(Closed) Married at the Rehearsal

posted 8 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 3
2634 posts
Sugar bee

I know a lot of people probably don’t share my views on this, but if you are literally having panic attacks about the ceremony, why not get a doctors appointment and ask if she’ll prescribe you some Xanax?  You could start taking it now (it’s not an everyday medicine, it’s on an as needed basis) when you are feeling anxious and if you NEED to you can take one on the big day.

Post # 4
396 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

I would say go for it at the rehersal dinner if everyone is ok with it, I would also maybe check with the parents. My Fiance considered getting married a week before the wedding due to a crazy sister saying she would object at our wedding. However after thinking about it I really wanted our wedding ann. to be the actual day I walked down the aisle. Your’s would be the night before though so it wouldn’t be so far apart.

Post # 5
3041 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I got EXTREMELY nervous thinking about this.. I felt nauseous just thinking about it. Afraid I would freeze walking down the isle cause of everyone looking at me. At the actual ceremony, it actually didn’t feel like I was on stage or that “everyone was watching me”. Seriously, its NOT “as bad” as you think. Everyone on here told me the same thing, & I still kinda doubted… but everyone was right. You just look at your groom when you walk down the isle & look at him the entire ceremony. You won’t even notice how many people are there (I had about 225 people at mine). It was probably the least stressful time I’ve ever been in a large group of people. I get nervous just standing in front of a class or my church, but I wasn’t nervous at all during the wedding. All that stress you think you’ll have “goes away” once you start walking down the isle & afterwards you realize you were stressing beforehand for nothing. You’ll be fine 🙂

Post # 6
542 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

If you want to get married at your rehearsal and not on your wedding day because your anxious about all eyes on you… you’ll still have to walk down the aisle the next day at your actual wedding. so whats the difference?

Post # 7
1778 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I am going to 2nd the Xanax.  That and some deep breathing should be enough.  You will be nervous on your wedding day, but I do think you will regret it if it’s just a “play”.  There could also be backlash at a later point when people find out.

Post # 8
1580 posts
Bumble bee

Would you tell the bridal party or try to be super-secret about it? Would you have a rehearsal rehearsal?

I think there is enough stress the day before the wedding that you don’t need to add to it by actually getting married at the rehearsal. My wedding day was so calm and beautiful because it was my wedding day. It’s not something you’ll want to miss, and I do think you would regret getting married at the rehearsal.

It’s not scary to walk down the aisle and stand in front of everyone. It actually is amazing to look at all of the smiling faces of your loved ones and know that they are there supporting you.

Post # 9
4001 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I’m just a bit confused about your idea.  Don’t you still have to walk down the aisle of a crowded church the next day?  You’ll still be the center of attention, no?  I imagine having panic attacks about it all is hard to manage so if you truly think this will help, then why not.  As long as you and your Fiance are ok with it.  I just fear that you’ll wake up the next day and still be at the same stress level.

Post # 10
2030 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I don’t think you should go ahead with getting married at the rehearsal. For one, your minister probably wouldn’t allow it, since you are effectively deceiving your guests. Second, how will you even know what to do, since you won’t be actually be having a rehearsal then? Finally, it will be extremely obvious that the actual ceremony is being performed at the rehearsal, so everyone is going to either figure it out or be very confused. They never run through everything line by line at the rehearsal. It’s more like, “Walk forward, now you stand here, we’ll say some things, now you hand her this, now turn and walk, no not that fast.” And if I were a guest, I would be upset about being deceived.

Post # 11
1927 posts
Buzzing bee

Your rehearsal is not the place to get married.  They are usually disorganized and confusing with everyone trying to figure out where to go.  Also.. it is VERY uncommon for people to actually say their vows at the rehearsal… you usually just do a walk through.  Also, since you would want to hide it from people you would have to control your emotions and pretend like nothing special was happening.  I think you would really regret it.

Post # 12
1995 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I agree with the others – please clarify your intensions.  It’s a little late to regret the guest count and venue.  Have you spoken to worked with anyone about anexity issues?  Is this a new thing just wedding related or larger?  At nothing else speak to Fiance and father to help you calm your nerves for the ceremony.  In my experience I looked at almost nobdy except Darling Husband & officiant the entire time.  It’s your big day, you’re suppose to be nervous! 

Post # 13
2866 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I agree. You’ll still have to walk down the aisle. If you didn’t want all eyes on you why didn’t you just have a family only ceremony and then invite guests to a reception at a later time?

I think a lot of people would be disappointed to find out that you were already married (since that’s the point of coming to the ceremony). And people WILL find out. Someone will let it slip.

Is your dad escorting you? If not can you walk with your FI? Then it’s not like everyone is staring at you. Or could you do something were he walks in from one side of the altar and you walk in to meet him from the other (instead of walking down the aisle)?

Post # 14
13096 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

DO NOT get married at the rehearsal.  You will regret it later on, people will find out and be ticked at you for deceiving them, and you still will have to be the center of attention at the “fake” wedding the next day!  There are zero positives to your idea.  As others have said, the rehearsal is never a full run-through anyway.  It is just stand here, move here, walk this way, etc.

Also, as serabell, as nervous as you may think you’ll be, it all goes away when you see your groom at the end of the aisle.  I never noticed the 150 people sitting in the pews.  I was just focused on my Darling Husband.  No one else mattered.

Post # 15
177 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I almost had to do this and it’s still an option but for different reasons, my fmil is sick with cancer, and may not be able to attend, currently though things are looking as though she will make it to the wedding! Wee!

But anyway, back to the topic at hand–even if I was going to get married the night before I’d still be nervous as hell the next day anyway–being married or not doesn’t change stage fright. If it is what you want to do, I would talk to your family and your officiant about it–ours was completely ok with it if it had to be done, but in order for it to be legit you MUST get your wedding license to say the actual day you are getting married, so in this case it might be the 3rd instead of the 4th, if that’s the path you choose to take.

I know what it is like to be nervous, but it’s such a short amount of time, it will be over before you know it!! Just focus on the fiance, he’ll get you through it 🙂

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