(Closed) Marriage then Babies or Babies, Marriage and then a few more Babies

posted 6 years ago in Parenting
Post # 3
5 posts
  • Wedding: July 2012

My fiance & I didn’t plan our little bundle, but he is the best thing in our little world. But I completely agree with you. Wait. And my fiance would completely agree with yours. I don’t think that men understand what a marriage means to a woman. But definately wait if you can. I hate that I don’t have the same last name as my son. We’re getting married on the beach in July… all I can imagine is my son thinking “big bath” and trying to run in as we are saying our vows. But, it would be a good story to make it memorable right? lol Good luck to you.

Post # 4
1830 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Definitely NOT selfish!  First of all, you’re only 22 – it’s not like if you don’t have kids now, you’re risking your fertility.  You’re still young and it’s fair enough if you want some time to still live your life before bringing a child into it.   Also, your Fiance is only 29 – it’s not like he’s 58 and his sperm quality is diminishing with each passing day. 

Secondly, there is nothing wrong with sticking to your convictions and wanting to wait until after marriage before you have children.  Getting married first is important to you, and the fact that you want to build up a solid relationship foundation before bringing children into your family makes it more likely that your marriage will succeed.  Not to say this can’t happen with people who have kids before marriage, because of course it can, but if you feel that you want that permanence of marriage before having kids, don’t let your Fiance talk you out of it.  

Your Fiance definitely shouldn’t be pressuring you into having kids – sit down with him, list out the reasons you want to wait until after marriage, and discuss why that is important to you.  Ultimately, it’s your body and your choice – if you don’t want kids yet, get yourself on birth control until you are good and ready to start a family.  

Good luck!

Post # 7
607 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I agree with you– what’s the rush, and if you aren’t ready to make the committment to get married, why would you be ready to make the BIGGER committment to have kids? This is NOT to say it can’t work the other way and obviously plenty of people have done it and been fine, but I just don’t see why in your situation you would. Like others said, it’s not like you are in a rush biologically speaking, and it will be a lot harder to plan a wedding with a kid. 


Post # 8
7409 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

While having a child out of wedlock is certainly not anything to be ashamed of, I would not plan it that way on purpose.

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