(Closed) Married 2 months and my hubby is impotent

posted 8 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 48
Member
1309 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

OP, please don’t worry. Your husband is just stressed out and nervous. It’s performance anxiety to the max! Just take the pressure off and things will work out. Tell him you want to take a break from the “real deal” and have fun in other ways, touching and kissing and so forth. Tell him, “hey let’s just fool around!”

Post # 49
Member
2874 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

View original reply
@Magdalena:  + 1. exactly like this, light hearted. an ex once had that problem temporarily and was mortified.

its worse for men to have sexual problems, with all the masculine stereotyping and whatnot.worst thing you can do in this situation is make it seema a big deal

Post # 50
Member
1863 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

OP, thank you for posting this.  It has been an issue in our marriage as well, but I didn’t know how to ask about it on the forums.  Reading the responses to your question has helped a lot.  Thanks. 

Post # 51
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: December 2009

Ok…so I have been lurking here for quite some time and NEVER post. But I thought I would share DH’s and I experience.

I was not a virgin when I got married (had sex with one guy) but my DH was and we are both strong Christians. I remember the anticipation leading up to the wedding night and was so excited to be having married sex!. So things are going great and (sorry if TMI) but we were at the point where you make the transition between foreplay and intercourse. I was about to get on top of him, but then all the sudden he lost his erection. He was so embarassed and we stopped right there and went sleep on our wedding night. We tried again and again on our honeymoon and did other fun things (oral) but were never able to have intercourse. So this continued for months and months. I would talk to him and he would explain that he just got really nervous before actual intercourse and I would reassure and reassure him that he had nothing to be nervous about. Well nothing changed and I became angry and bitter. I even started refusing to go to weddings because I was angry that these people that were getting married would be able to have awesome honeymoon sex and I wasn’t able to. It really put a huge divide in our relationship and everytime we would do oral I would go to sleep frustrated.

Finally, I was hanging out with friends one night and they were talking about their awesome sex lives (again) and blah blah blah and I broke down hysterically crying. This was July so we had gone eight months without intercourse. I couldn’t take it anymore and finally told a very close friend of mine. She reassured me and we prayed. She said that she had friends that had this same situation and told me to make my husband get Viagra. I went home and laid it all out on the table…that I was extremely hurt that he had done nothing to try to help this situation (talked to anyone, gone to the dr., etc) and he promised that he would go get Viagra. Well he eventually did….and it worked. We didn’t officially have intercourse until 11 months after we got married. After a few times using Viagra he was able to do it on his own and now things are GREAT. I know you said that Viagra hasn’t worked that great for you, so I would also recommend therapy. (I’m also a counselor 🙂 ) That will create a safe place to vent feelings and frustrations and anxieties. The Celebration of Sex is a great Christian resource.

I wrote all this to hopefully provide some encouragement. We went almost a year without intercourse…but I dont even think about it now (we have been married almost 4 years). Please know you are not alone! I wish you and DH all the best. *hugs*

Post # 52
Member
2424 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

OP, even though you were both virgins, did you ever have any heavy petting make out sessions before you were married, where you felt him get an erection? Or you ever innocently sat on his lap and felt him get hard? If that’s the case, than it probably is just nerves like PP said. If you’ve never known him to get an erection around you EVER I may be more concerned, just because I think it’s something you would notice after dating for a while.

Agree with PP though, don’t push too much, don’t stress him out about it. Experiment with other foreplay, try to get him more relaxed about it in general. Hopefully given time it will work itself out!

Post # 52
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Than u have to start an extra affair.. I think so.. 

Post # 52
Member
32 posts
Newbee

I think this is actually very common among virgins..you spend your entire life masturbating and the vagina just can’t compete with his hand. He’s so completely used to the sensation of doing it with his hand, that he can’t keep it up with regular intercourse. First-line therapy (I’m a physician) is vasodilators like Viagra with behavioural therapy. You may want to consult a sex therapist, but the jist of it is the guy has to refrain from masturbating and only orgasm in the prescence of his partner. In the beginning, maybe he still needs to masturbate to finish the job, but she should also be doing oral at the same time. Then, things will progress to partner doing a handjob until eventually you work your way up to orgasm via vaginal intercourse. 90% of ED is psychological, so there is hope!! And if it’s truly physiological, there are implantable penis pumps, which are very dependable and satisfactory for couples. 

Post # 53
Member
835 posts
Busy bee

maybe he is ridden with guilt or something and he feels like sex is something thats bad or dirty or wrong since its common in religion to be told that. Maybe he has psychologically conditioned himself into feeling shame everytime he gets aroused. 

See a sex therapist. I bet its like a Sex and the City thing like CHarlotte and Trey lol. 

I’m definitely one of those “test drive before buying a car” advocate, to avoid these situations. I am also a god-less heathen so theres that.

Post # 54
Member
2762 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

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lillyofthevalley1:  
View original reply
elephantear:  uhh you guys I really hope the OP got through this cuz the post is 3 years old.

😉

 

Post # 55
Member
835 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
Soon2ElopeBee:  wowzers… my bad for joining in raising this thread from the dead hahahha. not even the first time i did this bahaa

Post # 56
Member
32 posts
Newbee

Haha I realized it was old, but hopefully it can still help someone else in a similar situation! 90% of the time, these things are attributable to excessive masturbation, performance anxiety, or some other psychological block. And if viagra doesn’t work, injections work immediately (but you’d have to stick your penis with a needle every time, and maybe it’s not so sexy..)

Post # 57
Member
1 posts
Wannabee

Hello,
I’m married for over seven years and my husband has been suffering from ED  for a few years now, there was a point when he started taking Cialis. To be honest, he didn’t expect that Cialis could do something with his problem. But after the first intake of this medication he noticed the positive result as well as me. Now can’t seem to keep his hands off of me and I love it ! 
P.S. He is buying his pills without medical prescription [link removed for self-promotion] No issues at all !!

Post # 58
Member
230 posts
Helper bee

Lots of Cialis and Viagra shilling from new one-post members, lol!

Please look up the side effects of these pills before you use them, esp. the long-term consequences.

Post # 59
Member
474 posts
Helper bee

Had no idea this was an old thread!!

Post # 60
Member
143 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2020 - Skamania Lodge

Most women don’t orgasm from traditional intercourse. Now might be a good time to have sex in every other way possible. Oral sex can be particularly satisfying, meaning you both give each other oral sex. If both of you feel great from some “sex for pleasure” methods, he might start feeling more comfortable and the ED might work itself out. Consult a doc and therapist too. Good luck!

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