(Closed) Married 5 months…not happy.

posted 7 years ago in Married Life
Post # 17
Member
858 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

Here’s what I would do.  I wouldn’t clean a thing and I mean those dishes in the sink would get mold but I still wouldn’t clean them.  I’d stop looking even decent around him.  I’d purposefully make myself look 1000% unattractive but if I went out for girls night out I’d look HOTT.  I’d still take care of the animals because it’s not their fault.  Have a Sex in the City marrathon or some type of girly movies and or shows.  Only cook for yourself or maybe make it his food taste ultra bad.  Chances are he’ll want to talk and you tell him that if he wants to split half the work than you two will split it.

Normally I’d say talk to him about but if talking really isn’t working than put your money where your mouth is.  Beat him at his own game.

Post # 18
Member
690 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Studies showed that there is usually more sex in a marriage when women do their ‘core’ roles and men don’t.

 

Can you get pregnant by ‘accident?’

What do you think he’d say?

Post # 19
Member
1880 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@soontobemrsm11:  Yeah, as soon as we got engaged, most our married friends, cousins, and assorted others were like “don’t give up during the first year of marriage! It’s the worst time, we almost broke up so many times but now we’re happy!” And their problems sounded EXACTLY like what OP is going through, where all your hidden expectations of how it is come out and frequently people got boxed into stereotypical gender roles that they hadn’t signed on for, and it was all very stressful and upsetting. But the vast majority of people we know sorted it out and are now happy. What surprised me was that even people who had been together a long time, like 10+ years, before marriage still had this crazy time and said the first year was the worst. So we’re kind of dreading it even though we’re looking forward to being married lol.

@Daisy_Mae:  All of this. When I moved in, my fiance stopped cleaning up the house (realistically, he may have only ever cleaned up the house right before I came over). For a few months I cleaned up all the things before realizing that was stupid. We both work. I clean up my things and do my laundry, and he does his. We have a maid for the deep cleaning, vacuuming, stuff like that. But daily we just are each responsible for our own stuff. And if he doesn’t clean up his stuff in a timely manner, I will pile it all on his ottoman in front of the couch, and THEN he’ll do it. In the past several weeks he says he’s been too busy to take care of the dog – the only reason I have a dog is because he came with one, so I’ve told him if he can’t take care of her he needs to find a different home for her. Now he’s stopped trying to make me take care of her. It all sounds harsh but if you want him to carry his weight you need to stop stepping up and doing his things for him.

Post # 20
Member
501 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2023

In your other thread you said you’d come to an arrangement that he paid bills so you did the housework. Has this changed? If so, and you’re now contributing financially to the running of the house, have you even raised this with your husband? 

Post # 21
Member
1406 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

@Cinderella24:  You are most certainly not alone.  When Darling Husband and I were first dating, he always always cleaned his place before I came over….only ONE time did I see his place a mess and it was b/c he had swine flu. Then I moved in, not working, and did all the cleaning b/c it was his stuff and I respected it and didn’t want to damage anything.

I’ve come to the realization that Darling Husband could live in filth all the time….he hasn’t cleaned the bathroom once in 2 years.  I had to create a “mental chore chart” for us….basically he handles all the “manly” items and I worry about the rest.  He does help with the cooking and empties the dishwasher….but I DO have to tell him…but at least he does it.

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