Post # 1
Everyone I’m inviting to my wedding I consider really close to or family, but I hear from married friends that they’ve had no shows. I understand if something really serious happened in someone’s life and they can’t make it, but I was wondering how common this is. I would consider it very insulting for someone to not show up and not notify us. It’s not about the financial loss of their meal, it’s about the courtesy of letting someone know. It would be a total lack of character to do this and personally I could never do this to anyone. Please married bees, tell me your experiences. How many no shows have you had, and what was your relationship to them? What was your contact like after the wedding?
Post # 2
- Wedding: June 2014 - San Francisco, CA
I think every wedding has no-shows. It can be hurtful, but as long as the bride and groom are there, everyone else is optional. Just try to be understanding of what is going on in peoples’ lives (don’t judge their reasons against what you “would have done”) and remember that you invited them to share your joy for a reason, whether they showed or not.
Post # 3
We had a couple no shows probably 4-6 and we had a couple people bring uninvited guests. It happens. I’m just glad we had room for everyone!
Post # 4
We had one no show for the sit down meal. It was really obvious to us because it was directly in our eye line. It was a friend of DH and it had been a struggle to get a reply out of him. DH was understandably hurt and, when he ran into him a couple of months later did bring it up as he had made no contact/apology. Friend said he had a few issues going on. Don’t know anymore than that.
ETA: In answer to your questions at the bottom of your post. As an introvert I would say my DH doesn’t have friendships just because and if he wanted his friend at his wedding then he must be important to him. As for contact, apart from that one time when DH did offer to meet up so he could talk about it, I don’t think they’ve had contact.
Post # 5
We didn’t have any “no-shows.” However, we did have one couple who notified us two days before the wedding that they were unable to attend due to a family health emergency out of state. Although I wish they could have joined us, we understood completely why they were unable to be there.
Post # 6
sarahquinn: We didn’t have any no-shows. We had about 100 people.
Post # 7
sarahquinn: We had 1 no show, mainly the guy decided not to tell me until when I was asking around who someone was at my wedding (one of the groomsmen invited someone without telling my husband or I) and when I asked him if that was his date, he told me “no she didn’t come”. We also had people cancel on us the night before and a few days leading up to the wedding which we couldn’t change/do anything about it at that rate. Its annoying but nothing you can do about it. The way I look at it is the most important people are the ones who show up and celebrate the day with you and forget about those who don’t show up!
Post # 8
We had a very small wedding of less than 45 guests, we had 1 no show.
Post # 9
I had 4. Stepbrother who is trash and I didn’t want to invite anyway, but my dad’s wife insisted. The +1 for a friend who cancelled on her the day of. And my 2nd cousin and his wife who RSVP’d and then called the night before to say they “didn’t realize” the wedding was during hunting season. If your wedding is big enough, it’s going to happen. Try not to let it bother you.
Post # 10
Yep, planned for 50, had 4 or 5 no-shows. Some additional people were brought instead, so it balanced out. We didn’t have any time to really notice, though… No matter what, have a good time and don’t let the things that go wrong steal your joy. I feel like the people who were meant to share in our joy did, and it was wonderful. I just sent out my thank you cards to those people…
Post # 11
We had no no shows and about 90 guests. And a lot of them had to travel several hours and stay down near the venue.
Post # 12
My main complaint would be the no notification. I think I expect a few to cancel a few days before because we have a lot of older people going. Even a few days before is still respectable and like one poster said, ‘there’s nothing you can do about it at that point.’ You’ve already paid and confirmed numbers. I think what gets me is when people don’t show up and don’t tell you, or pretend it’s not a big deal when you ask what happened.
This isn’t my biggest concern, it just shocked me when I heard it happens. I’m also not one to easily judge people. If a friend did a no show and called me a few days later to say ‘I have depression and i really couldn’t pull myself out of bed to make it,’ I would be very understanding. Just wondering how often this stuff happens, but it looks like almost every wedding!
FromA2B2013: wow , I find that really surprising with your DH friend! Apart from the one time they meet to talk about it, he just disappears. It must be a mixture of things; embarrassment, he really does have issues, and he’s willing to let the friendship go. That’s really sad 🙁
Mez03: I like that msg at the end. The people that want to be there will come and celebrate your day with you and that’s all that matters! 🙂
GrannyPantiesRock: the lessons I can take away from your post would be to trust your gut instincts and not invite people you don’t want there, and some people will cancel for lame reasons (hunting season) but there’s nothing you can do about it. I’m glad you’re a good sport about it though, Yay wedding win! : )
bebelicious1: that’s very noble of you to still send those people thank you cards, but what would you write? Lol
Kellym84: Yay to no no shows! !
Post # 13
Yes we had a handful of no shows out of over 250 guests.
A couple of my cousins had a work assignment that sent them out of the country last minute, I think that they volunteered for it. We had already paid for them but I just assumed they wouldn’t show up when I saw their posts on Facebook that they were not in the country that week.
A past coworker of mine RSVPed that she was coming, over 2 weeks past the RSVP due date… she no showed and I haven’t heard from her at all. I only noticed because she was supposed to be at the table with all of the other ladies we worked with. I’m annoyed with her for that because I just think it’s SO rude! She was invited to the bridal shower a few months before and she didn’t even respond to the RSVP that she wasn’t coming to that either. I didn’t care so much about her not responding or coming to the shower, but to RSVP that you ARE coming to the wedding and then to just not show up pisses me off. I will not be reaching out to her at all. People are so ignorant!
A few of my MIL’s friends “forgot” about the wedding. Stupidity. When I RSVP yes to an event I put it on my calendar. I didn’t expect the world to care about our wedding but please don’t make us pay for your dinner and night of fun if you aren’t going to SHOW! LOL
people I tell ya…
Post # 14
100 guests, no no shows. One elderly couple couldn’t make it last minute but they gave us notice.
Post # 15
I can’t even imagine having no shows! We had all close friends and family and we did not have any no shows.