Post # 1
I am having such a hard time with the name change issue!
Part of me would really prefer to keep my own name. As a statement, a testament to equality and against the presumption that women will always change their names upon marriage whereas men are rarely even asked what their name will be after marriage. I’m 28- so it’s early in my career, but I definitely have already built a solid professional network and reputation.
On the other hand, some weird hidden part of me thinks it would be romantic to take my husband’s name. I’m almost embarassed to admit it! But when we travel, sometimes I book our rooms in MyFirst HisLast and it makes me smile. I know that families don’t need to have the same name, but sometimes I like the sound of it.
When we got married, I thought I might hyphenate as a great compromise. I test-drove it for a few months, but the actual combination of our names is unwieldy and awkward, not to mention it combines two fairly difficult names into one big mouthful. I like the idea and theory of hyphenation, but I know in practice I don’t feel comfortable with it in our case.
Oh, and my husband is fine with whatever I do. He doesn’t want to take my name, for the same reasons I’m having trouble deciding if I want to take his.
So, questions for you:
- Did you keep your birth name, change to his, hyphenate, etc??
- Did you struggle with the decision?
- If you changed it, how long after your wedding did you do it?
Thanks ladies. I’m really struggling here.
Post # 3
@namechangefreakout: could you maybe change your name and keep your old name professionally?
Post # 4
@wwbga: This. I changed my name but use a hyphenated name professionally. On paper, I’ve moved my maiden to middle and have DHs as my last name.
Post # 5
1. I hyphenated for a few weeks, then decided it was too long of a name (16 letters long!) and long term would be frustrating to deal with.
2. It was a hard decision only because I really wanted to keep my maiden name as a middle name, but where I am from that is a legal name change which I am not willing to do.
3. I changed my name about 3 months after the wedding
I am used to my new name now and I love feeling like a complete family with my Darling Husband. I know I will always be a “Maiden Name” girl in my heart.
Also, FWIW I never changed my name at work, except for payroll purposes, as I have been here over 5 years and can’t be bothered to get a new email, explain to external clients I deal with that my name has changed etc. When I get a new job (hopefully within the next year) I will use my new married name.
Post # 6
I plan on just tacking FI’s name onto the end of my current name, so I’ll have four names.
FirstName, MiddleName, MaidenName, FIsName
This way I have the option of calling myself by both last names, or just having my maiden name as a second middle name.
Basically I really like how my current name sounds (first, middle, last) and don’t want to lose any of it, but still want to share a name with my future husband. This is particuarly important to me for when we have kids. My mom kept her maiden name, and growing up I always felt awkward being like “no that’s my mom, she kept her name.”
Post # 7
I changed my name and am going as Firstname Maidenname Hislastname. I did have a miniature identity crisis when I started doing all the paperwork but I always pictured myself changing my last name and once it was done, it was done. I had to do it pretty quickly after the wedding because I had to get my passport updated, new drivers license, etc. for work (I travel sometimes).
Plus someone told me I had to get my name changed within 6 months or I have to do more paperwork. I’m still not sure if that was true, but I hustled anyway, I didn’t want to fill out more forms.
Post # 8
@namechangefreakout: In your case, it sounds like a Yourfirst Yourmaiden HisLast compromise will work, like Hillary Rodham Clinton. You can use Hillary Rodham, Hillary Clinton, or Hillary Rodham Clinton. You can keep your name professionally, and use his socially, or use whatever combination you’d like.
Post # 9
@namechangefreakout: I’m having the exact same dilemma that you are, and totally thinking the exact same way for each circumstance, but the only difference is that I’m getting married next year. Good luck to you!
Post # 10
I was really on the fence, too. Our first married fight was about it, too. :/ I was going to hyphenate, but I thought our last names sounded weird together. Even though they’re both short, people routinely butcher both of them, so two butchered names put together… well, it would have been a pain.
I ended up changing my last name about a month after we were married (a couple weeks ago!). I miss my name, but we’re a team now, so we needed a team name. 🙂
Post # 11
Thanks so much for weighing in, ladies. We are coming up on our one year anniversary, and today at lunch I am going to the Social Security Office and changing my name to First Maiden HisLast. If it’s good enough for Hillary, it’s good enough for me 🙂
I love hearing everyone’s perspectives though, so keep commenting here!
Post # 12
@namechangefreakout: i changed my name. I didn’t struggle with this decision at all. i changed my name immediately after. As soon as I got my marriage certificate that stated my new name, i went down the DMV and SSC Office
If you hyphenate your name legally, just know that it might become a pain in the ass, because of paper work you would have to sign the entire name. At least this is what my girlfriend told me who hypehnated her name and now she is regretting it and is in the process of changing her name to his.
Post # 13
I’m just going to have two last names, tack his on (First Middle Maiden Hislast). Basically the same idea as a hypen without the actual hypen. Our computers at work have a hard time with hypens so I’m a bit biased against them having been frustrated by them so many times.
Post # 14
I didn’t change my name. My last name is awesome, people call me by it all the time, and it shows my heritage, so there was no way I was changing it. My Darling Husband is totally fine with it… his only concern was how we would name any future children, but we are on the same page in that they will have his last name.
I think my in-laws were a little disappointed because they kept bringing it up after the wedding (we hadn’t discussed it with them before and I think they just assumed I was changing my name), but I definitely don’t feel pressure to change it.
Post # 15
I’m on the fence, and I decided that I’m not going to make a decision until at least a year after the wedding, and maybe even wait until we have kids. I’ll be getting a PhD probably one year after my wedding. I began the PhD before I even knew him, and I’d kind of like the name I started with on my degree.
I definitely don’t want to get rid of my middle name because it is a family name I love, but I’m known my my current last name so I don’t want to get rid of that either. However, he kind of likes the idea of sharing a last name, and I like the idea of sharing the same last name with my future kids. So, as a compromise, I’m probably eventually going to either have 2 last names or hypenate (even those both names are pretty terrible and it would be the worst hypenated name ever- hahaha). That way my maiden name is still there and it doesn’t hold me back in the field, but I still share part of my name with my husband and family. I’m not really sure which I want to do, and I’m going to take my time to think about because it is an important decision and I want to make the right one!