(Closed) Married bees- Does anyone find marriage easy?

posted 7 years ago in Married Life
Post # 77
Member
2153 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Easy is nor the word but much like how moms like to tell new moms how hard carinf dor baby will be, take it lightly because allthough marriage and motherhood is not for people who want an “easy” life, it’s all an adventure and an amazing one. People work hard at their marriages and yeah I agree some feel they deserve a metal and want you to know it wasn’t all sunahine and rainbows and that they weren’t just handed happily ever after, they earned it! I feel very content with marriage, but if we never worked at it, or talked through things it would never work. You have to make that choice everyday to love regardless of this or that. i personally think is not for the selfish or for people who get married to make their lives easier. Was if easu growing up with your siblings? Putting up with your mother/father? love is never easy But worth it!

Post # 78
Member
3668 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@FutureMrsT1221:  So far it doens’t seem to be any harder than dating. 

Being with someone for a long amount of time is difficult no matter the relationship. Why do you think we leave our parents home, stop having room mates, and watch friends come and go? 

 

Post # 79
Member
2564 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I was just saying to my husband last night how we’ve seemed to ease into married life (having lived together for over 2 years already) fairly easy after only a couple of months.  It just FEELS better, and doesn’t seem hard at all.  I think the hard part is the adjusting to living with someone else, which a lot of couples do before marriage now.

Post # 80
Member
6111 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Our marriage has been very enjoyable, comforting, fun and exciting so far (married 1.5 years).  We did lose my dad before we were married.  We have no experienced any job losses, significatn health scares, or financial problems yet.  We are trying to get all the preventative measures in place to be sure we will be OK if something does happen down the road.  We each have volunteer tasks that we do, and it has been taking up a lot of our free at home time – not so much that we are not active still with our hobbies, but it does eat up a lot of time.  We are making a point to not sit at the computers all night long – but there is so much to be done!

I was married before once.  It was a very difficult marriage/partnership.  The man refused to budge or comprimise.  Simple daily life was so hard to manage with him.  So I know what hard work is – but frankly that was the WRONG kind of hard work when they say “hard work.”

Post # 81
Member
3459 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

It’s not easy, but nothing in life seems to be…for me. Actually, I don’t wish for an easy life, it would not satisfy my ambition or drive. So, there’s that. As far as marriage, ours definitely has its share of challenges because our relationship has had distinct phases that all require their own adjustment period. We dated for a while, we were engaged for awhile, did NOT cohabitate, then we got married. Each phase has had its own joys and challenges. There’s never been a day where I wake up and feel like “omg. I can’t do this anymore” and there’s never a time where I wonder whether I should have gotten married and to whom. But I’ve put forth plenty of effort at being a good wife and I see my husband doing the same. 

Post # 82
Member
572 posts
Busy bee

Relationships in general are hard. But if you have a strong foundation, trust, communication and laughter, marriage won’t change any of that. You may have hard times, but from my opinion and based on my life experiences – marriage isn’t hard. 

Post # 83
Member
1051 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

Well you can take what I say with a grain of salt since I’ve been married only about 3 months. Wink

We have found marriage so far to be very natural.  I think it’s because we met when we were 13 and were each other’s “firsts” for everything.  We were engaged in college but broke up. 

We were apart for 7 years before we got back together.  We dated other people (I was even engaged to another guy for a short while) and when we got back together we knew what we wanted.

I moved in a few months before we offically became engaged but I knew he was in the process of puchasing the ring.  Honestly, I found moving in together harder than becoming married.  My DH is much more a “let’s do everything together” person than I am; I need more alone time than he does.  At first that was a bit off-putting to him because he took it personally, but as time went on he was reassured that my wanting to have some time to myself did not mean I loved him less than he loved me.

I know things are not always going to be this “easy” but fortunately we talk about things all the time and agree that it is important to always keep the lines of communication open.  We aren’t afraid to tell each other things, even if it means hurting their feelings.  We know we’re a team now and you don’t bail out on your team.

