Marriage was a terrible idea

posted 11 months ago in Emotional
Post # 16
Member
5307 posts
Bee Keeper

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@jellybellynelly:  Oh I’m quite sure that in this case religion has taken a bad situation and made it even worse. 

Post # 17
Member
1991 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

I’ve gotta agree with the pp’s OP.  You need to OWN your active part in your misery.  You are not a slave or being held against your will.  You are being waaay too passive when you’ve had the power to change things all along.  While I empathize with what you’re going through, feeling sorry for yourself does nothing for you.  It does not change your situation nor makes you happy. Sooo bee…..the pity party stops.   What you need to do now is get off your ass and take one small step towards the person you want to be.  Oh She’s there.  You’ve just hidden her because you’re too scared to let her be free.

You need therapy asap sis.  Like pp said if you can afford $1700 car insurance (and yes its common in the U.S. albeit on the high end)  You can afford therapy sessions.  One is a waaaay better investment than the other.  Please invest in yourself bee.

 

Post # 19
Member
224 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

I haven’t seen an update from you like I was hoping to on page 2.  However, I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone in your situation.  The first time I was married, I married my abusive boyfriend because he thought it made sense to do the court house service and told me we could do the actual wedding later…. Later never happened.  5 years later and years of escalating emotional and physical abuse I left.  That was 10 years ago, at 26 years old.  I am now 36 and married to an incredible man, one that drives me insane, yet one I would never try and change. 

GET OUT OF THAT HOUSE AND MARRIAGE!

You are not too old. I was 31 when I met my husband.

He sounds very manipulative and not mature enough to be a husband.  Without an update or additional info.  At the very least, he is emotional abusive. 

Do you have employment now?  If so, many employers offer a service where you can receive a few mental health counseling sessions for free.  If you can, use them! 

A person needs to love themselves before they can love anyone else fully.  I used to depend on my abusive ex-husband to make me feel loved.  It wasn’t his responsibility.  After the divorce I jumped into another toxic relationship, when that one ended I had to force myself to be alone.  The goal was just until I was happy doing things I loved without a relationship.  That actually lasted over 3 years.  It was hard for me to not be the single friend in the group when I finally met my husband.  Trust me.  You can get there too!  I am not a unicorn.

Post # 19
Member
1215 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

You wrote “I’m 28 and feel like no one will want to love me at this point especially if I get divorced.” That’s not a reason to stay in an unhappy marriage. Your husband doesn’t treat you like he loves you. Don’t waste more time on him than you already have. You deserve to be happy and treated with respect.

By the way, I met my husband at 28 and we got married when I was 30. I’m now 33 and expecting our first baby in a few months. You are definitely not too old to find happiness with a partner. But even if you stay single the rest of your life, trust me it’s worth it to be happy on your own, rather than miserable with someone else.

Post # 21
Member
179 posts
Blushing bee

I’m so sorry that you’re going through a hard time.

I have a few thoughts on this and I say all of it out of care and compassion for you, not a place of judgement. 

You need to address your mental health- your self esteem, your depression and any suicidality if you’re still experiencing it. You need to understand that you have the same power as anyone else to end this relationship and yes, there will be a time of difficult emotions to follow, but this is to be expected with any breakup. 

You do not need him to survive. There are services and ways of getting help. 

You are strong and capable enough to save yourself from a lifetime of this and get on your own two feet. This relationship has been unhealthy from the start. 

As far as being 28, I’m almost 40 and just got married for the first time. Others get married much older than me!!! You need to do what’s best for you. It’s better to be alone than to tie yourself to misery and dysfunction for the rest of your life for any reason- whether it’s age you’re telling yourself is the reason or health status or whatever it may be. 

I’m sorry if this all sounds harsh, but you deserve better than this.

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