Post # 32
I just wanted to say I admire your and your husband’s devotion to one another. I’m glad some of the difficult situations are now getting easier.
I agree that going through difficulties often makes a couple stronger and more united, which leads to a richer type of love.
To answer the OP’s question: DH and I have had it mostly rosy in the past 2 years. The first year was not at all difficult for us.
We did deal with two rough patches: DH had a death in the family, and I suffered from extreme vertigo for a few months after having an emotional breakdown due to some family issues.
A lot of patience and calm communication became necessary to get through those two periods, but we did and we are stronger as a couple now.
One thing that helps, is that we are both naturally affectionate physically and verbally. It maintains a nice aura of intimacy on a daily basis.
Post # 33
I would say it was just the same as living together. I wouldn’t say it’s hard. To be honest, I knew DH was a keeper after only a few dates, because it was so easy being with him. All of my other relationships had always required lots of work, and had uncertainty attached to them. This one is really easy… and that’s why I like it!
Post # 34
- Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY
@FutureMrsT1221: Nothing has changed for us, honestly. Marriage is easy. But it has only been 6 months, together for 5 years!!
Maybe the one hard thing is making sure we keep the ahem, romance alive.
Post # 36
I don’t think marriage is easy! We have only been married 6 months, but things haven’t really changed since we got married. I think living with someone can be difficult at first, so people who don’t live together before marriage probably have a tough time at first. However, DH and I didn’t really have any issues when we moved in together. In fact we have never had issues. It has always felt offortless. Of course now we are starting a new chapter in our lives as we are expecting our little girl in just 6 weeks. That will be a whole new learning curve and adjustment, but I have no doubt in my mind that it will go smoothly for us.
Post # 37
Only married for 7 months but dated and lived separately for over 9yrs. Moving in together was HARD! There is definitely an adjustment period that takes place. My husband and I went through the loss of a pet immediately following the wedding which created depression and devastation For us both but more so for my husband.
We had disagreements that ranged from small arguments to huge ones. We finally realized that we both needed to communicate our feelings to one another and talk through our issues rather than bottle up our feelings. So far so good:) compromising is vital in keeping our relationship in it’s sweet spot.
Post # 38
In my circle of friends, I’ve heard a lot of people say things like, “marriage is the easy part – it’s having kids that is tough.” I can’t speak to the kids part just yet (pregnant now), but I agree that marriage is great if you have the right mentality. I love what PP’s have said about “us against the world.” There will be tough times, but if you can face them together, shoulder to shoulder, you will be okay. It’s so important to just be … kind. And respectful. And have each other’s back. If you do that, everything else falls into place. And I’m hoping that mentality holds true once kids are in the picture. 🙂
Post # 39
@FutureMrsT1221: Honestly, super easy. We didn’t have a long courtship–we were together less than 3 years before we got married and only lived together for 9 months. It is just a matter of expectations– there are times we need our space and there are times we need each other. If you agree on a chores and money philosophy, it is honestly super easy.
Post # 40
It’s not hard like climbing Mt. Everest or calculus. It’s not an everyday struggle when I think “ugh, another day of marriage…let’s do this thing.” But I do think it can be hard. There are definitely moments when I don’t really like my husband all that much, I’m sure he feels the same way. But we make the choice to deal with whatever the friction is and we figure out ways to continue living together and liking each other more days than not.
Post # 41
It hasn’t been hard for us at all, honestly nothing at all changed from before we were engaged or dating.
I think it’s because we have been together 6 years, we lived together for years before we got married, and we just agree on most aspects of our relationship (time we spend together, roles in the home, finances, child raising).
Post # 42
We’ve been married a little over 6 months, and we haven’t hit any huge bumps in the road or struggles yet. I’m sure they will come up, and we’ll soldier through them when they do. We’ve started on what I feel is a very strong foundation of communication, trust and respect which I think all helps in regards to any struggles or difficulties that the marriage will encounter.
Overall I’ve found it wonderful and so natural and “right” feeling. So in that regard I find marriage easy.
Post # 43
adding kids definitely changes things in the relationship but it hasn’t made anything harder for us really. I think if you discuss things like responsibilities, expectations, overall goals then it’ll be fine.
Post # 44
We’ve been married about 6 months, but have lived together for 4 years and been together for over 5. Nothing in our relationship has ever been hard. Sure, life has been hard at times- he almost lost his house, I got my PhD, he went back to school, we lost loved ones, we moved across the country, we both dealt with unemployment- but it hasn’t made our relationship hard. We’ve never broken up or even thought about it, we hardly fight, and having each other has made those hard parts of life so much easier. I agree that having kids will make things harder, but I don’t think that being in a relationship or being married should be hard.
Post # 45
@FutureMrsT1221: I think that is you have to “work” at it too much, and with the excpetion of health problems, then you’ve married the wrong person.
I’ve been married a few decades and it’s not that difficult.
I also think that many people ar enot cut out to be married.
Post # 46
I heard the same thing from so many married couples. Most of the time, it left me wondering why they were so intent on emphasizing the alleged hardness of life together.
After 8 months of marriage, I do not feel that marriage itself has been hard. Honestly, far from hard. It is lovely to be married and not have to work on wedding planning, and we have a great time together and genuinely enjoy each other. We did not live together before marriage, but the adjustment to sharing a home was a non-issue for us.
Some other bees have mentioned good substitute terms that are more accurate in describing married life. I feel that the people who blame marriage as being the hard part of their life may often have entered the marriage not knowing what real adult life is like. Of course there are hard parts of life, and those come whether you are single or married. Blaming the marriage for those is not rational. Yes, there are things to figure out, like money and in-laws and jobs, but it’s just part of life. When you are single or dating, you have to deal with relationships, budgets, and health problems – it’s not unique to marriage!
The people I know who had the most difficulties were those who either got married right after college and had never actually handled adult life on their own, or people who were still acting incredibly irresponsibly at the point of marriage. If you go into any relationship not knowing how to act like a grownup, yes, it will be inordinately hard. If you have troubles communicating or refuse to admit when you are wrong before marriage, yeah, marriage itself is not going to cure those problems. If you have relied on your parents (I really dislike watching parents enable childish behavior in their adult-age kids) to handle many aspects of life for you, then yes, it will be a shock to actually take care of yourself. The most immature people I’ve seen enter marriage seem to also be ones who like to portray themselves as having done something extraordinary by staying in their marriages – and it makes me want to tell them how silly they sound for acting as if having to grow up was some kind of virtue.
So – don’t worry about it being hard. Keep working on your communication with each other. Treat the roadbumps of life as being external to your relationship, and work as a team to get over them together. Laugh together, and enjoy the ride! 🙂