DH has told me several times that marrying me is the best thing he’s ever done. I have to agree. Smile

Post # 84
Member
240 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

Marriage didn’t change a thing in our relationship. We were together 8 years when we got married and lived together 3,5 years. That doesn’t mean it’s always easy, it’s not. We are different people wiht different quirks and when get grumpy and tired like everyone.

Post # 85
Member
7172 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@FutureMrsT1221:  I skimmed through the responses and I’m going to dissent with a big fat: NO!!!  I do not find marriage easy.

However – I was one of those people who could have written your post and did not understand why married people said marriage was hard.  I did not get it AT ALL.   I didn’t get it – until marriage was hard for me! 🙂

It didn’t start out that way – most of our relationship was very easy.  Our first year of marriage was easy, relationally.  Our 2nd year was also pretty easy… (we’d been together 5 years prior to getting married – so we’ve been together for almost a decade now!)

I think what makes it hard is when it takes effort to be selfless.  When you want what you want and it’s not what your partner wants.  When you have to make compromises that you aren’t happy with.  When you have to put your desires aside for the sake of your marriage.

That is what makes marriage hard, IMO.  It’s not that it makes it awful, because marriage is still wonderful.  But, it IS hard at times, because you don’t always get what you want and sometimes you have to set things aside or make choices that you wouldn’t have made had you been single…. and that’s hard!

 

 

Post # 86
Member
1953 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

We’ve been married just about five months now, and it hasn’t been very hard at all. We’re very much in sync, so it’s not been difficult.

Post # 87
Member
1105 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

It’s the same as it was before we got married (and were living together). 

 

I think being married makes you a bit closer, you are “officially” a team in the eyes of the law so… yeah. 

Post # 88
Member
2634 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

Honestly, yes….it’s been hard for us.  We’re past the honeymoon phase (been married 4 years).  Year three KICKED OUR ASS.  When the new butterflies of newlywed’ism wore off and some serious life issues hit us, we had to dig deep.  There were days it was so hard I wanted to walk away and I know he had those days, but those were the days when we individually reminded ourselves why we got married in the first place and that we truly infact did love eachother.  I’m not saying marriage is hard all the time, but we’ve definitely experienced an extended amount of time where marriage was hard. 

Post # 89
Member
3277 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Marriage is hard for me because it has been a disappointment in many ways. I love my husband but all the love in the world will not erase our financial problems.

Sometimes outside circumstances can worsen marriage. I never expected to be rich, but I also didn’t think we would rent forever or only be able to afford minibreaks. 

This is part of the reason we are having a vow renewal. My husband feels sad that we couldn’t afford to have a wedding, as well as some other special moments that went badly because of him. He doesn’t want me to keep feeling cheated out of every special experience that only money can buy. 

We each had more money when we were dating. The recession was terrible for us. Maybe I would be less ashamed of our lifestyle, if people didn’t flaunt their possessions or put down my husband and I for renting. 

Post # 90
Member
2090 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I’m not married yet, but my understanding is that marriage is not always easy. I think you have to work for anything that you value. Going to work takes work. Being a mother takes work, being a wife takes effort as well. 

I think sometimes it is easy to think that things will simply work out on their own without effort. There will inevitably be hard times for everyone. Sometimes, there are things that do not directly involve your relationship that can harm it. Seeing other seemingly happy couples break up, so-called friends and family in your ear giving you bad advice, money issues, children issues, etc.

Things can become hard when dealing with lies, cheating, etc. but as long as that does not happen it should not be too difficult. I think things are rougher if you are with an incompatible person, a person who appears to change and you then grow apart, a person who pretended to be someone that they were not, and what not. 

Post # 90
Member
421 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016 - Our Castle

Im not married yet but i have a unique situation. We have been together for 6yrs, living together for 5yrs and the last year of that have been engaged. We have been living in his family home along with his mother and brother.

I isnt always easy when you stick other people into the equation but its ended up being like a shared house. I think marraige and having my own home will be easyer since i will no longer run the risk of stepping on my MIL’s toes as im in her house and she likes things done her way and there for has to do it herself due to the shifts i work.

 

to have my own home.. i cant wait.. the motto try before you buy works well.. go on a long holiday if you cant live together and see how you manage in eachothers pockets. ?

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