which she is not… ) … she had it and told her she is ready to leave..


the past month, he tried so hard to win her back… being so romantic, try to be so considerate.. etc etc.. but it’s too late


I’m not saying that you have to be this extreme. What I’m trying to say is… just take a step back and re-assess your life.  Prioritize what’s important to you, get your life back and then, hopefully you will be happier and your husband will realize what he is missing out 

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