(Closed) Married Bees: After the honeymoon phase passes

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
1839 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I’m not sure why it’ll be so different after you get married in terms of going out and doing things.  Is it because you live separately now?

Post # 4
5958 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

It’s like getting on with it already!  And while romance and passion are still there, it’s not this big urgent thing…things calm down, you find out he really hates having the flat sheet tucked into his side of the bed, and that his mom has eleven toes….you discover he has a talent for carving pumpkins and a taste for caviar….whatever….it’s a life!  You build it together, you burn a few dinners, break each others hearts and eat all of the Christmas fudge wrapping presents….people get blinded by the pomp and circumstance of a wedding sometimes and they are ignoring the vast ocean of possibilities that lies ahead for any couple….focus on knowing one another as you both evolve and it’ll be just fine….oh and stick to the fundamentals:  love and sandwiches.

Post # 5
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Nothing changed for us because we lived together before the wedding. I think your biggest challenge will be living with family. It isn’t something I would recommend in almost any case, unless you’re 100% sure it’ll be a positive experience. Having the ability to establish yourselves as a new and independet family unit in the year after marriage is SUPER important. I think you’re going to see a bit of drama and push/pull on control and boundaries between you guys and your family you live with.

Post # 6
1734 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Totally understandable to be concerned about all this stuff. I would put it to you this way — you’re going to be adjusting to living together (and with your mom!) and finding lots of little ways in which you’ll need to compromise…along with little fun endearing things that you didn’t know about each other. There will be work there, but marriage means you’ve taken the “omg is this going to work?” out of the equation, because you’ve COMMITTED to finding a way to make it work. (Short of really crazy incompatibilities, of course, which I expect you’d know by now.)

As far as not becoming homebodies…the way you avoid that is by continuing to be involved with the stuff that you already do together AND SEPARATELY. I cannot stress enough that it is crucial to continue to be your own person within marriage. Not that you shouldn’t have shared hobbies, friends, and events, but it doesn’t have to be everything. Give each other space.

We’re two and a half months into our marriage (after having lived together for about three years), and things are great. We split the household chores in ways that are fair and make sense (for instance: when he cooks, I clean up, and vice versa, and we trade off on whose turn it is; but he takes out the trash way more often and I clean the bathroom way more often). We have an overlapping group of friends from our work, and sometimes we see them as a couple and sometimes we see them singularly. I don’t think we picked up any special hobbies, but moving in together didn’t mean losing any of the ones we had before.

Post # 7
838 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think your Fiance was maybe just expressing nerves thinking that there will be this huge,drastic change as soon as you say your vows,dont worry my Darling Husband had the same small worries!

I will let you into a little secret….after the honeymoon and all the excitement dies down,nothing changes! Wink if your living together for the first time,sure there will be some adjustments but after 6 and a half years together youve got a good foundation, I think you will both be fine.

Post # 9
649 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Have you considered waiting until you are financially ok, so that you can just live together, and not with your mom?  I think this will make a significant difference in the beginning of your marriage.  

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