(Closed) Married Bees, Did Anyone Show Up to the Wedding Without RSVPing?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Hostess
16194 posts
Honey Beekeeper

We didn’t. However, in the off-chance that something like that happened, we had some extra seats left open at one table.

Post # 5
Bee
1835 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012 - Oak Tree Manor

Nope. But we also followed up with everyone that hadn’t RSVPed in the last month before the wedding, so we knew for sure who was coming and who wasn’t. The only exception is one girl we thought was single brought her husband, but we did have some tables with a few extra seats so it worked out fine.

Post # 6
Member
4439 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

We had someone that RSVPd without a guest and then brought a guest.

Luckily we had like 8 no-shows *sad face* so the last two people at that person’s table took their place cards and moved themselves to one of the no show’s seats and I never knew until later.

HOW RUDE!!!!!

Post # 7
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@TaurianDoll:  Yep! I had someone drive 15 hours to the wedding who was never sent an invite. He found out about the wedding. I asked my Father-In-Law for an invite list and he was never mentioned. I was shocked he came and happy the militay base let him on.

We had like 50 guests not show. My mom went around the church inviting people to come ‘get a plate of food’.

At the end of the day, I had like 10 people who were never invited to the reception come and enjoy it. It was fine with me!

Howvver before all this, we did follow up with everyone who did not RSVP and had a list at the door of everyone who did and did not RSVP. Everyone who did would be allowed in first.

Post # 8
Member
35 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I had a destination wedding and an at home reception. The day before my at home reception I was getting my nails done and I had a lady come up to me and say “I can’t wait until your reception tomorrow, we are going to dance all night.” Now I had some recollection of seeing this woman before but did not know her name. She saw my deer in the headlight look and explained that she as my husband’s aunt’s step daughter or something crazy.

I freaked out and called my husband. None of his family bothered to RSVP so we had called them all, but this woman wasn’t invited. Luckily my mom wanted to ensure more than enough food on th buffet and had upped it 20 people from the RSVP count. The day of the reception we had a couple extra tables set up just in case.

Good thing we did that, we had about 15 uninvited guests show up, not one brought a card or even said hi to us, I think it was a ploy by his family to ruin our night, but I refused to let it.

 

Post # 9
Member
1024 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

My cousin had a lot of people show up without RSVPing, so there wasn’t room for my immediate family…it was bad

Post # 10
Member
853 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

We had maybe a dozen show ups that either didn’t RSVP, brought guests when saying they wouldn’t, or weren’t invited (yeah, apparently we had crashers that signed the guest book).  Anyway, it was a wash because there were some last minute no-shows.

Really if it’s over 75, I wouldn’t worry about it because you will probably have some last-minute people say they can’t come.

Post # 11
Member
1299 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I hope this doesnt happen but there wont be a seat for them if they do show up with no notice.  I have FI’s mom sending out the word now to get their rsvps in, and after the date I plan to get her to notify those people on their side.  If after all of that I still havent heard about it, then they wont have a seat.  I siad if you cant take two seconds to write your name and check what you want to eat, then I cant take 2 hours figuring out a seating plan to allow for whomever showing up!  Ive been kinda run over by a lot of our wedding guests demanding certain things and being bullied into a lot that I didnt want and this small thing is one thing I put my foot down for.  I wont deal with it 2 weeks before the wedding, and I certainly wont be dealing with it on the day.  If it happens someone else can handle it… dont let me know! 

Post # 12
Member
124 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@nl:  I completely agree with you. I hope this doesn’t happen to me either because there won’t be a place for them and they won’t be able to get into the wedding or reception. Our venue come with security so they will be checking rsvps. I really do believe its rude to show up and expect to enjoy the food and festivities that took months of our planning and money and you can’t take a few seconds to reply and pop the card in the mail. You get a free stamp.

Post # 13
Member
1299 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@JenniferWay13:  YES!  Thank you!  I have so many of FI’s fam that have been like… can we bring the girl thats living with us?  Can we bring so and so…. and I got bullied into it… They think just because someone else cant come they can replace them with that person.  Meanwhile, not to sound completely like a money grubbing bitch, but these people MIGHT bring their own card but likely not and definitely not a gift!  Im like, this isnt a carpool and its not like you can keep replacing people!  These people have a price on their heads.  It would be one thing if they were helping to pay but Im draining my savings to have this wedding, and Fiance is now supporting me with no job.  ( i moved to another state to be with him, hes in the AF and now hes going to another country for a year while I stay in the states) but yeah.  I never ever showed up anywhere empty handed, and even if I got a gift card or something small off the registry I would still get something.  I was raised to never go anywhere empty handed.  But unfortunately theres no manners anymore and so we have people carting along girls who happen to live with them and are 22 years old… but I can’t invite people who would give up their right arm for me because at the time we were at max capacity!  And now its too late to send the invites to those people.  Why does everyone feel entitled to be at this wedding when I only met you once for 20 minutes?  ok mini rant over!

Post # 14
Member
2073 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

That didn’t happen to us. We also got married on a military base and if you were not on the final list, you didn’t get on base.  Everyone who said they were coming showed up.  

Post # 15
Member
9954 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Chasing down RSVPs is a headache… even in my generation, that should know better

We had a ballpark number a week ahead of our Back Home Reception… somewhere between 50 and 75, so that is how we worked out our numbers with our Bar and Caterer.

Lucky in that it wasn’t a sit-down meal so we didn’t have that aspect to contend with.

In the end we had about 60 attend… the majority of whom had RSVP-ed properly.  A few who said “MAYBE” and showed up… some who said “MAYBE” and didn’t (all expected per se)… and then those that said YES, but never appeared (just a few thankfully)

Luckily it all evened out in that our actuals were inline with our estimates, but still it was a tad annoying.

I’ve managed to get over it easily because we didn’t have to incur any additional expenses.

BUT if I had to pay a per plate charge… ya it might have been a way different story.

 

Post # 16
Member
124 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@nl:  lol, I totally get you. I had this convo with my Maid/Matron of Honor, I put her Boyfriend or Best Friend down to be invited and she says well I may Nito want him to be my date, can I bring a plus one. NO!!!!! I don’t know your side piece and I wouldn’t spend $240 on him. when we got the numbers back we were questioning would we spend this much on our own family, so what makes you think I would spend that money on someone I never met before? How do people not get this concept??

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