Post # 1
I’m writing this post because I don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve been married 7 months and it seems like I don’t know the man I married anymore. I guess I should start from the beginning. B (We’ll call him) was my best friend. We used to stay up all night talking about everything, we watched tv together, we were attached at the hip. But, somewhere between when we got engaged till now things have went downhill.
#1: about 2 months into being marriejewelry got drunk together invited some friends over and he ended up in a compromising position with a dude & a chick. He didn’t cheat with the chick but he did cheat with the dude though he tried to cheat with the girl. I walked in on it & he was so plastered he doesn’t remember. i was expected to forgive & forget immediately almost. So I pushed my pain aside for the good of our marriage.
#2 he was dating a girl for about 4 years before we met & she said some rude things about me. “You don’t love her, she was just there at the right place right time don’t get married. You don’t love her” he doesn’t see this as offensive and didn’t even defend me when it was all said and done and doesn’t understand why I don’t want him to speak to her anymore. Then when she Was home (she was stationed in Korea) he went to cut her line off & it took 3 hours. Suspicious I think so and his story doesn’t add up.
#3: we got into this fight now I’m the hot head but I didn’t provoke him this time he threw me into a chair and punched the wall by my head and broke his knuckle
#4: another fight gone wrong. He was yelling at me and I was telling me not to touch me and he grabbed me & dragged me across the bed. He held me down called me a bitch & walked out of the room in a fit of rage I threw some thinga and he came upstairs grabbed me we ended up downstairs. Im sitting on a chair and he’s yelling at me. He come and picks me up to body slam me & a friend/roommate intercepts. I have brush burn scars & everything. I was supposed to get over this too immediately
i feel as if I can’t talk to him anymore. If he wants something he gets it forget my feelings. I know I’m not perfect and have said some hurtful things. But I don’t know how much longer I can pretend to be happy. He says the reason he wants me to get over things is because he can’t stand not touching me or having my attention. It’s not fair! We have money problems and I am putting my walls up and refusing to communicate. I want to go back to school to have a better life for ourselves but with our financial problems he doesn’t see that happening. I just want my best friend back
Post # 3
Number 4, in my opinion is all the reason you need to leave.
Post # 4
#1 – cheating
#2 – almost certainly cheating. There is no reason to visit an ex for 3 hours unless you have a child together. Why couldn’t someone else “cut her line off” (whatever that means). I’m sorry to say he almost certainly cheated that day.
#3 and #4 – physical abuse. Never ever acceptable
Summary: he cheats and abuses you. I’m so sorry it’s come to this but for your own good you need to pack your things and leave. I hope you have family or someone like that you can go to. *Hugs* to you.
Post # 5
I would not stay with a man who physically strikes me. If my husband ever rose his hand to me, he would not have a hand to raise again, and I would be gone.
Post # 6
Wow, do you acknowledge that you are experiencing serious physical abuse, and that you are in serious danger?
You need to get out. You are not safe. You are going to get injured and seriously hurt.
Post # 7
Ahhhh. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I have to say divorce him. Immediately. Physical abuse is not something you should endure. I’m sorry.
Post # 8
I guess I didn’t aknowledge it because its only happens twice but I’ve always been afraid for it to happen again. i knew what it was when it happened and Ive been in an abusive relationship before but when we talk about it he does not askew it as abuse since he didn’t punch me in the face. I’m laying in bed trying to work up the courage to ask for a separation and to go to consuling but I’m afraid of what he’ll say. He says he doesn’t believe in divorce and will go to his grave with it. How do I take that?
Post # 9
@Unhappily_Happy: First of all, you don’t tell him in person.
You get out, where he can’t hurt you, and call him up over the phone.
The last thing you need is for him to get so pissed off that you’re leaving him that he ends up putting you in the hospital.
Post # 10
@Unhappily_Happy: The fact that he doesn’t acknowledge that as a abuse is shocking. The fact that you are afraid, should confirm to you it is abuse.
You are an adult, you do not need to ask him for a separation. Just leave.
Post # 11
Please get help. Leave, immediately. These stories do not have a happy ending, and I think you already know that you need to leave based on the “want to give up” in the title. It would be a very good move and one that will take a lot of strength to get out of this situation.
Post # 12
Got to numbers 3 and 4 and… nope. Please don’t stay with him. This man clearly needs more help than you can get him.
Cheating I can see trying to overcome. Physical abuse, nope.
Post # 13
I hope you can find the strength to leave. I’m so sorry you are going through this and it must be hard to compare what is going on now to how nice it was before. But you have to understand that it is very likely that this will only get worse. Once you know that somebody has the capability to be abusive you can never really trust that they won’t do it again. Unfortunately, some men only become abusive in their relationship after getting married. He feels like he’s ‘got’ you now, so he can do what he wants to you and you won’t leave. Imagine how much more terrifying and helpless you would feel if you had a child together, and he was supporting you both financially, and abusing you and/or your child, or cheating on you. Leave while you still can. There are so many incredible men out there who would never dream of treating you in such a horrible way. Imagine how much better your future would be, with a person who treats you with respect and makes you feel loved and safe.
Post # 14
I could maybe get over the cheating but physical abuse is 100% unacceptable. His anger will never go away, it will only escalate until he seriously injures you or himself. The best thing you can do for both of you is to end the marriage.
Post # 15
This is so important. Do NOT confront him now. The stats show that a woman is in the maximum danger when she tries to escape. Tip toe around on egg shells if you must to keep yourself safe.
Definitely contact the DV hotline http://www.thehotline.org/ immediately. They can put you in contact with local resources.
And NO couples counseling! It’s dangerous with abusers.
There is not only physical abuse going on here, there is verbal and emotional as well. I can say thst with confidence because ALL physical abuse is preceded by verbal abuse. That’s why I worry so much about Bees who post about “but he’d never hit me” while she’s being verbally assaulted.
Post # 16
You are so right about him feeling that he’s got her now. That feeling hits them at different stages, for some of them, it’s moving in, or getting engaged, some abusers don’t feel secure enough to show you what they are until they have conned the victim into marriage.