Oh, of course. I suspect he has as well at various points in our relationship/marriage.
I sat and asked myself: Am I seeing this realistically? What do I really know about this person? I’d try to imagine a scenario where I ran off with these people, and what my life would be like 2 or 3 years into the relationship. I quickly concluded…probably pretty much the same. Maybe worse. Infatuation is intense and it’s going to happen.
Our brains *love* those feel-good chemicals, and let’s be honest – the fire of infatuation burns differently than the love of a long-term relationship. It’s a drug high. We see someone, find ourselves fascinated, and every time we talk to that person, we’re learning something new. We fill in the gaps of what we don’t know with things we’d like to be there.
You talk to someone long enough…and you realize they have baggage like anyone else. The stars begin leaving your eyes.
It’s important to think longer term when you aren’t thinking in the clearest way. I don’t feel there’s anything wrong with being attracted to other people – acting on it is a problem. Flirting is a problem and so on. It’s not how you feel, but how you handle it.
When those times happen (I’m not talking ‘he’s cute!’ but ‘Wow…’ sorts of situations here), it kicks my focus on my marriage into high gear. I start looking for novel experiences for us to do together. We go on more dates. The whole thing’s a garden that needs constant upkeep, and from time to time, like anything else, sometimes we’re all lazy gardeners. An attraction to someone else can be a reminder.
On a long enough timeline, if my husband hasn’t yet, he’s probably going to find himself attracted to someone. He might meet someone with a mutual interest, get talking…and start thinking. That’s human nature. I can’t expect to be his *one and only*. I also can’t expect that for the next 50 years, or if I die or we divorce, he won’t find anyone else attractive…or he won’t for a moment consider what might be if he were with someone else.
I do count on him to handle it the way I have – withdrawing if possible, limiting contact, putting more effort into the marriage, etc. But I don’t worry about it. Neither of us is dead, and that didn’t change when we signed a marriage license.
…What did change is that we are now a family with obligations and commitments to one another that we both hope and intend to live up to.