- 3 years ago
- Wedding: December 2017
I’m coming on here anonymous because I need help and advice – idk who else to turn to.
I’ve been married for about 7 months and I’ve been having depressive episodes. We just got back from our honeymoon (we had a late honeymoon) and I should be on cloud 9 but I’m not. And no it’s not because i’m sad its over because i was feeling depressed while on my honeymoon and i couldn’t enjoy it like i wanted to.
A little background info is that i was diagnosed with anxiety and depression before my wedding and I thought it was due to all the wedding stress. After the wedding i was in a deep hole and i thought i would never come out. I eventually came out and got better but i still get in my moods every once in a while. I won’t know it, i just know that i become easily irritable and snap at my DH for just about everything. and when i’m in this mood, if things don’t go my way, its like my whole world is crashing down and i go back into my hole. I dont know why i get like this.
Lately the whole idea of me being married is bringing me down – is this normal? maybe it’s an identity issue idk? I just find myself missing my single life alot. I miss doing my own thing, by myself, having plans for myself and not have to worry about another person and their plans. I miss having goals for myself and allowing myself to go far without anything holding me back. But now i just feel like being married is holding me back from everything and theres no clear evidence to it. DH pushes me to acheive my goals and wants me to go as far as i want, hes not holding me back from anything. He encourages me in anything realistic i want to do. He’s an amazing husband, loving, caring, understanding, always by my side, attentive, patient – he only wants to see me happy. He does everything he can to make happy and i feel guilty because nothing works. He’s the best i could ever ask for so why do i miss being single? Why do i not want to be married? is this normal for married people to go through?
I also fantasize about being with other people which is weird because i never thought about dating these people even when i was single but now i think about “what ifs” and these guys arent my type at all.
i feel like alot of my issues stemmed from my relationship issues before the wedding, my husband and i were having alot of problems and despite all the doubts, we got married and worked through them all. my husband did a complete 180 and has changed – in a good way. before he wouldn’t open up to me, was not affectionate at all, felt like i was never a priority to him. now he makes everything about me, will kiss me 100 times a day (literally) tells me loves me a bagillion times and all he wants to do is hold me and always wants to be with me which is what i wanted all along. but sometimes i feel like the damage from our engagement is still hurting me and i cant really enjoy the person he is now. idk if my depression is because of our issues we had during our engagement. sometimes i wish i had never gotten married. this feeling only comes when we have problems or start to argue just like any other married couple. but to me , a small issue seems like my whole world is crashing and i quickly jump to the idea of “this is never going to work, i want a divorce”. is this my depression talking or there somethine else going on that im not aware of? it just seems like i can never be happy with anything, and idk why.
for those who are married and have depression – how do you cope and do you go through the same thing or something similar? is my marriage making me depressed or is it just me?