(Closed) Married Bees – how honest are you with hubby?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
179 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@beb1972:  not married yet, but we’ve lived together for almost two years. I’m the same as you – completely honest and open. I don’t hold anything back, although sometimes I fel like my bad additude breaks him down, he holds himself strong and fights with me! 

Post # 5
60 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I’m an encore bride and having been married once before, I will say that being able to be completely honest and still feel safe is ESSENTIAL. 

Post # 6
7311 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

I’m not quite sure what you are asking. I certainly don’t tell my husband every single thought that I have. There’s no stream of consciousness here. And if someone asks me to keep their secret, you’re darn skippy that I keep my lips sealed. That said, we have very open lines of communication, and it’s a two-way street. Whether happy or sad, there is no general subject matter that is “off limits”, and we’re both very open with our emotions. In 4 years we’ve yet to encounter an issue that couldn’t be talked through.

Post # 8
7977 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

Not yet married… but I certainly don’t tell Fiance everything. He has a temper which is quick to anger and quick to forgive… when he is angry then there is no point confronting him. It is better to wait until later and then calmly discuss things, no matter how furious I am at the time. At least one of us has to be collected and calm. Sharing every thought which comes into your mind during a row sounds like a recipe for some serious fighting.

I also don’t tell him plenty of other stuff. I don’t tell him about every screw up that our utility company makes, or that I’ve spotted a legal mistake in some of his documents. I just deal with it so that he doesn’t have to know about these things. If I did tell him, he would just say “why have you told me this? Why didn’t you just fix the problem as soon as you spotted it, and be done with it?”

Nor do I tell him exactly how much I spend on certain things, like our pet cats. We both contribute to the houshold finances. I see no reason to tell him what I do with my own money, and do not question him as to what he does with his. If he wants to spend his money on computer games, or beer, fine. But I don’t want to know.

It is very fashionable for couples to say that they disclose everything to each other… but I wonder how true that really is…

Post # 9
3111 posts
Sugar bee

@Ivelanded:  I knowwww.  Encore here also and I used to have to tip toe around my ex husband and be so careful with what I say because he would blow up and not know how to handle it/use it against me etc.  It is so important to have a mate that makes you feel safe no matter your thoughts or opinions (and even IF you are wrong).  I am so grateful I have that now because it was pure hell when I didnt.  Sometimes, you live and learn and you dont know what you dont know.  Glad I learned!

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