(Closed) Marriage/dating someone with a big age difference… Can I have your thoughts?

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 31
Member
1888 posts
Buzzing bee

I think the advice from people on here who are still in their 20s, 30s, and even 40s is not really going to be helpful for you. I would talk to women of your parents’ and grandparents’ age, that’s when an age gap really becomes noticeable IMO.

Post # 32
Member
3048 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

Can’t edit my comment anymore. However, I see I read wrong earlier and the age gap is 10 not 5. Lol, sorry about that. Lesson to self, read more slowly haha.

Post # 33
Member
3327 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: City, State

lcvalado:  still happily married, we have been together 10yrs. We have a 37yr age gap and apart from his leg pain, plus heart tablets , we don’t notice the difference

Post # 34
Member
661 posts
Busy bee

I started dating my partner at 22. I’ll admit I had a point in life where lifestyle was a bit of an issue. Two years into dating, my partner bought a house and I felt like I was expected to settle down and play house (my partner at that point in his life was more interested in home improvements than going out). I started to feel caged but thankfully my partner was on the lookout. He encouraged me to continue going out and do all the things I wanted even if it was without him and said that he’d be at home waiting.

If he didn’t encourage me to continue living like a young urbanite until I was ready, I think I would have greatly resented him and eventually done something stupid. I had an aunt who settled down young with my sweet, serious, and older uncle. In her 30s, she decided that she was going to make up for all the fun that she missed so started partying. She ended up cheating on her loving husband with a Rico Suave and they got divorced. The family thinks she ruined her life for thrills and a deadbeat.  

Post # 35
Member
604 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I think I’m the only one here who is older than her spouse! We have an 8 year age difference. If I’m feeling frustrated with something minor he’s done (or not done), I remember what I was like 8 years ago, and find a little more patience for him.

99% of the time it’s a non-issue!

We always joke that we’ll probably die around the same time, because he’s a bit more unhealthy than I am (vices & such). And on a shallow note, I’m really hoping I won’t ever LOOK older than him, most people are shocked when they learn of our age difference, they assume we’re about the same age.

Post # 36
Member
645 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I’m your age and Darling Husband is 41. I do worry about things like he will die before me and we’ve been ttc for five months without luck but then you don’t choose who you fall in love with! The ttc could have nothing to do with his age or it could we don’t know but it hasn’t been that long so im not jumping to conclusions yet! My doctor said sperm count drops with age but not by a lot so as long as men take care of themselves in other ways such as don’t smoke, keep weight healthy and don’t drink to excess then age wont make too much impact. 

Post # 37
Member
653 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

RedHeadKel:  I think this is excatly why I ended up skewing a little younger.  My Fiance is only 2 years younger so not a huge age gap, but right when we graduated from college and start our careers I noticed him going through stages I had worked out prior.  It took so much extra patience to wait for him to get it all out, but I got to see my grandparents reach their 50th wedding aniversary and I wanted that for myself, so I figured waiting a bit for him will be worth it.  Thankfully he has caught up to me now, and might have even surpassed me in maturity haha!  He’s also got this idea in his head that he wants to live until he is 100.  Haha sometimes when he is eating Komucha with Kale for the millionth time I’ll eat some captain crunch and say “Just to make sure I go first”.

 I also don’t think age difference is THAT big of a deal, but sometimes is can be a little creepy, especially if one person is under 22.  It can make the older person seem a bit predatory, and you worry that the younger person might get manipulated by the more experienced partner.   But as long as the relationship is healthy who cares?   The younger person can be a breath of fresh air to the older, and the older can help guide the other through the earlier stages.  Or they could just the same maturity level anyway haha.  

Do what makes you happy, fuck eeryone else.

Post # 38
Member
881 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2006

lcvalado:  ana2017:  

My husband is nearly ten years older than I am. I have never been interested in men my age as I had more in common when men who were more mature and sensible. I love the way older men are generally more romantic and tender. They are also more patient. That said, there are some older men who are just as immature as their younger counterparts. They want a younger woman to manipulate since nobody their own age wants them. 

Being with my husband has made me calmer and happier. I feel like his age and experience adds to my life in a very positive way. I love the way he doesn’t hold anything over my head and he doesn’t talk down to me because I’m younger than he is. We have a traditional marriage and that works for us. 

I met my husband when I was 25 and the age gap was more noticeable until I was about 30. I matured in many ways and changed some bad habits. Now our age difference is hardly noticeable. 

Post # 39
Member
5154 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

lcvalado:  I dont think 10 years is a big deal. However.. like 20/30 year olds who date 50+? Totally creepy to me. 

Post # 40
Member
881 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2006

rao4400:  

+1 An old friend of mine was 22 when her boyfriend was 40. She was very naive and he loved the fact that she was a virgin; I thought that was pretty gross and unsettling. He was talking about marriage within 3 months…we lost touch but I hope that she didn’t marry that man. He had “PREDATOR” on his forehead. 

Post # 41
Member
881 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2006

doglovingwife:  

Wow! That’s a huge gap. 

I’m glad that you are able to make it work despite the generational difference. 

Post # 43
Member
463 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

lcvalado:  lol thought I would keep you another perspective – I’m 7 years older than my fiancé! He is 29 and I just turned 36. 

it was meant o be “a bit of fun” I even told him this as I said theres an 7 year age gap and I’m looking for kids and marriage soon as I’m 34. He said he could be serious and I said no let’s just have fun the age gap is too big.

well the next weekend we met for our first official date and with him he brought a list of reasons why this age gap was no Great Barrier Reef…. We then saw each other every weekend which turned into 3 times a week and 8 months later he moved towns, got a new job and moved in with me…. 1 yr later he visited Africa for the first time in his life to meet some of my family and when thy teased him as to his intentions he said “I’m going to marry her”, 1 year 4 months later we were engaged and next month we marry.

age isn’t an issue as he is more mature then men I dated that were older than me it’s about heart and what we make each other feel. I actually look his age and last night I was ID’d in a club and he wasn’t but something about me worked for him and man not originally ready to settle down became the man telling me he wanted to. Sometimes it’s odd he doesn’t know certain references to old shows or films and music and yet that could happen with anyone. I do worry about hitting certain ages aay ahead like 40 🙁 and 50, so maybe you need to be sensitive to his key birthdays and also think not just how this is for you but for him. If it works it works, it’s all about the love 🙂 xx

Post # 44
Member
130 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

I’m 30 my husband is 39 will be 40 in a couple months. we get along fine. We grew up with different things. Not just music and movies but also the fact that I am from a different culture than him and I wasn’t even exposed to a third of the music, artist, movies that he grew up with. So we don’t even have those things in common from our past. But we have many memories in common from the time we started dating to today and will make many more together in the future. 

Of course I think about aging and sickness. But I’m not going to worry about tomorrow. I’m going to enjoy and live today. One day at a time. 

Post # 45
Member
1700 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I am 25 and my Fiance is 32. I often worry that he will not live as long as I will, so I will do everything I can to ensure that we live a healthy and long life together. I am also in the health field and am very interested in personal nutrition, so I am often making him healthy food and telling him it’s because I need him to live 7 years longer, so we will have each other for life. 

 

I think it is a sign of love to worry about your partner’s health–especially with your SO being older, and men living shorter lives than women. I have an aunt who found the love of her life, but he was 20 years older than her. They married, had a full life together, and after he passed away, she found the second love of her life, and re-married a man who was also a widower. Her story has always made me believe that it is never worth giving up love out of worry for your age gap. 

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