(Closed) Married 7 months but I want to give up!

posted 5 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
83 posts
Worker bee

Number 4,  in my opinion is all the reason you need to leave.

Post # 4
Member
7759 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

#1 – cheating

#2 – almost certainly cheating. There is no reason to visit an ex for 3 hours unless you have a child together. Why couldn’t someone else “cut her line off” (whatever that means). I’m sorry to say he almost certainly cheated that day.

#3 and #4 – physical abuse. Never ever acceptable

Summary: he cheats and abuses you. I’m so sorry it’s come to this but for your own good you need to pack your things and leave. I hope you have family or someone like that you can go to. *Hugs* to you.

Post # 5
Member
9074 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

I would not stay with a man who physically strikes me. If my husband ever rose his hand to me, he would not have a hand to raise again, and I would be gone.

Post # 6
Member
2335 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

Wow, do you acknowledge that you are experiencing serious physical abuse, and that you are in serious danger?

You need to get out. You are not safe. You are going to get injured and seriously hurt.

Post # 7
Member
1292 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

Ahhhh. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I have to say divorce him. Immediately. Physical abuse is not something you should endure. I’m sorry.

Post # 9
Member
2335 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

@Unhappily_Happy:  First of all, you don’t tell him in person.

You get out, where he can’t hurt you, and call him up over the phone.

The last thing you need is for him to get so pissed off that you’re leaving him that he ends up putting you in the hospital.

Post # 10
Member
7759 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Unhappily_Happy:  The fact that he doesn’t acknowledge that as a abuse is shocking. The fact that you are afraid, should confirm to you it is abuse.

You are an adult, you do not need to ask him for a separation. Just leave.

Post # 11
Member
5109 posts
Bee Keeper

Please get help. Leave, immediately. These stories do not have a happy ending, and I think you already know that you need to leave based on the “want to give up” in the title. It would be a very good move and one that will take a lot of strength to get out of this situation.

http://www.thehotline.org/

Post # 12
Member
4868 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Got to numbers 3 and 4 and… nope. Please don’t stay with him. This man clearly needs more help than you can get him. 

Cheating I can see trying to overcome. Physical abuse, nope. 

Post # 13
Member
887 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I hope you can find the strength to leave. I’m so sorry you are going through this and it must be hard to compare what is going on now to how nice it was before. But you have to understand that it is very likely that this will only get worse. Once you know that somebody has the capability to be abusive you can never really trust that they won’t do it again. Unfortunately, some men only become abusive in their relationship after getting married. He feels like he’s ‘got’ you now, so he can do what he wants to you and you won’t leave. Imagine how much more terrifying and helpless you would feel if you had a child together, and he was supporting you both financially, and abusing you and/or your child, or cheating on you. Leave while you still can. There are so many incredible men out there who would never dream of treating you in such a horrible way. Imagine how much better your future would be, with a person who treats you with respect and makes you feel loved and safe.

Post # 14
Hostess
7561 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

I could maybe get over the cheating but physical abuse is 100% unacceptable. His anger will never go away, it will only escalate until he seriously injures you or himself. The best thing you can do for both of you is to end the marriage.

Post # 15
Member
7446 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

@rachelmichelle:  

This is so important.  Do NOT confront him now. The stats show that a woman is in the maximum danger when she tries to escape.  Tip toe around on egg shells if you must to keep yourself safe.

Definitely contact the DV hotline http://www.thehotline.org/  immediately.  They can put you in contact with local resources.

And NO couples counseling!  It’s dangerous with abusers.  

There is not only physical abuse going on here, there is verbal and emotional as well.  I can say thst with confidence because ALL physical abuse is preceded by verbal abuse.  That’s why I worry so much about Bees who post about “but he’d never hit me” while she’s being verbally assaulted.

Post # 16
Member
7446 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

@araneidae:  

You are so right about him feeling that he’s got her now.  That feeling hits them at different stages, for some of them, it’s moving in, or getting engaged, some abusers don’t feel secure enough to show you what they are until they have conned the victim into marriage.

The topic ‘Married 7 months but I want to give up!’ is closed to new replies.

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