(Closed) Married Bees : Did you know how to be a ” wife ” when you first got married?

posted 6 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
2651 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I’m not married yet, but I have absolutely NO intention of doing any of that… At least on my own. My fi jokes that there is not a domestic bone in my body, be we agreed before we Got engaged that unless I am a Stay-At-Home Mom the  domestics wll be as even as we Can make it. 

Post # 4
Member
519 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

You will be fine!! It does all fall into place, and you learn and grow along the way. Besides, I figure my husband’s an adult, so I can’t mess him up too much. There is plenty of time before we have kids, so I can still practice! πŸ™‚ 

Post # 5
Member
6124 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

From the way you describe it, you’re making it look more motherly than wifey! 

I think it should be more of a partnership, teamwork and respect and collaboration.

 

However if you’ve never been on your own two feet, this will be a lesson in teamwork for you both.

Post # 6
Member
2320 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I think what it ‘means’ to be a wife, in the terms that you are describing it, completely depend on your relationship. I’m with imalittlebirdie in that I never ever had any intention of being the sole domestic caretaker in a relationship. My mother did this and it drove her insane and it was a major source of conflict in my parents relationship.

I think if you are feeling nervous about these tasks than you should talk to your Fiance and how things will be divided up if you don’t want to be the sole caretaker.

Post # 7
Member
3520 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

In our house, we each do what we like and divvy up the rest. I love to cook, go food shopping, and garden. He fixes stuff, loves to clean the kitchen (bizarre), and takes care of the grass, snow, etc.

Post # 8
Member
276 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

It will be fine as long as you don’t try to have everything perfect everyday. Your sanity is most important so pace yourself day to day. You should have fun decorating your home etc. if it feels like a burden maybe your taking on too much. Simple dinners, nice ones when you can and want to, you dont have to be june cleaver im sure he just wants you to be happy at the end of the day

Post # 10
Member
2086 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012 - Pippin Hill Farm & Vineyards

Most pre-marital programs have couples discuss division of labor.  You and your FH need to determine how you’ll run your house.  Since you’ve never been independent, you should both talk about how you’ll negotiate when things don’t go as planned because your plans might not mesh with what unfolds.

Post # 12
Member
2086 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012 - Pippin Hill Farm & Vineyards

@Mrsgurzakovic:  FOCCUS is one of the more popular pre-marital assessments.  Since you haven’t been independent, it will probably bring up topics that you and your fiance haven’t discussed before (sex, spending, holidays, relationship with family, expectations, family planning, spending habits/finances, division of labor, religion, how you’ll settle disagreements, etc). 

If you haven’t talked about this stuff before, it helps start the conversation.  If you have talked about these topics, it helps you check in the make sure you’re still on the same page.

Post # 13
Member
7173 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@Mrsgurzakovic:  it’s not like your FH is going to be your child and can’t fend for himself or do things to contribute to the house.  BUT – it’s VERY VERY IMPORTANT that you both talk to each other about what your individual expectations are in running a household.  Make a list of chores and talk about what the expectations are of the other.  Meaning – do you expect him to do certain things and does he expect you to do certain things… what are you both willing to do and/or what are you not willing to do.

Keep in mind – there’s always the unexpected and even though you think you may be up to some task I will guarantee you there will be days you will not want to do it πŸ™‚  so – I’d suggest some loose ideas before it’s reality.

I also think it’s helpful to not keep score -meaning, I think if there’s something to be done at home and one person is home to do it – they shouldn’t NOT do it becuase it’s the other person’s job.  But – again – it all depends on how you and Darling Husband choose to run your home…. and it could very well be something that evolves as you are married.

Post # 14
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

i went from my parents house to my husbands and even though i have a career and work longer hours i do all household duties but taking the garbage out – my husband does nothing else but this works for us, i understand it doesnt work for all

what i found difficult was learning it wasnt asking permission but taking into consideration. in my past life i would make plans, buy things and do things with little thought but now i had a husband who was waiting for me at home so i couldnt just go to the movies with girlfriends with no notice and felt bad spending hundreds on shoes.  we talked about it and sorted it out but for a while i was feeling a bit resentful that my past free life was gone because i was putting pressure on myself

Post # 15
Member
299 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I wouldn’t really be classifying it as knowing how to be a “wife” I’d call it knowing how to be an independent functioning adult.  You need to know how to do that, married or not.  Will your Fiance have lived outside of his parents’ house by the time you two get married?

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