(Closed) Marriage without the engagement?

posted 10 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
2394 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Do you mean eloping?

I don’t know anyone who has, but think it’s a fine idea if you don’t want to wait or would prefer to avoid a lot of wedding hoopla.

Post # 4
841 posts
Busy bee

Yep, I have heard of a few people doing this (it’s kinda like eloping). some couples just know that they want to spend the rest of their lives together i.e get married, and don’t feel the need for that ‘middle’ step, so they just go for it 🙂

Post # 6
1765 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply

I’d say just sit down and discuss what you both want!  😉

Post # 7
2777 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Yep. DH’s cousin just did this with her long term partner. They have a little 5 year old girl together and they were always going to be together. So they planned a wedding in 1 month and went and did it.

Post # 8
10285 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

View original reply
@sapphirestar: My Fiance and I have been together for over 5 years and lived together for more than 4. I LOVE being engaged. It’s such an exciting time in our lives. I personally, would never even think of eloping but to each their own.

Post # 10
68 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I gueeeess I’m kinda, maybe, doing this, but it all depends on how you define an engagement.

My SO and I are looking for a ring now that we can afford it, but there won’t be a traditional proposal, and I don’t plan on changing my facebook status or calling him my fiancé.  We’ve been together for 6 years and all our loved ones know we’re fully committed to spending the rest of our lives together.  Formally announcing we’re engaged just because I have a ring on my finger would feel kind of silly and artificial, since the decision to get married was made so long ago.  I’m guessing this is where you’re at too, saphirestar.

We do consider ourselves engaged, simply because to us an engagement is a commitment to get married.  There was never any need to formalize it, though, and I understand the formalities are what makes an engagement to some people.

We’re getting the ring because a) they’re pretty!  And he wants me to have a of his love 🙂 and b) strangers will no longer insinuate I’m being taken advantage of because I’ve got no “proof” that my SO is serious about our relationship.

Post # 11
2317 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I sort of did…there will be 11 weeks between the date we got engaged and the day we get married. We got engaged July 17th and I had the whole thing planned by July 24th…and the only reason I waited until Oct was because FI’s brother was away and due back at the end of Sept, so we waited for him. We seriously considered just running down to the courthouse here and just getting it done, but I thought I would regret not having at least some type of ceremony.

Also, my future sister in law eloped 5 years ago, and they didn’t even tell anyone for like a year! Not sure why they were so secretive. They dated for about a year, ran to a courthouse and got married, and then lived together for another year without telling a soul what they did. When my Future Sister-In-Law finally got an engagement ring (a year after exchanging vows) everyone in her family was super excited for her, offering to help plan the wedding, and Future Sister-In-Law had to be like, um, actually….

They never had an official ceremony, but she is thinking about doing a vow renewal for her next anniversary.

Post # 12
1137 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

We got married without an engagement. My Fiance is from Canada, and we were told that we had to get married to do his Green Card Paperwork. The sooner we got married, the sooner we could submit the paperwork, so we got our immediate family and rabbi together 2 weeks later and got legally married at a restaurant.

We have been planning a traditional wedding for the past 8 months. We were assured by our attorney that he would have his Green Card in time for our wedding.

Well, not luck on the Green Card front, the US Government apparently decided to take the summer off, but we’re still looking forward to celebrating our marriage with our extended family and friends.


Post # 13
1995 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

My cousin basically did.  They casually mentioned to my aunt/uncle that they’d be marrying that Wednesday at the courthouse.  umm… what?!?!?  In like 2 days!!  Her own father was out of town on business and didn’t make it back in time and my aunt had to pull her siblings out of school for an hour to go.  My grandparents are still upset they weren’t invited.  I think there is 1 photo of her in a white cotton dress (not attractive) and him in a tie.  For the next 2 years they still lived separate but recently finally got a place together.

Post # 15
1278 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

My cousin eloped and it really hurt a lot of our family – my grandmother was hurt that she didn’t get to go and his own parents didn’t get to go to his wedding! So if you are going to elope, just think about the close family who want to share your day too!

Personally, I don’t want to skip the engaged step. My partner well and truly considers himself married to me – and in the eyes of the law in Australia, we are in a domestic partnership and entitled to the same things as married couples.

He mentioned once just getting engaged when we were about to be married (and marriage hwen we decided we wanted babies – so 3 big things all in one hit! No thanks!) and I explained to him how important it was for me to have that time as a fiance – to have the time to plan a wedding (massive control freak here. I like to be organised!) and he understands now.

That said, every couple is different – just do what feels right to you!

Post # 16
499 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I’m kind of in love with throwing a sort of suprise wedding in your situation. I mean, you sound like you don’t want to have a whole huge production. So I’d be tempted to invite your nearest and dearest to a party and when they all arrive, just up and get married in front of them!

Of course, I say this with the full admission that I love planning the big event and being engaged. I’m just a freaky girly girl like that. But the suprise idea sounds awesome to me for someone else. 😉

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