(Closed) Married 20-somethings: Do people get less obnoxious after you’re married?

posted 10 years ago in 20 Something
Post # 3
4023 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I don’t hear it all anymore. It seems that since it happened, people don’t feel the need to be like “you are so young” and try to convince you of not getting married.

Post # 4
1325 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

oh gosh, i hope so!!!!!!

Post # 5
2634 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

Well, I personally never got that, but I was 28 when we got married, so I’m on the higher end of the 20 somethings. lol

However, my sister was married at 21 and pregnant at 22, and while I would never say it to her face, every day I am just amazed that she is only 22 and already married with a kid on the way.  I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that because she/her DH were 100% ready for both.  So, while I may never make those obnoxious comments, I certainly do think them. lol

Post # 6
359 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I’m not married yet, but in my area it doesnt seem to take very long before people get over it – but that may just be because you’re almost expected to get married by about age 24. I’m 24 and I’ve definitely had some “it’s about time” comments. 

I think you may still hear a few comments, but it’s better than some of the comments you’d likely receive if you were single/unmarried through your 20s – unfortunately some people are just rude and will have something to say no matter what you do.

Do you look especially young for your age? Does it tend to come from people your own age or from older people? I would try to focus on their perspective and think about why they might be saying it; I doubt it’s simply to criticize you. If they are around the same age, it’s probably just that they can’t imagine getting married that young (maybe because they’re immature or just havent found the right person yet). If they are older, then they probably think it is a complement to tell you that you look so young to be married and/or that when they were your age THEY werent ready to get married…

I don’t mean to dismiss your feelings, I just thought that if you can stop viewing it as them being critical or feeling like you need to defend your choices – then maybe the comments wont bother you so much. Maybe if you just give a short response like “Well, not every one is so lucky to find love so young.” 😉 It gets the point across that yes, we’re young but this is right for us – sorry you dont have what we have…without being rude or having to explain yourself.

Post # 7
18627 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I don’t have people saying anything.  I’m almost 24 now but I act pretty mature so people don’t really ask.  Plus, we have a bunch of people at my work getting married and they are barely 20 so the heat is off me now.

Post # 8
1062 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Im not married yet, but im 19 turning 20 in June, and will be almost 21 by the time of the wedding. We have a little girl thats 16 1/2 months and I dont care what people think really. Most people are so happy for us and know that FH and I are highschool sweethearts, so who ever wants to talk shit, f em! lol I just know im marrying the love of my life/my childs father and couldnt be any happier!

Post # 9
762 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I haven’t gotten much of the “you’re so young” crap (only a handful of comments like this), but I’ve gotten a TON of “are you pregnant?” or “let me guess, shot gun wedding?”…like literally EVERYONE asked this exept family. It really started to piss me off becuase like when is it acceptable to ask a lady, much less a 19 year old that Question?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Anyways, yes I hope it stops, and I can’t see why it wouldn’t 🙂

Post # 10
4334 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’m going to be 27 when I get married, and looking back on my 20s, I am really honestly glad that I waited. I’ve learned sooo much through different life experiences; living with different roommates, learning how to deal with situations, and especially growing in my own self-knowledge.

But, on the other hand, I do have friends who got married in their very early twenties or late teens, and I have heard them talk about how they then go through these same experiences, but *together.* You really become even closer when you go through the formative years of your twenties together, rather than spending those years individually. 

Not saying one is better than the other. I think for different people there would definitely be different answers. 

Post # 11
7298 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

I get the opposite since I’m 28. I get “It’s about time!” wow. I was engaged at 19, but I’m glad my parents talked me out of that one. ha ha ha. I look back and realize that I was just like every 19 year old and “so mature for my age.” bleh. People are always going to have something negative to say about anything.

Post # 12
1271 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

i’m still a 20-something, on the upper end now…i’m 28 and will be 29 on our wedding day, and he is 30 and will be 32.  HOWEVER i’m an encore bride, and the first time around, we were both 20 when we got engaged and 24 on the day of.  in the beginning it was all we got.  but we were engaged so long, i think people got bored with it, lol.  not a word was said when we finally did get married.  it was never forgotten during the long engagement, we still talked openly in front of friends and family about our intentions to get married.  it was well known that we were waiting till we could afford to pay for our own wedding.  i don’t know how much the circumstances affected people’s reactions.

Post # 13
1577 posts
Bumble bee

My guess is that people I just meet will just accidentally refer to my husband as my boyfriend. A lot of people have asked me “are you sure you want to get married?” or things like “can you believe you will be married already soon?” But noone has been too rude about it. Some vendors at a bridal expo didn’t seem to take me seriously, though, but that is probably because I look younger than 22.

Post # 14
212 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

People can just get over it. Older brides seem to always want to be snappy about younger brides. Older women who got married at 17/18 who are still married will be mouthy with someone getting married at 22 and say they are too young. People will be jealous and be mouthy. People who don’t like you will be mouthy. People who don’t know how to keep their mouths shut…they’ll be mouthy.

I’ve only had one person say anything to me about getting married at 20. But in the same conversation she told me she was 22 with 3 kids and she got married at 18, and she honestly LOOKED like she was 16 years old, so I just laughed. She made her choices, I’ll make mine.

All of our family loves it and keeps saying it’s about time! Around here in the south though, if you’re a guy and you aren’t married by 24/25, you’re getting old. If you’re a girl and you’re 21/22 and aren’t married, holy cow you’re an old maid!

I’ve also had ONE person tell my parents I was too young- my mom just found out she has a brother. I’ve never met him, and she’s met him one time. He lives in Kansas City and is very er…close-minded. But I’ve never met the guy, he doesn’t know us. Anyone that knows me is happy and everything, and everyone around here gets married young. *shrugs*. Oh well.

Post # 15
85 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Ok so I have gotten many different things. My co-workers honestly thought that I was way older than what I actually am (I just turned 20 last month and all of then thought I was 22-23) Apparently I do not act like a 20 year-old at all to them and they spend 8 hours a day with them! My mom was so excited and my dad was grumpy but my dad would act like this if I was getting married at 30! He has problems with change and acccepting his little girl is growing up. All of our close friends were not surprised at all. They were all like “it’s about time!” I think that having a ring on my finger will only make everyone think I am even older! 

They only time I wasn’t taken seriously was at 1 jewerly store. They didn’t think we were serious about buying a ring and when we decided on one they kept pushing for financing or layaway and I was like no thanks we can pay for it upfront. Aparently 20 year olds are not expected to have more than $500 in their savings haha.

Post # 16
114 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I was 22 when I got married. 24 now. I still get random strangers commenting on how I must be very newly married because I am so young and have a ring on my finger. It’s weird. Just last week a lady at the airport commented on it. Hi random stranger, piss off. I guess it’s just because  I look even younger than 24 so it throws strangers off.

However, my friends and people that actually know me don’t say anything like that at all. Instead they have replaced it with “so when are you having kids” and “how much longer til you try for a baby”. Greeeeat.


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