Post # 1
I would love your experience, advice, expectations and reality pieces on a specific question.
Fiance is worried about what happens after the wedding is over.
Please understand that I am his first serious girlfriend and now fiance, we’ll be getting married in about 10 months and he has a small fear that I wish to help him with through other’s experiences.
After the wedding was over, after the honeymoon…What was it like?
Fiance isn’t quite sure what is going to happen after we are married. We’ll be moving into my mother’s apartment (money issues/credit issues) so we both know this will be an adjustment, a learning curve but since my mother is a loving, kind, patient woman it is not her that he is nervous about. It is the unknown.
He is happy and excited to get married to me and I to him but he wants to make sure we don’t get stuck in a rut, become anti-social, hermit-like people. I told him we can have date nights, and he really liked that idea! I was just wondering what else we can do as husband and wife to keep ourselves, active and outgoing?
Question to the bees: What was it like for you after you got married? What hobbies did you pick up? What did you do to still be apart of the world (other then work)? Any thing we should avoid as a newly wed couple?
Thank you ladies!
Fiance disclaimer: I really hope that all the bees understand that this is just a small, very small fear he mentioned in passing to me one night while talking about marriage. He does very much want to get married to me, and knows he is ready for this big adjustment in his life, by the time we are married we’ll be together for 6 and a half years.
Post # 3
I’m not sure why it’ll be so different after you get married in terms of going out and doing things. Is it because you live separately now?
Post # 4
It’s like getting on with it already! And while romance and passion are still there, it’s not this big urgent thing…things calm down, you find out he really hates having the flat sheet tucked into his side of the bed, and that his mom has eleven toes….you discover he has a talent for carving pumpkins and a taste for caviar….whatever….it’s a life! You build it together, you burn a few dinners, break each others hearts and eat all of the Christmas fudge wrapping presents….people get blinded by the pomp and circumstance of a wedding sometimes and they are ignoring the vast ocean of possibilities that lies ahead for any couple….focus on knowing one another as you both evolve and it’ll be just fine….oh and stick to the fundamentals: love and sandwiches.
Post # 5
Nothing changed for us because we lived together before the wedding. I think your biggest challenge will be living with family. It isn’t something I would recommend in almost any case, unless you’re 100% sure it’ll be a positive experience. Having the ability to establish yourselves as a new and independet family unit in the year after marriage is SUPER important. I think you’re going to see a bit of drama and push/pull on control and boundaries between you guys and your family you live with.
Post # 6
Totally understandable to be concerned about all this stuff. I would put it to you this way — you’re going to be adjusting to living together (and with your mom!) and finding lots of little ways in which you’ll need to compromise…along with little fun endearing things that you didn’t know about each other. There will be work there, but marriage means you’ve taken the “omg is this going to work?” out of the equation, because you’ve COMMITTED to finding a way to make it work. (Short of really crazy incompatibilities, of course, which I expect you’d know by now.)
As far as not becoming homebodies…the way you avoid that is by continuing to be involved with the stuff that you already do together AND SEPARATELY. I cannot stress enough that it is crucial to continue to be your own person within marriage. Not that you shouldn’t have shared hobbies, friends, and events, but it doesn’t have to be everything. Give each other space.
We’re two and a half months into our marriage (after having lived together for about three years), and things are great. We split the household chores in ways that are fair and make sense (for instance: when he cooks, I clean up, and vice versa, and we trade off on whose turn it is; but he takes out the trash way more often and I clean the bathroom way more often). We have an overlapping group of friends from our work, and sometimes we see them as a couple and sometimes we see them singularly. I don’t think we picked up any special hobbies, but moving in together didn’t mean losing any of the ones we had before.
Post # 7
I think your Fiance was maybe just expressing nerves thinking that there will be this huge,drastic change as soon as you say your vows,dont worry my Darling Husband had the same small worries!
I will let you into a little secret….after the honeymoon and all the excitement dies down,nothing changes! if your living together for the first time,sure there will be some adjustments but after 6 and a half years together youve got a good foundation, I think you will both be fine.
Post # 8
@li612: Yes, we live seperately. We lived together for a year before but that was when I needed to move in to go to college and it was at his parent’s house, so that is a different situation.
@Nona99: Thank you, I really loved, “.people get blinded by the pomp and circumstance of a wedding sometimes and they are ignoring the vast ocean of possibilities that lies ahead for any couple….focus on knowing one another as you both evolve and it’ll be just fine….oh and stick to the fundamentals: love and sandwiches.” That is inspiring and truthful, realistic and funny. Thank you again!
@crayfish: We’ll be writing up a live-in agreement with her to keep things legal and civil, but you are right it is a risk, there will be growing pains and the three of us will need to work on these things together. Thank you for your caution and advice.
@village_skeptic: Thank you! You have given me good insight and even better advice! We have that same plan for our married life with chores.
@kimbo89: I agree with you, I think they were nerves and just questioning the “what if?” that was in the back of his mind. You have given wonderful, sound, sane advice thank you a ton!
Post # 9
Have you considered waiting until you are financially ok, so that you can just live together, and not with your mom? I think this will make a significant difference in the beginning of your marriage.
Post # 10
@ImagineDragon24: We have considered it but decided against it for some reasons I don’t want to post online. I assure you though I have a wonderful relationship with my mother, and my Fiance has a great relationship with her as well.